Why do I find parenting so hard?

[PostPartum8990]

I am 9 weeks PP with my second baby. I have an almost 3.5 year old. I am struggling so much. I feel like I’m drowning.

My 3.5 year old is so needy of me. She is currently being referred for an ASD assessment which will obviously take years but she has additional funded support at pre school. She has 0 patience and wants everything done as soon as she asks. She goes from 0-100 with her emotions and I’m finding being around her difficult. I love her so much. She goes to pre school and my in laws so the only day I have the two of them together, alone is Wednesday.

My 9 week old won’t be put down, every time I do, he wakes up crying. So I am wearing him a lot.

I don’t feel like I’m coping. I feel as though I’m on the brink of a mental breakdown all of the time.

I am waiting for an ADHD assessment as I’ve realised that I have actually really struggled with life since I was a child, but it’s a long waiting list too.

I don’t know what to do, I just want to be happy but I’m really not enjoying being a mum and feel they deserve a better mum than I can be.

Oh @PostPartum8990 I also have a 3 year old waiting for an ASD assessment, it feels so hard and lonely, and that's without the challenges of a new baby. I hated the baby stage with both of mine, absolutely loathed it. My hormones went massively out of kilter and I suspect I had postnatal depression both times, but never sought any help. Don't be like me- please ask your HV or children's centre what support there is. I just bumbled along and ended my mat leave early as found (and still find) working easier than parenting. Also, have you been along to any baby or toddler groups? I found a little tribe both times, and it really helped having a regular group to look forward to every week.

I really hope things look a bit brighter for you soon x

Give yourself some grace.

You are 9 weeks post partum. I was a mess at 9 weeks post partum. A mess. And i continued to be a mess for a long, long time. Babies are hard work.

You have a 3.5 year old too.

The toddler could have additional needs.

You are doing great!!!

The thing with "coping" is that it's not the same as finding it easy. You are coping, you haven't walked away or done anything bad, you're just finding things extra hard. Things that all of us find extra hard. You're not alone in feeling like this.

Take each day as it comes.

You’re finding it hard because it is hard.

9 weeks PP can be hard. 9 weeks PP with a toddler- harder. Suspected ND in toddler- harder. Suspected ND in yourself, on top of all that? Even harder.

This season of life you’re in might just be about surviving. And slowly it’ll get easier, and you’ll start to thrive as well.

Be compassionate towards yourself while you get there.

I have an almost 3 year old and an 8 week old (and a 12 year old but he gives me no problems!)

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m finding having two little ones incredibly difficult. As a pp said you’re finding it hard because it is hard. Try to give yourself some grace and celebrate small wins, however small.

Don’t worry op, parenting is hard, it’s not you.