Curious …

[patsypam]

I know this will drum up a mix of answers, of which I know none will be right or wrong. I also know some won’t have the luxury of this option… but I’m just curious.

Im a FTM, child is 1 in 14 days. I’m still on mat leave, starting back in the new year part time. (took extended and used some savings) DH parents aren’t in the picture, my mum still works and my dad is disabled. I haven’t had a day/night away from baby since he was born, bar one day at a wedding but I came home to him.

He is having his first sleepover at nanny’s this Saturday, and to say I’m beyond excited is an understatement. I love him beyond measure, but my god I’m so ready for a break!

My husband’s work colleagues often tell him, we’re mad that we haven’t had a night away/apart from him yet and speak of how it was/is a regular occurrence for them and their kids. Many of my friends had kids quiet abit younger than I have (I’m 33) and so nights out etc were still quiet a regular occurrence back then, so I guess yes, they all had frequent nights/days apart too.
However, were quiet homely now. Don’t go out of an evening much. But still this is a welcome break.

So I guess my question is, for those parents who have family nearby and willing, how often do you spend a night away from your child/children? Is it a once in a blue moon situation? Or a regular occurrence?

My boys are grown, but when little, it was a rarity. Maybe 3 times in a year?? I was exhausted and my MIL just didn't like my children. My parents were in a tiny flat and had no room or much interest in keeping them. It was hard, but we made it through. What works for you all doesn't need to be measured against what works for others. Bully for those who still go out; it's not their place to judge what you choose.

We had no family locally so nights out were few and far between. I joined an NCT babysitting circle which was helpful for the odd night out.

We encouraged sleepovers - kids are older now so I can’t remember how often, but we thought it was good for them to get used to being looked after by other people, just in case we couldn’t look after them ourselves for some unplanned reason.

My DDs are teens now but lovely MIL looked after then 5 - 10 times a year sometimes just for an evening of babysitting at our house or sometimes, when DDs were older, overnight or for a few days at her house. DH and I are homebodies, not going out frequently so this worked fine for birthday and anniversary dinners or the occasional evening out.

I think in the first year, many mothers/parents hardly get a break. Babies that age are often needy and often what they need most is their mums (and/or dads). At the very beginning, DD1 was a tricky pickle so even though MiL was happy to babysit, it didn't work very well until DD was over a year old. Likewise, DD2 was EBF so until she was eating solids we needed to be together.

My parents live in another country but if my mother lived here, I would have had to ask her not to come or help - she loves babies!

Do what you want to do. There’s no normal. My husband and I will go away separately with friends a couple of times a year but haven’t been away just the two of us for 11 years- we just don’t have anyone who will have them both overnight. There’ll be others who get a weekly night off.

DS is 6 and he’s never been away from both DH and I overnight. We both travel for work from time to time so he’s used to staying with one of us but he’s never had a sleepover anywhere or had one of us not in the house overnight. My parents have babysat once or twice but DH and I also tend to socialise separately so we cover each other. I think we’re relatively unusual based on friends/family but I think it’s also because DH and I have a pretty good balance.

My child is only a young toddler and we have each had holidays away from them but not at the same time. We don't have any family nearby. My parents visit and are eager to help but my baby doesn't know them enough so wouldn't settle. I think it would be different if they were round the corner and everyone would know each other well.

PIL - never. Didn't live nearby.
My Mum for health reasons didn't have baby alone overnight but often stayed at our house. So whilst we never had an overnight break, my Mum was really hands on and helpful so it spread the load.

We have family near by. When our son was small like yours, my Mum would have him maybe two three times a year, but we went on to have two more boys and the offers dropped off (understandably- 3 boys under 5 is a lot). So for ten years or so, we had maybe one night per year. Like you, we’re homely and don’t crave an active night life, but do welcome the break and opportunity to re-connect and it does do wonders for the old marriage.

it’s personal and I’d say don’t listen to anything anyone else says. What works for them is great but it doesn’t mean it needs to work for you. At only 1, your little one is still small and I presume your first. Sounds like you’re doing exactly the right thing for you and let’s face it, Nanny’s love their time with the grandkids too - everyone’s a winner.

Our boys are 9, 11 & 14 now and we’re just getting to the stage where some can be left alone for a few hours. It feels very very odd abd looking back, we feel really pleased that we didn’t go out loads and loads because now, it feels like such a treat and something we really look forward to, but again, everyone is different.

what I will say though, is that we have very much maintained our own lives with friends and we both go out and see friends (rarely over night), frequently.

Once a month or so, give or take. Started from 6 weeks.

Enjoy.

We also thought it was important for our DC to be able to stay away from home and they did sleepovers at my parents from a few months old. Once they were at school they did sleepovers with friends.