Do you think I am being unfair to my husband?

[Wafflesnaffler]

I have an 11 week old, and I aleady know that I am very lucky to have a supportive DH, but am wondering now if I am actually taking the piss?! Please tell me what you think of how things are in our house - are they unbalanced in my favour the way they are?:

• I look after baby through night (breastfeeding and nappies). She goes to sleep at 6 with feed, wakes up at 6 with feed and wakes up for food about 3 times in night from 10pm to 4am.

• From 6am (when baby wakes up properly) to 10am DH looks after baby while I get some sleep til 9am then get ready, have brekkie, do some washing/empty bins...little jobs.

• I look after baby all day weekdays while DH works from home.

• DH prepares dinner (he makes a big batch some weekends and freezes meals to heat up) and often makes me lunch too.

• About 5.00 DH comes to help and then he bathes her while I get her bedclothes/room ready for sleep.

• From 7pm-9pm I have a shower/relax then go to bed about 9pm (or 7pm if exhausted), DH stays up til about 11pm.

I do any housework/washing etc. DH does food shopping. At weekends the idea is we both do 50/50 with the baby.

DH gets out by doing a martial arts class two evenings a week (and a few times if anything else has come up such as a boys camping weekend/trips away to visit parents etc). I get out with baby - taking her for walks, to my mum's, seeing friends etc. So far have been out on my own without her for an hour. On a weekend I have 2 hours specially to wash hair etc. But every day I make time to do my makeup and usually hair, wear something nice.

Do you think he's doing too much? Do you think the morning 'lie-ins' I have are taking the piss because he wants them to stop and I think he might be right.

Thanks for ploughing through the tedious details of my daily life

I don't think it sounds as if you're taking the piss. You obviously have a routine that works pretty well. The main thing that strikes me (and other people here) is that you are very lucky to have a DH who a) works from home and b) is willing to fit that work around you.
It might be sensible to start cutting out the lie in, as it sounds as though this is the key issue for your DH. Even with night feeds, if you are lucky enough to get to bed between 7 and 9 pm, you should be able to cope with getting up and having breakfast with your DH and DC. Also, if you plan to have more kids at some point,(or if DH work changes and he isnt at home, or if you go back to work) then I think you'll find it quite tough having had such an easy time!

His reasoning for stopping the extra sleeping is so he can start work earlier. Because he can't work with the baby sleeping on him! He says it's ok for now but he needs the extra time soon. Which is absolutely fair enough....I was just feeling guilty about all the time I've had already to this point. Like I said hopefully the rocker will sort this out completely!

I think the 8am start is defintely the way to go to start with, and then I can reduce it from there.

It's nice to know that it sounds like I'm lucky but not WHOLLY unreasonable!

Thats a bit different then! Perhaps the rocker may work - fingers crossed for you.

I just know I used to catch up on sleep if needed when my dd had her morning nap (she would only ever sleep in her room with the curtains pulled (they all have their parculiars!)never in the pram in the hall.

Sounds like you've sorted the problem then Waffle! Believe me, when you are two or three kids down the line, neither of you will remember what a lie in is!!!

If he's that desperate to start work an hour earlier then you coulod get up an hour earlier but you could also tell him to do an hour in the evening seeing as he's a night owl anyway! If you are up during the night then he needs to support you during the day...you will be no use to him or your DC if you are walking dead...make sure you are ready to reduce your sleep time!!!

Good luck

Hi, after reading the op I think it sounds like very well balanced parenting; and while I can understand the need for your dh to maximise his working hours, I should imagine you are really in need of those lie-ins after being up half the night feeding the baby!!

It is an exhausting time in your life, and it is not at all unreasonable for you to want to catch up on sleep. Having said that - if logistically it is becoming a problem and your dh needs the extra time to work, then could you maybe fit in extra naps whilst baby is asleep?

Thanks everyone that's been really really helpful. I'm going to reduce the lie-in time and then when she sleeps through stop them altogether of course!

You could always invite him for a lie in with you every now and again, all happy!!

Your sleep is disturbed through the night so you need that time in the morning. if DH is complaining, could you make it 9am instead of 10? Compromise?

F&Z talks a lot of sense. It is exhausting. Yes you are lucky to have a supportive DH, but he is lucky that your DD has such a caring mother to be bfing her all night.

My DH is very generous with lie ins as I am vile with lack of sleep! But if your husband is feeling a bit put upon it might be worth compromising a little, which it sounds like you are doing. But don't underestimate how exhausting it is looking after a baby.