Baby constantly whining and unhappy

[280826Amy]

Looking for advice, solidarity, anything at this point...

I have an almost 7m old and parenthood has not been easy so far. I know it never is, but I see people talking about chill babies and loving parenthood despite its challenges and it just feels so far from my experience.

Baby started out with severe dairy allergies from around 3 weeks old which was very tough. Once that got fully sorted with a specialised formula everyone said she'd be much happier but that just didn't happen. She's almost 7m now and just constantly whines, all day, or cries. She's not ill, teething for that whole time, she's fed, well slept, entertained, but I just can't seem to make her happy. I'm constantly in fight or flight mode knowing she's going to kick off, I'm losing my absolute mind at the constant sound of her whining at me from 6am-6pm every day. She isn't interested in weaning, she won't play with anything for more than 2-3 mins before starting to whine, she started rolling when she was around 4m but has since regressed and won't really roll over unless in bed when she wants to sleep on her stomach. She has also started constant wrist twirling. She used to babble much more too with proper sounds, but now that has changed to constant whining with no real form. I'm going through trying to manage her high needs and at the same time starting to worry she may have additional needs I.e. Autism.

every day is just rubbish at the moment, I don't know what I'm looking for from this post, I think I'm just desperate.

The first thing that springs to mind is her milk. It sounds as though the allergies aren’t fully in control. Which milk is she on now @280826Amy?

But you’re right to be concerned, there is a little research coming out that food allergies can be linked to ASD.

For now i would just do this simple progress checker. If it says that she needs some support, they should send you some links to resources to help her. You could also ask your HV for a referral to Portage and fir a hearing test yp rule out Glue Ear

My baby had CMPA so I feel for you. Are you sure she's on the right milk? Fully hydrolized?

Also, I hired a nanny around 4 months, for 3 days a week as I was losing my mind. We have no family whatsoever or anyone who could help at all so i was losing my mind. I used my savings for it and it was the best thing I did, can you afford some help?

It will get better as she grows and starts crawling and then walking and this will seem like a distant memory.

Hey,
I’m reading your post thinking I could have written this at the time.
Please know you’re not alone, although it feels like it right now. I remember feeling so, SO lonely despite having plenty of friends with babies of a similar age. I genuinely couldn’t discuss life with them as they were able to get out and about and enjoy life whilst I had the most miserable baby who moaned at everything and didn’t enjoy anything apart from TV!

I ended up cutting out some of my best friends to protect my mental health as they seemed to be getting by so much easier and their babies were doing so much more, it just made me feel like I was on a different planet and a failure of a parent. They’d respond with 💕💐and say ‘it’ll get better’ and it just felt even worse feeling like no one was in the same sinking ship as me!
My baby was miserable from week 3. There were no dairy issues. She hated weaning, barely ate a thing 6-12 months and gave me anxiety about what would happen after that.
The day after she turned 7 months she just got even worse than ever and I still talk about it now and remember the exact date! From 7-10 months was horrendous. Constant misery. She hated baby groups, hated new places, hated anyone that wasn’t her parents (including all of our family), she hated pushchair walks, hated the car. She would not nap anywhere but our bed, no matter what.
I feel teary even typing how bad it was.
In hindsight, she did alot of teething in that time which she clearly didn’t cope well with. They go through some separation anxiety too and she’s just a high needs baby.
I was convinced she was autistic as she was slow to meet milestones (but did) and hated everyone and just seemed so far off what other babies were like. She crawled at 10.5 months and walked at 17.5 months. She barely babbled at all before 1.

Once she turned 1, life did get better slowly. She was more placid so we could take her out places ( as long we got home for nap times). We chose to not take her anywhere far.
Come 18 months, life really improved again. She was still slow with talking but our life quality was 100 x better. She loved going places alongside me to encourage and support her.
She is 2.5 now and again, SO much better. I talk about it every day still, how hard it was and how much better life is now. Despite being constantly miserable for the first year of her life, she shows zero signs of autism. She is meeting all her milestones.

She is a very introverted, shy little girl who needs to think things through before considering it. She’s very much the opposite of some gung ho toddlers and everything is a measured decision. One might say an over thinker! She’s also great fun, smiley, plays wonderfully with us, loves going out and about everywhere and I love taking her new places. She loves toddler groups, soft play etc.

With the food, she barely ate anything for 6-12 months. After 12 months, she also barely ate anything but JUST enough to live off. She’s not a big eater now but eats enough, I’ve learnt to let it go. She’s growing and on the 90th centile and always has been. Comparing her to other kids that I know that love food was just completely unhealthy for my mind and made me feel like a failing parent. I blamed myself, what I was feeding her, when I was feeding her but in hindsight none of it would have made any difference. Your job is to provide the food, it is their job to eat it.

Please drop me a message if you want someone to talk to that’s been through having a permanently miserable baby. I still feel alone when I talk about it now, as most people do not have the same experience!

My advice ;

1. Get her in a nursery/ childcare for a day or two a week.
2. Use the TV! Ms Rachel/ dancing fruit.
3. Try to not over worry about the weaning. It will happen when it happens. They need a lot less than you think.
4. Ignore everyone else’s babies and the milestones I was obsessed with them doing X and X months and it was not healthy or positive. Just be aware of what they should be doing but don’t fixate.

Use any offers of help you can to get yourself a break as from my experience, nothing I could do would make her any happier and therefore I have no advice for it. It’s just a tidal wave of shit that you’re swimming through right now but you will get to the other side and see happy days again. I promise you it will get better and you will look back and think WOW How did I get through that?!
and realise you’re pretty bloody great for doing so!

I could have literally wrote this myself. I have a 10 month old who sounds exactly the same. She can sit up unassisted and pivot really well but has no interested in being on her front to crawl, the only time she rolls on her front is to sleep. I feel like I’m in fight or flight constantly on edge worrying for a kick off. I try to get out every day which sort of helps. Although when we go to baby groups I feel like I’m the only one there with a whingy baby. All my friends babies are ‘so happy and chilled’.
I know this reply doesn’t help but my messages are open if you ever want to talk ♥️

My first was probably one of those happy smiling babies at playgroup. It woukd he the only time out of the day though and he barely ever slept. This is why you shouldn’t compare, I was just so, so exhausted.