Is this normal 4 year old boy behaviour?

[Kaityx44]

My ds son is 4 nearly 5 years old
Recently his behaviour is getting hard to manage and im notnsure if its normal child behaviour or something else going on

Ds is very clever constant praise from nursery but at home he never sits still constanly fidgeting or hanging upside down throwing himself about or shaking his head or bouncing on the spot. Just very hyper all the time . He is great at learning if its something he is interested in advanced with his speech and learning etc ..
He hardly sleeps he wakes during the night for us and doesn't like being alone has been like this for 2 years . Im so sleep deprived so dont know if thats why im noticing the fidgeting more . Constantly moaning or saying he is bored needs my undivided attention 24/7 we do lots of walking and exercising etc .
He goes to activities which is now our new challenge if there is a new teacher he will refuse to do the class . But today was a whole new level he had to do his grading which involves other kids he doesnt know being there he was excited but as soon as he seen them he refused to do it and had an hour long melt down to the point he was making himself gag and struggle to breathe . Im very good at calming him down but today was impossible.

He does not fo well with change or new people. My friend said she thinks my ds could gave adhd or autism or something but my partner wont entertain the idea

I know it might sound a bit odd but try increasing his exercise so he's more tired. My DS had ADHD and specialist told me to do this and I found it really helped to get him calmer.

This reminds me of my son when he was little. It is exhausting, isn't it?

He does not have ADHD but displayed all the behaviours you mention. He's 11 now and much more chilled but still very headstrong in many ways.

About sleep - One of us (mainly my very generous husband) slept in the same room as my son until he was six and was better able to cope with being alone in his room. (I also had issues with insomnia and this was partly why I slept alone too). Could this be an option? Or having a little space on your bedroom floor for him to sleep on if he wants to be closer in the middle of the night?

About the grading where there were strangers - did you talk to him about this beforehand to help him prepare mentally for the situation? I've found this to be very helpful.

I would recommend looking up information from Dr Becky Kennedy on "deeply feeling kids" - I found it really helpful and reassuring.

There may be signs of Adhd/asd but there are also lots of signs of anxiety. Id address the anxiety first and see if that resolves the hyperactivity symptoms/needing constant attention.
i wonder about his relationship with Dad. Dad not being open to AdHD/ASD seems to indicate that if his son is different from his expectations, he might struggle with that? This could put a lot of pressure (anxiety) on your son, wanting to please dad by being smart at school or good at sports.
what happens at night when he wakes up? Does he come to your bed? Do you go to his room? There may be some rivalry with Dad (and you would need to claim dad as a partner) or tgere may be some anxieties about a potential sibling? Are you TTC? There may be other things going On but it would need more exploration.
What is school /nursery saying? Is he making friends? How does he deal with separation in the morning? How is he when he comes back in the evening?
All these questions could help you try to understand whats going on with him.
also role modelling (esp dad because he is a boy) how you deal with things that went wrong during the day can be a good way to lift some of the pressure: oh my boss wasnt too happy with my report today! I was a bit worried he would tell me off but we talked and i explained i didnt understand everything. It was ok, he explained again and helped me and we work together. You can talk to eachothers as adults using child friendly language in his earshot. Hearing dad struggling, worried about something and expressing his feelings about it is very helpful to little boys

It has been said about young boys you need to run them like you would an energetic dog. Sounds like he is not getting enough exercise, doesn’t have to be clubs etc just take him to the park with a ball and let him run it out

I will mention that while Dr Becky and deeply feeling kids has some good advice it also attracts some criticism from people who believe that it is simply relabeling neurodivergent dc into something that sounds more palatable to adults.
It is worth reading some of the parenting books based around managing anxiety and perhaps some for supporting neurodivergent dc.

Have you ever had your DS assessed? It sounds like he could be on the autism spectrum but high functioning. The poor sleep at his age and also not liking any form of change plus his hyperactivity are all red flags. How was he with reaching milestones and did your health visitor / nurse ever have any concerns about him before now? You should ask your GP for a referral.

Ds is very well exercised we go walks , at the park and the skate park he loves being on his scooter etc does alot of active things with his dad

His dad isn't saying saying no to possibly being adhd incase he is different he just thinks its normal boy behavior. We don't talk about it infront if my son and definitely no pressure from his dad
Im just not sure as he is our only kid I was just wondering if it was normal behavior or if there could be something going on. Like adhd etc ir if its normal

He wakes up and shouts us to go through or comes through to our bedroom.

I didnt explain about other kids and a different teacher today as I didn't know myself.

He has reached every milestone and never had any concerns. Nursery says he is doing great and very clever and plays with most kids but they do come up to him to ask to play he doesnt ask first. Follows the rules etc nursery hasn't mentioned anything at all but I havent said to them as I feel if they thought something they would say.

We joke about taking the dog for a walk in this house.

We don't have a dog.

DS did not sleep until after he was 6. He was still coming in to us four times a night.

He's well behaved and always has been. Just massively always on the go.

He has an ADHD diagnosis at this point - I would call him normal though as opposed to not normal.

I see what you mean but I'm not sure this is completely accurate as she also talks separately about neurodivergent children.

Some children can be more intense or sensitive than others without being neurodivergent.