3 year old discipline

[MCMP13]

How do you ‘discipline’ your 3 year old?

Mine has starting to speak quite disrespectful to us, hitting and kicking when he’s angry and shouting at us - not sure where he has learnt this. We currently use ‘times outs’, and try to talk to him but he doesn’t really care.

Any tips or advice appreciated.

*Would like to say he is absolutely not like this all the time, it’s mostly when he is frustrated and doesn’t get his own way etc. I am also a first time mum so please don’t go at me. Just trying our best

I’ve got a three year old, who also has his moments 😂. I tend to say “No hitting” very firmly and then remove him to his bedroom until he says he is ready to say sorry/ have a hug. Mine really needs the quiet space to calm down.

I think they are still very young and very much learning emotional skills. And it is very frustrating not to get your own way, especially when you don’t understand the reason (Hint, it’s because you are three.) If he is lovely most of the time I wouldn’t worry, you are doing a great job!

I echo the using 'no' firmly when needed and removing from the situation if violent etc. I also don't help / get them what they want unless I'm asked politely. Sometimes a question like "how can you ask that more politely?" helps. My DD4 is at her worst when she's hungry so often instead of letting situations spiral when she starts being rude (which I've definitely accidentally done before!), I'll say something like "please don't speak to me like that. You seem really upset - are you hungry/ do you want a cuddle" etc. Basically distracting/defusing the situation. If he's shouting, I'd say you can either go outside and shout or stay inside and talk more quietly. Sounds like you're doing a great job! Xx

Discipline is from the Latin root 'discipulus' meaning student or pupil. Similar to disciple. And to 'discere', to learn. I find this very helpful to remember regarding my 3yo son's behaviour. It's about teaching the right way to behave to these undeveloped emotional brains, not punishing the wrong way. I think I read that in Sarah Ockwell Smith though could be wrong.

Some books I really found helpful, I think I listened to most of these on Spotify: There's no such thing as naughty by Kate Silverton, How to talk so little kids will listen by Joanna Faber had Julie King, Toddler Calm by Sarah Ockwell Smith.

My son's behaviour now at 3.5y after me putting into practice various techniques I learned, and just my general approach from reading the above, is so much improved. Obviously age plays a part and he's no angel, but on the whole he's a kind well behaved child. We struggled through violence, ignoring us, deliberate damage of things, running off, huge tantrums from 2 something.