3yo extremely sensitive to clothes/socks/coats – anyone been through similar?

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Hi everyone,
I’d really appreciate some advice or hearing other people’s experiences, because we’re really struggling with clothing battles with our 3-year-old at the moment.

He has become incredibly sensitive to how clothes feel, and it’s getting worse rather than better. Every morning feels like a battle and it’s starting to affect all of us.

Some of the things we’re dealing with:

• He finds tiny sock wrinkles unbearable, especially over the top of the foot when he flexes. We often end up having to put shoes on 3–4 times because he takes them off again the moment he feels a wrinkle. Once he’s actually out and about, he forgets about it, but getting to that point is traumatic for all of us!

• He rejects a lot of trousers – too tight, too loose, too long, too bunchy, too “flappy.” Tried age 4 clothes to give more room, but if they’re baggy or long, he instantly refuses.

• He won’t wear layers at all. No vests, no hoodies, no fleeces. Even thin jumpers feel “too tight” or “too bulky” to him. At bedtime he often refuses all bottoms and will only sleep topless or in one very specific top. Thankfully he’s got a warm winter jacket that he’ll put on when cold but that’s the only layer he’ll wear.

• He gets attached to things he’s wearing. For example, if he’s worn a crocodile t-shirt that day, he gets very upset when he has to take it off for bed, and wants to wear it again the next day even if it’s been put in the wash. Switching to a different design can take ages and always comes with distress.

He is otherwise totally fine day-to-day. This doesn’t spill over into other areas of life and we’re not jumping to neurodiversity as the explanation. He does have a shy temperament – around other adults, he won’t speak at all until he’s spent a good amount of time with them – but apart from that, there aren’t other big red flags. It’s really just clothing.

At the moment we’re considering doing a sort of “uniform”: finding a type of long-sleeve top, joggers and socks he’s genuinely comfortable with and just buying multiples in different colours to reduce the overwhelm and daily battles.

Has anyone else had a child with really strong sensory reactions to clothing like this?
Did they grow out of it?
Did you find anything that actually helped?
Is a set “uniform” a good idea?
Any tips for managing winter/forest school when layers are a no-go? Eg recommendations for warm long sleeve tees/thermals 🙏🏻
Recommendations for socks for kids with sensory issues? (He’ll only wear knee high socks!)

We’re just very tired and stressed, and would love to hear if this is something other families have been through and come out the other side of.

Oh I’m not a bot - but I did ask chat gpt to write this so I could just cut and paste :)

This was ilone of the main indicators in young childhood for my autistic children.

Yep same for my autistic children.
You can buy seam free socks which really helps.
A uniform of sorts while a good idea may reduce further the clothes he will wear and mean you have to buy exactly the same things his whole life...ie the clothing world will get smaller.

@Wyntirythanks. Honestly it’s not like it’s not in my mind, but also I’m just mindful about jumping to that as well 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s tough.

Check out sock shop

It's fairly common in children with autism. If he really likes wearing specific things buy a few. By example I have 18 pairs of black lycra shorts style knickers so I don't have to think about what to put on.

As PPs have said, DC2 was like this. Finally got diagnoses with ADHD and autism age 20 (years). Don't leave seeking a diagnosis as long as I did. DC2 was fine at primary but really struggled all through secondary school. It was only after they finished tbeir A-Levels that they told me they couldn't tell the difference between p and b. That was the first time the penny dropped - dyslexia. Shortly after that, I realized they also had ADHD. The autism came as a surprise even though I have it too.

We had a lot of this age 3. She's 4 now and while some things cause a bit of a fuss, she's mostly grown out of it or she has more language to explain what the problem with the item is. This morning we had a bit of a battle getting a jumper on her but it's cold so she needs a jumper on. We were able to compromise on which jumper as opposed to her flinging herself around the house at just the prospect of a jumper which she would have done this time last year.

My 6yo is the same and actually I could have written large parts of your post myself.

I don’t have much advice but you can buy seam-free socks which I have found a huge blessing. There are loads on Amazon if you search.

If we find an item that she will comfortably wear, I always buy more than one and in as many colour variations as possible. Clothes shopping has to be done in person trying things on, I’ve given up buying online because of having to return stuff so frequently.

School uniform is weirdly ok - I think because she wears it every day and it’s the norm for everyone - but I always buy things in stretch jersey with elasticated waistbands.

I try and get her into a vest so that at least if she only has one layer on top of that her torso will stay relatively warm.

Summer is so easy because of loose dresses and crocs, the minute the weather cools and I have to get her into things with waistbands or structured shoes, it’s a nightmare! So I will be watching this thread with interest and sympathy.

Definitely consider getting a second of preferred clothes BUT from personal experience and was given professional advice, it’s essential not to give in, you need to be firm on things that are important like sufficient clothes because once they realise they can pull the shots they will. My autism specialist advised me not to sweat the small stuff (eg doesn’t matter if it doesn’t match or technically the trousers are pyjamas) but red lines (you must wear a t shirt and jumper) are that and if they cross once that’s it, i believe this approach worked for us (wasn’t plain sailing but she’s a functioning adult now). Best of luck, it does your head in but it ends eventually

My daughter was like this, socks had to be inside out, would only wear 2 sparkly vest tops and 2 skirts for about 2 years. No coat. Clothes shopping with her was a nightmare, proper melt downs in changing rooms. Found new acceptable clothes, labels had to be fully removed and she wouldn’t wear them after they’d been washed. Through senior school she only wore 1 shirt, refused the identical other one. Was having to wash it every other day. It had holes in it by the end. It was distressing as people would say just make her but how can you force someone to keep a coat on or wear an “itchy” top. Luckily now she is totally different, and her clothes even have labels left in. She was 15/16 though before it got better.

My autistic children had the exact same issues from a similar age. My high school aged child will not wear a jumper under blazer or coat over blazer so winter is a struggle! You can buy seam free socks, underwear, T-shirts etc online

Yes my daughter is exactly the same. I think this was why she was a miserable baby, as until she could verbalise (or remove clothes she didn't like!) she just cried non stop.
She's 8 now, and unfortunately no better, if anything it's got worse as she's got older and more adamant on her likes and dislikes. This is the first year we've managed to get her to wear a coat, as she hates anything with cuffs and seams... A dry robe has been a game changer though, and she's worn it non stop.
No trainers with a tongue which is becoming increasingly difficult to find. We have to order seamless bamboo socks online from sock shop. She's very fussy with underwear, and won't wear trousers if they're tight (leggings are out of the question), but also hates anything baggy. Jumpers, she hates anything with a drop sleeve (most girls jumpers, so we usually have to buy boys ones) and t-shirts in the summer have to be very soft synthetic material, even cotton she says is scratchy and you can see the real uncomfortable reaction it causes her, it's like she feels pain from clothing that isn't just right.
She wanted Crocs like all her friends but couldn't bear the little bumps in the bottom of them, so we got her some fur lined ones which she liked in for a week, but once the fluff had gone flat, and she'd managed to get a grain of sand in one, that was it, point blank refusal to wear them. I spent ages brushing them out and making them like new, but once something is deemed no longer "safe", that's it. She gets extremely attached to "safe" outfits and will wear them to death. Then certain things that were once safe, suddenly become unbearable and we're back to square one.
We joke that we can go for a fortnights holiday, and it looks like she only joined us for 24 hrs because she'll wear the same two outfits on repeat, (I'm a hand washing pro now).
She is better when she knows she needs to wear something she doesn't love for a limited amount of time, and there will be a point she can remove it. For example, she plays football, cannot stand the kit, especially the boots, but if she knows the moment the game is over she can change, she manages to power through... She's often half naked in the back of the car as soon as she's out!
She is NOT autistic, very, very sociable, and has no issues at all at school, or in any other environment, just extremely sensory with clothing, and touch. She's very tactile and loves fidget toys, slime and any really soft fabrics. (She sleeps with a cashmere scarf 🤣) she also cannot ever be close enough to me, loves touching my skin. I was hoping she'd have grown out of the clothing issues by now, but like I said, it's actually got harder, but it's a small part of life that we just have to adjust our expectations to to meet her needs. I'm hoping once the need to be fashionable stage kicks in, she may lossen up a little!

This kind of tactile sensory processing difference can exist without autism. Look into what NHS occupational therapists advise online. There is lots of good advice for sensory processing out there. Your child may be over or under responsive to certain sensory input. Seamless clothes, natural fibres might help, cut out all the labels and turn some items inside out to the seamless side. Would your child wear fleecy socks with rubber non slip soles? Or no socks at home. I know children who can only tolerate knee length socks pulled up tight over tucked in leggings.

Look at sensory processing disorder/difficulties.

Sorry to jump on someone else’s thread but we’re in similar situation with our 17 year old. Did you go through NHS? We can pay to go privately to help him but nothing is NHS recognised. We’ve been waiting 18 months.

At 3 this along with tantrums as the biggest indicator of autism for my oldest. My younger child has bigger sensory issues. I don’t know if its ‘just’ sensory processing disorder or part of ASD.

Try seamless bamboo socks or even no socks. Some children need to be colder to regulate themsleves. Theraml long sleeved tops instead of layers.

There is a really good book by Angie Voss called ‘How to understand your child’s sensory signs’.

@AthxTraining which area of the country are you in? We have paid privately for assessment.

Just to say sensory processing disorder can occur on its own. It's associated with autism but not always. ( I am an OT).

I paid privately because DC2 was at uni and struggling so it was urgent. Their GP did agree to Shared Care once the meds dose had been stable for 3 months.

https://adhdconsultancy.co.uk/

We went to this psychiatrist. She is incredibly experienced and very well respected. She used to be in charge of adult ADHD for an NHS mental health trust:

She is also incredibly generous with her time. She also diagnosed me and offers me constant email support without any extra charge.

The only problem is that she often has a sign on her bookings page that she is closed to new patients and it is there now. You could try emailing to ask when she might be available again.

Your other alternative is NHS Right to Choose . However, I have heard that although the diagnosis might be done within a few weeks it takes months or longer to start on the medication. Also there is no guarantee that your GP would agree to Shared Care (ie prescribing the meds on the NHs) . I would have a discussion with your GP about this. If they don’t agree to Shared Care, they will have to refer you to an NHS psychiatrist to review the meds and the waiting list for that is long - something like 2 years.

if you do go fully private, which is the fastest way to get on the meds, make sure you choose an experienced and well-respected psychiatrist so your GP is more likely to agree to Shared Care. Might even be worth changing GPs if yours doesn’t agree to it. I heard recently on Radio 4 that only around half (I think) of GPs will agree to Shared Care for ADHD meds.

Do you have any idea how often it occurs on it’s own? Not that it would help me work out if my child just has SPD.

My children are similar and I also have similar issues. I just buy a lot of the things they can tolerate and put a lot of effort into finding well priced items that comply with needs and that also feel nice. For example sports socks stay on the foot better than ordinary socks so we have hundreds (not quite but feels like) identical plain pairs for school. Things with flat seams and no labels and so on. Also second hand school uniform is also softer as it’s been washed a lot so that helps.

North west but I’m originally from the south east. I think we’d travel pretty much anywhere to get some support and a diagnosis from a recommended clinician. There are mental health illness in the family too and the overlap between possible presentations of autism, ADHD, bipolar and normal teenage angst is huge. We’ve tried not to overreact and patiently wait but we now worried our son feels we’re under reacting to his detriment.

Thanks so much for the info. Im actually under the care of CMHT myself so I can ask my pyschiarritst. It never occurred to me to speak to her as GP referred us to community paediatrics but he’ll be 18 soon.

My brother was like this and he'd strip off to shorts at home, non itchy elsewhere. My DH is also really reactive to fabrics that don't bother me but do him and rejects anything not soft to wear.

My son tolerated a specific base layer top and bottom and would wear shorts or t shirt over the top. Looked silly but never mind. Very much a uniform.

In terms of sock, warm then up, pre- stretch the fibres and do a food massage first to desensitise. Like rub a dub the feet with a towel.

And yes to seam free socks.

Hi everyone. Thank you for your replies- although I admit some of them have made me a little anxious!

For now, I’m going to treat this as a sensory processing issue that may well be a development phase, as we don’t have any reason to believe it’s anything bigger at this point. We won’t go strict uniform but will try to find comfy, soft, thermal clothing and have fewer options to choose from with a couple of each item.