Putting 4 month old to bed a few hours before us.. is this ok?

[areandare]

My little boy is almost 4 months old. We have gotten him into a really good sleeping routine and he often sleeps through the whole night (6:30-7pm until 6am) if he does wake, it’ll be at around 3am for a feed but then straight back to sleep.

Anyway, over the past week or so I have been taking him up to bed with his last bottle and putting him down in his next to me crib for the night. I have been putting the baby monitor on and going downstairs to have my dinner and to go in the shower etc. I usually go up to bed at around 9pm ish. I obviously go in and check on him a lot during this time as well as watching him like a hawk on the monitor.

I was doing some googling yesterday and realised that this is really frowned upon and that you should not leave a baby sleeping in a room alone at all until 6 months old. I feel awful now and quite anxious about doing it, from tonight I will stay in the bedroom with him once he falls asleep but I didn’t realise there was anything wrong with having a few hours out of the room with the monitor on and regular checks!

Did anybody else ever do this? Is this really not ok? Any advise / opinions welcome!

Obviously everyone has to judge what they’re comfortable with but I never did this (although with DD2 that was because she screamed bloody murder anytime she was put down to sleep for the first year).

But you can consider all the risks - if it’s a safe sleeping environment with a healthy baby in a smoke free home, those are all things that lower the risk.

Almost all cases of SIDS are before 6 months, but I think the peak age is 2-4 months, so that obviously increases the risk given your child’s age.

@ShesTheAlbatrossthank you for commenting. I think I’m going to have to knock it on the head until he’s 6 months then.

It’s difficult because once he’s asleep it’s the only time that I’m able to eat and shower. He doesn’t have a crib downstairs anymore as he’s outgrown his Moses basket so that isn’t an option! Also he sleeps through the night now and I know that having him sleep on me downstairs and moving him upstairs when I go to bed isn’t really an option as he will definitely wake up!

Personally I’d be fine leaving him while I showered, I think showering while a baby naps is fairly normal. It would be the few hrs between his bedtime and mine that I wouldn’t like. But I know people do it - like you say, once they outgrow the Moses basket, they can’t sleep downstairs anymore.

Is the baby’s father living with you?

We did this. And used a monitor.

I’ve done this worth both mine, the current one is now 6 months old and I did it from about 4 months. With monitor and checking, and an otherwise healthy strong baby, I felt comfortable with it

A monitor won't have any impact on SIDS.

no it won’t but listening out for changes in breathing will

I started doing this around 5 months. The way I looked at it was that the risk doesn’t suddenly plummet from one day to the next when they turn 6 months, it gradually decreases. He wouldn’t sleep downstairs with us in making noise from about 3 months, so I sat upstairs with him in the evening until about 5 months, and then I embraced the baby monitor and an hour or two of baby free time (with frequent checks).

I did this with both my kids from younger than this given they were in very safe sleeping arrangements - I wouldn’t personally mess with a good sleeper for NHS guidance that is designed for a full range of babies including ones with underlying issues if your baby is healthy and doing well. It’s not like you being in the same room asleep would be more heavily monitoring them than you awake and with a good monitor (also the guidance comes from mild statistical analysis but without any good evidence on the causation for the marginal difference in SIDs).

Also - I saw the same data that the other poster mentioned which is SIDs risk has largely dropped off after the first 4 months. The 6 month guideline is obviously provided to provide room around the peak period of 2-4 months.

We didn't do this with either of our babies. They can sleep through noise even now many years later.

It's up to you, I guess, but we followed Lullaby Trust SIDS prevention guidelines.

We did it from around 5 months but not before then. I know some people do but I didn't feel comfortable with it until mine were a little older, and obviously some people wait until the full 6 months. It really is up to you as you know the risks and the statistics.

We did this from day one - I honestly think a baby is more at risk from an exhausted parent who hasn’t slept than being in a cot in a sleeping bag. I think co sleeping is more dangerous than putting a baby on their own in a cot. But that isn’t a popular opinion on here! I think being able to relax and sleep in their own room is important. I imagine those that do sleep better.

Buy one of those mats that you put under the mattress that will sound an alarm if the baby stops breathing. Job done. We did that, and it was brilliant. Baby gets to sleep in his own space from the start of the night, not being moved around part way through, you get proper adult time to shower, watch TV, talk to your spouse, etc. The only downside is that occasionally I would pick our DS up for a feed in the night, forget to turn the alarm off, and then I’d just have settle down to feed when the alarm would go off. But it was a small price to pay for the other benefits.

Thanks everyone. It’s interesting to hear so many mixed views on this.

His routine is so good now. Bed by 7:30pm the latest and sleeps all night happily in his crib. I think for my own peace of mind I will just stick to staying in my bedroom for the night. I will need to go in the shower and have something quick to eat, but I can watch him on the monitor while I’m doing that (or get my partner to sit with him) then just chill in my bed next to him for the evening.

I am a worrier so now that I’ve heard that it’s not advised I probably will steer away from leaving him in the room alone. I don’t fully understand though, what about when I’m fast asleep next to him? Technically, having the monitor on him and doing regular checks is more supervision than when I’m asleep isn’t it?

One thing that I wasn’t prepared for before having a baby was the worrying, there’s always something new to worry about and I bet it gets more as they get older

I think its personally fine. Both mine slept upstairs from 3 months onwards, otherwise moving them disturbed them & woke them up.

I'd be interested to see if the rate of SIDS has decreased over the last 10-12 years as my two are only 11 and 13 and it was sleep on back in own bed and night time sleeping with us but no mention of sitting in the room with them till 6 months.
DD would never have gone to sleep had she thought there was someone there to amuse her after bedtime!

We did this with all three of mine. Now none of them slept through the night for years lol but we did get them into a routine where they started going down at seven ish and like you I’d shower or on dc 2 and 3 do the nighttime bedtime routine with the older dc.

I did same as you op for both my children.

Well you can't do that when your asleep or is the guidance now that someone has to stay awake at all times.

The guidance to stay in the room isn’t so you’re watching them, it’s because the noises you make (even just breathing) are thought to prevent your baby from falling into a very deep sleep, which is linked to SIDS.

You are incorrect. The SIDS guidance in the UK (Lullaby Trust) was the same when my child was born over 13 years ago. Babies were/are not advised to sleep or nap alone until over 6 months old. Lots of people misinterpreted the guidelines, but I remember distinctly and followed these guidelines.

The baby is listening to external noises and that is what is thought to keep them safe and breathing.

It’s fine.

With my first baby I followed the six month rule by the book (plus he was a crap sleeper and I was tired 😴)

With DD, once she was old enough to be disturbed by us I put her in the next to me and then came downstairs for an hour or so with DH. SIDS in a healthy child over four months is vanishingly rare.

Genuine question - what use is the mat?

By the time the baby stops breathing, surely it is too late?