6 yo DD’s dad is tight (although we both earn a very comfortable wage):
She’s got a single pair of school trainers and no school shoes at his, and he won’t buy her a new pair of casual shoes for the weekend, stating that she’s got 2 pairs at his (one are the cheapest Decathlon trainers he bought her about 2 years ago, and another is a pair of older trainers I bought 18 months ago and gave him 6 months ago or so when I bought a new pair (both are size 10 when she’s now size 11 going on 12). Note we were sharing school shoes but he decided he no longer wanted to think about handing stuff over between the two houses, so wanted to get school trainers himself.
He considered the question today and they went to Primark, where she picked a pair of trainers she liked for £15, to which he said he didn’t want to buy them because he wanted to check the others are definitely too small.
He has bought her some Lego and some board games, but continually criticises things she likes that are either too girly or just not to his taste, spoiling her joy with those toys.
I am dreading that her spending Christmas with him this year will make her sad, because 1) last year just as she and I were preparing to meet Santa, he told her Santa doesn’t exist 2) he’s never wanted to engage in family Christmas activities when we were still together because it’s ’not his thing’ 3) when DD’s best friend’s parents spoke to me recently to request that he be careful what he says to her leading to Christmas period because they didn’t want it spoilt for their daughter (of course after last year’s incident, the first thing she did was to tell her friend, which her parents and I then had to repair - thankfully they are pretty easy still at this age).
She really wanted to go to Legoland earlier this year, as thanks to him she really got into Lego, but again he refused saying it’s not his thing.
Unfortunately, I am not at all on the same page as he is, I really enjoy seeing DD’s joy when she gets things she really wants, and I do spoil her from time to time, so she is used to having plenty of stuff at mine.
She has been moving toys and clothes from mine to his, which neither her dad nor I are really happy about, but it’s difficult not to understand why, when we are so different and she wants to enjoy her things at both places.
I appreciate that kids these days have so much, and they don’t really need it, but I worry that the lesson she is learning from his behaviour is that she doesn’t deserve to be taken care of properly by men, that it is normal for them to keep their wallet tightly shut, and that she will need to pay for herself and the man she may decide to be in a relationship with.
Is anyone else in this situation? Any advice on how to handle this?