Has anyone pulled their baby out of daycare because they struggled to settle?

[MHMama]

Hi All. Looking for some advice

My baby (11 months) has been attending a childminders for 3 weeks now. This was 2 weeks of settling in sessions and the last week was supposed to be gradually longer to build up to a full day.

The longest my baby has made it is 2.5hrs as he is always crying inconsolably so I get called to collect him.

We’ve tried having my husband drop him off, sending his favourite toys, his bottle, favourite foods. The childminder has also tried singing his favourite nursery rhymes and reading his favourite books with him/taking him for walks but nothing settles him and he doesn’t stop crying the whole time he’s there.

We can’t think of what else to try to help settle the baby at daycare and I don’t want to harm him by leaving him somewhere where he’s continuously crying.

It’s making me very anxious that he’s crying for such a long period of time and I’m considering pulling him out of daycare and quitting my job. Maybe we can try again when he’s 2/2.5 years old..

Has anyone done this? Or any advice? It’d be greatly appreciated.

I had this years ago. It was actually much better in new place. Can you move places? What is your feeling about current place?

Haven’t thought about trying a new daycare with how much the little guy is struggling. Might be something to think about though, thank you.

The childminder has said they think it’s too much for my baby to be away from me just yet and maybe we should wait till he’s a few months older and I appreciated the honesty

You could try a nanny if that's financially possible. It might be better than quitting your job even if initially you're just working to pay the nanny. Very sensitive children will often do better with one-on-one care in their own home.

Or try a different childminder, perhaps he just doesn't click with this one.

Yes, I had to pay a months fees as a notice period which i didn't use and use all my savings to take another 6 months maternity leave, during that time I found another nursery which worked out really well when i did go back to work. The original nursery got slated by Ofsted a few months later as a toddler had managed to leave the building un-noticed and make their way into a secondary school car park.

Do you leave DC with relatives at all? Or anyone else? That might give you idea of if they are ok in some settings / with some people…

Sadly this is peak separation anxiety time for your child. Have you ever left your child with anyone? As @Bufftailed says it would give you an indicator whether they are like this with everyone or just the childminder.

How many other children are in the setting? How much attention is your child getting? He is used to one on one. Does this setting provide something similar? I would try another setting before giving up your job. That is a huge decision to make and one which requires some thought in terms of ease of returning to work, if you want more children, the sole earner responsibility being on your Dh, pension etc.

I sent mine at 2 years old. He went into the big room , so there was no chance to nap, even though he still needed one. They put him on a little mattress in the corner but other kids wouldn’t leave him alone. Then they insisted that he have a hot dinner, but he didn’t want it, he wanted a sandwich, he wasn’t going to eat fish pie or curry. Therefore I was picking up a hungry knackered child. So I pulled him out, but I’m lucky that I could.

Yes. Well I sacked a nanny after 3 weeks and then found a local child minder instead. Best decision ever.
however if yours isn’t working then find another one.
being called to pick up your baby is not helpful to you and stressful for everyone.

I’ve left him with extended family for a few hours multiple times and he’s been fine then.

Maybe the new environment/ new people is too much for him

Did you read the post? She is using a childminder.

OP when you leave your DC there for settling in sessions do you leave or hang around? I think having you there can prolong the settling.

Sorry just edited to update

Is your job something you can leave and go back to easily, if you can afford it, of course? It would break my heart to leave my baby like this and can't be doing him any good.

Fwiw it was my mum that convinced me to change my childcare arrangement.
her comment was - you don’t know what is upsetting your baby but it is the only way they have of communicating so you need to listen.

it was stressful to change. However. He settled brilliantly with the next CM. She was totally different.
i could not have known this would happen. The nanny had amazing references and seemed lovely at interview.

the CM was less polished. But she was what my 11mo needed.

make a change. Best of luck.

An experienced childcare provider should be able to settle a baby. Only 1 week of going on his own is way too soon. Mine didn’t properly settle (not crying at drop off) for 3 months, but they never had to be collected as were fine after I left.

But what I would want to know is, is the childminder able to actually comfort him and settle him in? Or is she overwhelmed with other children, doing the school run, trying to get to some group and rushing out the door? I’d want to know that she had capacity to actually provide comfort. I think this is one of the advantages of nursery. Most of the children are well settled, so with multiple staff, someone can get the day started and someone can just sit and hold them and provide 1 to 1 care.

Sounds like a shit childminder to be honest.

And experienced caregiver should be able to settle and distract an 11 month old. She probably doesn't have the bandwith.

Nursery or a nanny would better.

If he is coping without you in other environments suggests the setting is not a good fit. Can childminder do a visit to your home? Is everything being done to comfort him while there? Have you spent time with him there?