3 year old - noisy in night, but asleep/not fully awake?

[whyyy321]

Bit of an odd one, wondering if anyone else has this/any tips.

DS (3y 2m) has phases of "waking" in the night and making a loud repetitive groaning sound, which wakes us up. If you go in to him he's usually not truly awake I think? If you offer water he'll usually refuse it and groan louder. If you ask him what he needs/if something is wrong/if something hurts he won't reply and just continues with the sound.

It's driving us a bit potty, especially as we have a newborn also now (though this "behaviour" has predated her/my pregnancy with her so I don't think related?)

I usually leave him to it but it can escalate to being awake and then he's upset so I have to go in and sort him anyway, after laying awake and listening for ages already. DH usually goes in quicker and tries water and takes him to the toilet (he wears nappies at night still), but this upsets ds (I assume because he wasn't truly awake so was "woken" by DH) who then cries (but drops off quickly again). Sometimes this will happen several times in a night. DH has been getting a bit cross lately -not with being woken but by ds not answering when he tries to help him, which is no good for anyone (I am bf so not doing toddler wakes at the moment, so is on DH and can see why he's frustrated given he's also doing a bottle for baby before bed so I can get a chunk of sleep).

Any ideas? If you ask ds in daytime he's not really got a clue what we are on about. He does have form for not answering us during the day also which is why it's pushing DH buttons so much. It comes and goes, been for a week now this time and everyone is getting tetchy!

My child at 4 has a habit of periodically pushing his feet against things, feeling about with his arms, trying to touch / grab things nearby (usually me!) and making sucking noises. He has no idea he’s doing it, but is exhausted all the time so I mentioned it to the doctor thinking he’s having poor quality sleep. Apparently it’s a form of parasomnia which can present as a range of things such as sleep walking, sleep talking, said they are definitely asleep and don’t have any awareness. It’s very tiring, wakes me up several times every night. Unsure if it’s the same but it might be a starting point.

White noise or a yoto/tonies turned on low so it drowns him out and offers comfort?

He could be in that in-between of REM where sleep paralysis can occur, so he thinks he's dreaming and talking in his dream but it's coming out as noises - as usually during REM/dream sleep your body is still but your mind is awake. The fact he does wake up after the groaning makes me.think that, or just his body hears him making the noise and wakes up.

Perhaps you could work on strategies for him putting.himself back to sleep eg he can turn his yoto on himself or have a clock he looks at to see it's still night and to go back to sleep

I wouldn't jump straight to he's ignoring you, DH is obviously irritated with lack of sleep but it sounds like more of a sleep issue. They do go through phases of night terrors and weird sleep stuff

Does he have a blocked nose or could you try to see if it's a breathing thing? Mouth breathing? Look up catathrenia

it doesn’t sound to me like he is actually awake though. I don’t think you need to be doing anything with him. My DC had night terrors around that age which were absolutely awful to watch. For the first few we rushed in and woke them as we had no idea what was going on but we eventually came to realise it settled much quicker if we just left them asleep to ride it out. They had no idea in the morning what was happening. Just go in a watch him if your concerned but I don’t see the point in waking him. It’s just getting you all frustrated.

Interesting! My preference would be to leave him, I'll talk to DH about it. I think he goes in partly for worry that DS will wake me, when I'm trying to get some sleep before night feeds. But I have white noise on in our room (DH currently relegated to spare room) so don't always hear him anyway.

He's getting a yoto for Christmas so that might help too. DH asked him last night about the noise and ds said he's "too tired to shout daddy" which makes me think he is asleep. He was a terrible sleeper as a baby and would wake crying between cycles (every hour for a long time!) so maybe he's just a noisy self soother? He makes a similar noise when trying to show upset in the day but isn't crying level upset if you see what I mean.

Think we are all a little traumatized by his babyhood sleep so it's a bit emotive for us!

This sounds like a type of partial waking or night terror, which is common at this age. Overtiredness can make these episodes worse, so a steady bedtime routine may help. These phases often come and go on their own. If it gets frequent or you’re worried, it’s worth mentioning to your doctor for reassurance.

I would mention it to the doctor in case they think it's something to investigate, it can't hurt? If they say it's normal and just to wait for him to grow out of it then you have an answer for DH I suppose.