Toddler not eating at wits end!

[Tiddybiddy247]

I need some advice. my two year old (almost 2.5 year old) will not eat dinner or any carbs. he will happily snack on fruit, and if offered something sweet he'll never say no. Although he tends to eat the top off of a cake and leave the sponge. He will sometimes eat things on the go in his pushchair. but never a cooked meal.

He still demands boobs 5 or 6 times a day, but I try and keep it to just nap times and bed time. He wakes 3 to 4 times a night (we co sleep) and needs a boob back to sleep.
My issue is this, family and friends are saying it's the boob stopping him from eating. GP says I'm causing him to be malnourished by continuing to breastfeed. I offer him food all the time. 3 meals a day and snacks. he will only ever eat a few bites. weaning him is my other big issue, we have daily tantrums over demanding boobs and me trying to implement 'boundaries' I would really like to stop breastfeeding because of this, but am trying to go it gently.

Friends tell me I need to refuse to give him anything else unless he eats what's offered at dinner time. I try and try and then give in by letting him have yogurt and fruit because I don't want him to go to bed hungry. I've stopped giving him snacks the last couple of days in the hope he will be hungry at dinner and lunch. He will not eat ANY vegetables no matter how it's prepared. He wont eat anything with sauce on it.

I tried to do baby led weaning when he was younger and it was all going well until this started just before he turned 2. I try not to make a fuss at dinner or make any comment and just keep presenting him with whatever we are having but it's soul destroying and I am so worried about his weight.

I'm so conflicted. He's very thin as well. today he has eaten a small amount of cheese and four cashew nuts...that's IT! he refused his pasta dinner...

I'm exhausted emotionally from all the tantrums and the worry of trying to get food into my kid. My husband is too. Where am I going wrong? What can I do?

As someone who breastfed my child until 2, I say stop the breastfeeding.

My eldest was exactly like this…. He would eat nothing. I remember sometimes even just pleading him to eat some quavers for dinner as it was better than nothing, he then ate fruit and bread/toast/bagels and butter for best part of a year. He also ate yogurt but didn’t eat a proper meal. Since he started nursery at 3 he’s started to eat more things, not a huge amount but he does eat things that resemble a meal now. I got loads of bat shit advice like just starve him then he will eat it or hide things in his food or don’t give any snacks etc ! It is so hard and frustrating ! My second eats much better and both were bottle fed and weaned the exact same way ?

So you’ve been told what to but aren’t doing it. So stop letting him have all the control and stop breastfeeding. He won’t starve. But he will eat.

Read My Child Won’t Eat by Carlos Gonzales.

dont stop bf - it won’t make a child not keen on food suddenly eat and they will lose all those nutrients

Such a kind response. Thank you

I would night wean. You don’t have to stop completely if you don’t want to avd for me, night weaning first was so much easier than stopping daytime feeds and still being woken multiple times in the night.

The Dr Jay Gordon method is very gentle.

I would say to any parent that giving too much milk will reduce appetite. And if you think about the food problem as being just another toddler problem it might help you to work out how to deal with it. What I mean is, you tell your child to eat, they say no. You tell them it’s time to leave the park, they say no.
In the 2nd instance, you tell them it’s time to go home, they kick up a fuss , you give in, so they learn that you don’t really mean what you say, and if they play up they get their own way. With their food, you give them pasta, they refuse to eat it, so you offer them yogurt ( a sweet treat) so they won’t be hungry.
Mealtimes have been turned into a battle ground. It’s a battle you can’t win, so you need to back off.
You may not like my suggestion, but here it is.
Meals always up to the table, everyone eating as a family. Meal put in front of child with no comment. Ignore whining or bad behaviour. Parents chat and eat. When parents finish, all plates are cleared (unless by some miracle the child is eating!) No comments or cajoling. No pudding for parents in front of the children because you don’t want the child to start crying for pudding when they haven’t eaten dinner.
You have to keep this up day after day.
Other rules: No snacks in between meals. They aren’t necessary. Three meals a day is enough. A child with a small appetite will be filled up by snacks or milk. And although it’s hard, it’s worth persevering.
I do have experience in this, I had a large family and I childminded and fostered. I had many parents worried about toddlers not eating who were amazed that they ate everything put in front of them at my house.
It’s also worth remembering that a lot of toddlers go through this at about 2 years old. Think of it as a part of the terrible twos. They want to have the control, so taking away the conflict might just be the answer!

So up 10 feeds in a 24 hour period? 6 during the day and 4 overnight? That’s loads of milk so it makes sense he’s not hungry for food. I would look into night weaning and maybe also just taking some time for yourself more because you may find he eats for Dad/Grandma because they don’t have the boobs. Also since you say you’re concerned about his weight I would ask for a referral to the paediatrician dietician for some professional advice- GP or HV should be able to do that for you.

My DS was like this. Really really restrictive diet. I would hate it when people would say dont offer an alternative he won't Starve. I genuinely think my son would have! Small small small changes are the only way to go. So for example if he likes sweets things have you tried cooking carrots or parsnips in honey? Keep offering do not expect him to eat it the first 5/10 times you serve it. If he does eat them slowly slowly reduce the amount of honey. If your son is like mine you just can't go from how he is now to him eating normal meals overnight. It's introduce safe foods very slowly. Keep offering.

Also allowing him to serve himself sometimes worked. So I would put everything on a chopping Board and give him his bowl. Always included some safe food on there. For some reason him choosing to put it on his plate worked (sometimes)

Also I would always always offer a banana before bed with my son if he didn't eat dinner
But not at the table at dinner time. It was get down and offer it later.

I would hate it when people would say dont offer an alternative he won't Starve. I genuinely think my son would have!

I agree. It just doesn't work, you can't starve a fussy eater into being less fussy...!

If I were you I wouldn't stop breastfeeding but I'd make sure not to breastfeed for at least 2h before each mealtime.

If he doesn't eat his dinner, it is a legitimate worry that he'll be up all night, but the alternative needs to be boring and definitely not sweet. We use plain greek yoghurt and crackers (never fruity yoghurt, that's so sugary) and definitely not pudding.

Other things that help slightly are always eating together at the table, and making a big show of how much you're enjoying your vegetables (say, arguing with dh about who gets the last bit - no, you've had three bits of asparagus, I get this one!)

Also finding food you can eat in a fun way, like pretending penne pasta is a trumpet, toot toot. Or (our latest favourite) playing "guess if it's carrot or is it sweet potato"

Any history of autism or adhd in the family?
My Ds who is now 10 was not very interested in food. He’s a sensory seeker and breastfed until he was 4.5. Once at nursery he dropped feeds but ate a very restricted diet of only certain things for lunch. He is awaiting surism
and adhd assessment with a strong family history of it on both sides. He is still very much restricted in what he will eat but is a healthy weight and very active. Some people have a weird attitude to breastfeeding toddlers. Is he actually malnourished or is your GP just giving you mum guilt?
Keep offering a variety of food. My children would only eat plain pasta. No sauce or anything for years. Do you eat with him? That way he can’t have boobs because you can say it’s eating time for you too and he will have to wait. He’s old enough to wait.
I wouldn’t worry too much unless he is actually malnourished. Just keep trying different foods and try not to get stressed or make food a battleground.

Experiment with textures until you find a texture he likes and then run with that. Safe textures rather than safe foods. My ds likes mashed potato. My dd likes overcooked soup noodles. Then you can put other things on the plate with the same texture, together with the safe food

I had an allergy/sick/food aversion first baby who genuinely would rather starve, even before weaning age, who gave me some perspective. Our second is almost 4 and she's a classic picky, breastfeeding, co sleeping one - she eats carbs, fruit brocoli and sweet items, but lacks protein. I would not cut out the breastmilk, perhaps try to distract a little to lengthen between feeds? Mine both started nursery very young, and both ate things there they never would at home 😅 have you considered the free hours?

With our first, the dietician/paediatric teams told us to leave food lying around the house to try, and eat in a low pressure way in the living room (us parents). The only real thing that's made a difference is time/maturity though.

I don’t have advice around the eating, sorry, but if you are ready to wean I’d also start with night feeds. We did this with my toddler last month. We spoke about it at bedtime for a few weeks prior and then one night I said no more booby during the night now. He did cry when he woke up, it took about 5 nights I would say, but I was there to comfort him and gave him lots of praise in the morning - this time of year was handy for getting rid of the morning feed too as it’s so dark, I thought it would be confusing so dropped that at the same time. We still feed to sleep, you don’t have to stop totally. Good luck! Once the nights are done you might find he wakes hungrier, also the daytime ones might drop off more naturally

Throughout history, people would have been breastfeeding for longer, so it doesn't make sense that it would make him malnourished. However humans would never have had the access to sugar that we now do and it sounds like he wants. I do agree with the night weaning, as you sound done in and currently he has an incentive to keep on waking and getting his calories at night. Aside from that, give whatever savoury food he will eat and consider how much is eaten across a week, not a day. Eat with him and let him try anything on your plate.

Try dinky portions and finger foods in attractive pots and things. Have a look at fun food for kids, sometimes toddlers love a car shaped sandwich. What about more carb based snacks such as breadsticks or homemade potato wedges? The texture of pasta might be wrong for him. He has lots of milk so he's probably not in a hurry to eat a whole plate of food yet. Good luck

Sorry you are going through this.
Do you have a list of what foods he will actually eat? Have you got a dietician? If not can you ask for a referral (or pay) you need to check he isn’t actually malnourished- if the GP thought that they should have sent him for blood tests, my child was malnourished and needed supplemental vitamins. Is he losing any weight? If so definitely see a dietician.
at this point Id recommend feeding him whatever he WILL eat for meals and snacks and go down on the breast feeds. At least then you have him eating higher calorie foods. Don’t worry at this point about the perfect diet, offer him the foods he likes to get him off breast feeding for nutrients. Then start introducing more food? Sounds very difficult and a good dietician may be able to help. Try and keep meal times relaxed and not stressful was advice I was given, if they want to eat as a picnic then that is fine - the main thing is they eat.

Plain greek yoghurt is very good for him, so maybe instead of setting up the dynamic of trying to make him eat dinner then 'giving in' - just serve dinner including greek yoghurt and some fruit and veg. Let him eat what he wants with no fuss or pressure, if it's all good food then it doesn't matter what he eats.