kid sickness and work - How the heck are you all doing this?!

[Etatauri]

I have two children, both KS1. Since September we have had colds, temperatures, tonsillitis, stomach bugs, mesenteric adenitis, a bereavement...not unusual from what I read on here but seriously how are people managing the juggle? I just can't fathom it. My husband is paye, I'm part time self-employed. Due to this I'm the default parent probably 80:20-60:40 depending on the week, but if I don't work we don't get paid. I'm at the point now where I feel I genuinely cannot take another day off. There are some huge deadlines looming and I'm so very behind. I've been working in the evenings and at weekends to the point that I'm now absolutely knackered. Today I have some huge things to get done, and DH is in back-to-back meetings...the 4 year old is off school with a fever. DH has said it'll be his day to deal with the interruptions, but she wants mum, and no matter how many times I take her down to him she keeps calling for me or coming up to find me. It's not like I'm getting much work done ferrying her up and down the stairs. She's not even being that demanding when she's next to me, she just wants to be close and snuggle, but whilst very sweetly and constantly muttering/singing under her breath. She's trying to be considerate in that she's not speaking at top volume, but whatever volume it is it's distracting! She's obviously very small, she can't just be left to her own devices but there have just been SO MANY DAYS now. How are people doing this? I'm on my knees. DH is behind at work too.

I feel like this is a problem so many people face, and just get on with it, but it feels totally .... I don't even know what the word is, bleught!!!!!

Grandparents, domestic helpers, SAHMs, work from home.

It doesn't work when both parents have to be in the office for 3-5 days a week.

@BoyFTM645 part of me is incredibly grateful we both work from home and can therefore catch up during the unsociable hours, the other part of me wishes I didn't have that option as then we wouldn't be juggling quite so much and wouldn't be this knackered. Not that I have a clue where the kids would be in that scenario as we've no options, but still!

I know lots of people will say "what did you expect"? But honestly, no, I did not appreciate that having small kids means everyone being sick on a loop and that no matter how much money i bring, I am still "mum" and small kids just want mum.

Will file this under "all the things I didn't appreciate or know about before I had kids".

And yes, agree WFH is a blessing and a bit of a curse at the same time.

Childcare if you can afford it.

Family help if you're lucky enough to have it.

Or just endless juggling like you are if you don't have either of those.

If DH is an employee he is entitled to unpaid parental leave to cover this kind of thing so get him to use some of that if that helps.

Headphones help – I can pop headphones on to tune out the small child singing, chatting to themselves, or whatever they're watching, and if they're sitting next to me, they can still get my attention easily. Illness is also generally a time when we relax screen time limits, and when they're home ill and I have to work is a time when screen time limits go flying out the window (although one child is not that interested in watching stuff, even when ill, which is a different challenge...).

DD is never ill. That is not a boast I find it odd, I wasn't ill for years then found out I had autoimmune disease and my immune system was in overdrive so sometimes I worry about her never being ill tbh.

There’s only myself and my partner as my mother passed away this year, my father works full time and my grandparents are too old now to cope with a toddler. My partners family are all abroad. I really struggle to be honest as seem to be the default parent too. We’ve had a constant stream of 3 months worth of colds, infections, coughs and he burnt himself whilst my partner wasn’t watching him properly whilst I was working a weekend.

I have to keep taking unpaid parental leave and no matter how much I try and reason with my partner ( he would get paid leave as he hasn’t used any of his allocated hours yet) he seems to think his job is more important than mine and also more important than our child. He doesn’t understand I can’t send him to the childminder when he has a temperature and even if he doesn’t and I can see he’s clearly unwell I won’t send him and make other kids ill as other parents could be in the same situation as us. It’s incredibly tough! My employer seems to be quite understanding ( for now anyway) and I’m praying after this current bout of illness ( he’s a finger sucker and has an infection on his hands from the constant sucking that’s caused it to spread over his body now and he’s had a temp, sickness and is on antibiotics) we will see a change 🙈

That's a good thought. I have the loop earplugs but she just comes and taps on my arm to let me know she wants my attention 🤣 also have one who won't sit in front of a screen for long. It's a juggle alright!

There are so many things in that file I can't even close it 🤣 I didn't have a clue what I was letting myself in for. It was DH who was desperate for the kids and I thought he'd end up doing most of it not really thinking about the fact he earns double my salary and that mums are almost always the preferred parent, at this point anyway!

We have somewhat more luck with games on the tablet - mazes, jigsaws, colouring, teach your monster to read/do maths, etc. I can make positive noises in the direction of the latest completed jigsaw without really breaking my concentration.

I do say 'somewhat more luck', though. She's been hospitalised and still sat up in her bed going 'Colouring? Play doh? Blocks?'

Genuine question, how do you find same-day childcare for sick kids? Is it only if you have a nanny? DS's nursery & previous childminder won't take him if he is sick, & neither would grandparents as they (understandably) don't want to catch a bug themselves.

At that age we took it in turns, I worked 3 days a week so rarely needed more than one day off as I worked Mon/Tues/Thurs so day 3 was my day off anyway.

Now its a bit more who has what on, neither of us can really work from home, bits we can do but main job isn't possible.

Who earns what has never been a consideration, both have jobs to maintain. No family help at all nearby no childcare we can call on.

Nannies and sometimes au pairs will care for children when they're ill.

If you don't have your own, regular nanny you can use an agency like Bubble or British Nannies who will send out an emergency nanny. There are probably others if you Google.

It's pricey, of course, but it does exist as a service if you can afford it.

Other people may use friends nannies/au pairs, babysitters etc. A lot of people who know they have no family cover cultivate a catalogue of people that they can call on in an emergency.

I don't know anyone with a nanny or aupair unfortunately, I'll have a look at the companies you suggested but I'm guessing its £100+ for a day for something like that? I'll only be earning about £30k (gross) if I go back full-time so I don't think it would be affordable unfortunately 😕

When DS1 was very small the firm I worked for used to provide 5 paid for by the company days of emergency childcare a year (a nanny simply turned up for 8am allowing DH and I to get to work). It was amazing. Although clearly had something to do with the 50 hour weeks I routinely worked. We also had a childminder/nanny who would take them when ill (only two families so eg chickenpox the other children had had it so off my DSs went). My DM in extremis would also descend (lives over two hours away, so not regularly) and has never feared a sick child, bring robustly healthy herself. We were lucky, although the childminder was expensive (and worth every single penny).

I think it could potentially be double that tbh. You're looking at £20ph at least I would have thought.

Luckily mine weren’t too bad. Nursery for first year was very snotty then they ended up bullet proof. I have no other childcare.
lots of flexible working
lots of child in bed / sofa with iPad
took in turns with partner
Mine weren’t clingy tho