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To be upset son didn't wish me happy birthday

9 replies

Fairymodmother · 24/11/2025 12:02

Sounds silly I know but I am genuinely hurt. My son is 20 and I've raised him alone since he turned 9. Worked hard to ensure he never felt the financial downside of only having one contributing parent. He was away with friends this weekend, at a concert I had paid for for his birthday, using money I had given him for Christmas. Yet, come my birthday, I didn't even receive a 'Happy Birthday mum' message.

When I did speak to him on the phone, I said I'd been out with my youngest son to an event and that a friend had sent me a card in the post and some flowers, his response was "has the ring doorbell you wanted got there? If not it must have been delivered to mine." I said no, haven't received anything from him and he was just like oh ok. I don't expect gifts, but I always ensure my kids feel special on their birthdays, I always go the extra mile and both my boys love their birthdays because of this.

It's really hurt my feelings, as he made such a fuss of his flatmate on her birthday a few weeks ago. Surely it doesn't hurt to just send your mum a bloody text message! May just be me being sensitive. Think it hurts more because for a long time it was just us, and so we've always been close. He's been a bit dismissive of me as a teen, but I expected him to grow out of it by now.

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HardworkSendHelp · 24/11/2025 15:50

If he didn’t utter the words happy birthday then you are not being insensitive. Did he pay for the ring doorbell as a gift.
i would expect a card, gift and a phone call as a minimum all to arrive by my birthday. As that is what I would do for my kids. I am not going to throw a strop if something gets delayed but the a call and birthday wishes would be the most important thing.

AllPlayedOut · 24/11/2025 15:55

No you’re not being silly. That is utterly shit of him and I’d make my feelings known. I also think that he should be getting you a gift too though. I can’t imagine treating my Mum like that. He is an adult so no excuses for a message at the very least.

Happy belated birthday.

Fairymodmother · 24/11/2025 16:01

He only acknowledged it because I'd said a friend had sent me a card and flowers, then he mentioned the ring doorbell that he said he'd get me because someone keeps taking my recycling bin. Last year I had my Christmas present at the end of January. I won't hold my breath.

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SerendipityDiamond · 24/11/2025 16:11

I would be upset and hurt and I would tell him in a calm, non emotional way.
Hopefully he won’t get defensive and will give it some thought next time.
If not I would scale back what I do for his birthday on the assumption that it wouldn’t bother him.

bluefluffytrees · 24/11/2025 16:16

I would pull him up on this. He is 20 years old not a child. At this point, you are well in your rights to say I will treat your birthdays how you treat mine. It doesn’t take much to say happy birthday and to get a gift and a card and the fact that he can do it for his flat mate shows you that he knows what to do. He just doesn’t care to put the effort in to make you feel good. I know how Upsetting it is and it’s not a reflection of you as a mum or a person.

bluefluffytrees · 24/11/2025 16:16

And for Christmas, I would not be giving as much effort as I previously did

Fairymodmother · 24/11/2025 17:04

Thank you all. I thought I was just being a bit menopausal. I will scale back a bit from now on. On reflection, maybe I've placed him on a pedestal and minimised myself, in order to give him the best. Really appreciate the comments 🩷

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MNLurker1345 · 24/11/2025 17:28

My DD, only child, did not call me and wish me happy birthday, earlier in the month. I called her later in the evening and said -
Me “Hi [name], are you alright?”
DD “Hi mum, yes I’m fine”.
Me “Are you sure you are alright?”
Dd “Yes, why?”
Me “Because it’s my birthday today and you haven’t called me”.
DD “Oh mum, I am so sorry, I forgot, I have been so busy……”
I could hear her genuine cringe over the phone!

I didn’t get upset but I wasn’t going to go to bed without her wishing me a happy birthday.

NotThisShitAgain121 · 10/01/2026 20:40

You are not being oversensitive. He needs to sort his shit out!

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