Tips for helping my toddler bathe

[endcityspawner]

So a couple of months ago we moved house and now we only have a wet room. Our old house had a bath and you couldn’t get my daughter out of it, she loved it. Never fussed with water poured over her head etc and genuinely enjoyed bathtime.

Since we’ve moved house she’s absolutely petrified and I mean full blown meltdown hyperventilating. We’ve tried her with a shower which she doesn’t tolerate so instead bought an inflatable bath which she also hates. I’ve even taken her to my mums house for baths and she’s even sobs in the normal bath there which is weird because until the house move she loved it.

She’s a couple months off 2 and has essentially barely any verbal communication so it’s hard to convey messages to her at times however we are learning Makaton. She has tonnes of bath toys, we even bought her a Bluey sponge and we try and make it as fun as possible. Issue is when you put her in she just stands up, reaching up for us and sobbing to the point she can’t catch her breath. She doesn’t even let her hands go in the water which is a nightmare because she’s a typical toddler who gets dirty and needs a soak. I’ve took the approach to get her hair, face and body washed as quick as possible but just wondering if there’s any other techniques I could use?

I don’t want it to be a traumatic experience because it’s heartbreaking seeing but ultimately she needs to be washed. She’s the same with her teeth being brushed but has always been that way. Wondering if anyone else has been in the same position and things have got better or if anything has helped. Please be kind if I’m missing something obvious to try or being stupid - thanks from a stressed first time mum 🥲

Moving house is a massive thing for little ones and if she is a sensitive sort it will take her a while to adjust. I would back off a bit and make do with a thorough flannel wash most of the time. Do you think she would be better if you got in the inflatable bath or shower with her? Could you try taking her to a swimming pool and see how she does in the showers there. Would she be able to sit in the kitchen sink?

She probably has something in her head like the bath has disappeared and is worried that she will disappear if she goes in it the shower but without her being able to explain you will probably never know.

Have you tried one of those Stokke toddler baths, I guess it’s similar to an inflatable bath.

I would not mention the bath for a while and just keep with flannel washes to take some of the pressure off. Could you have a shower and see if she wants to join, or just sit and watch a few times then she might get involved

Small paddling pool? I've used a bubble machine, glow sticks, watering cans, music playing, a plastic step to sit on, crayons to colour on tiles, hiding toys in bath slime, shower confetti was also a great distraction!( one of mine hates showering like scream the house down)

Is the inflatable bath tall enough? We bath our toddler in a really high laundry basket (it's big and wide and, importantly, as tall as a normal bath, if not taller actually, it looks like one of those barrels of whiskey 😅). He loves it. The height is important as he likes standing but also holding on to the sides to pull himself up. So maybe try something like this.

Thank you so much for the suggestions. My partner got in the shower with her after I made this post but she wasn’t anymore inclined, he even stood there playing with the bath toys to entice her 😆 I will try perhaps as maybe it’ll be different for mum. We went to Haven last month and she screamed the swimming showers down 🥲 I’m far too big for the inflatable bath so maybe I need to try something bigger as suggested.

She is a sensitive girl and struggles with transitions a lot even socially. She sees a play worker weekly to support her (currently who were learning Makaton with) so I may mention it to see if they have any tricks.

Paddling pool is a shout as she tolerated them over summer. I will also try with the suggested toys and tips. Definitely will look at getting a taller one as it’s not big at all, only from Amazon. She’s a dinky dot for her age so fits fine but she can’t stand up and hold the sides like someone mentioned so that’s worth a go.

Will try flannel washes also I just hate when her nails arent clean which a good soak always fixed after getting mucky so perhaps a nail brush is being added to my Amazon too 😆

Thank you guys for being so lovely!

You could get a washing up bowl with water and bubbles and some toys or get her to "help" do some washing up to get her nails clean.

If sh can understand you, try making a joke for a few days about how funny it would be to wash her in the kitchen sink. Then actually do it. Whack some bubble bath in and give her a few safe kitchen things to wash up in it. For three months my son would only bath in the kitchen sink. Then he decided he needed more room and went back to the normal bath one day like nothing had happened.

Also, it might sound odd, but have you tried verbalising for her how she might think? E.g. "you used to love the old bath didn't you? It was really nice wasn't it? It was a nice colour and really big. You liked playing X and Y in it. I wonder if you're missing the bath? It must feel strange having to wash differently now. You don't like this new inflatable bath do you? I can see it's making you really sad/cross/ frustrated. It feels different doesn't it?".

And try offering some simple choices to see if you can figure out ways to make it better for her. E.g. show her pictures of the big Stokke one and a big tub trug in different colours. See if she can let you know which see prefers. Offer choices around lighting in case it is a sensory issue with the new bathroom. Battery tealights? Calming music? Different scents? If it is more echoey can you add more soft furnishings.

Not being able to communicate what they are thinking can be incredibly frustrating, and it seems like maybe she's desperately trying to tell you that she misses her old bath and doesn't like this one.

Someone said similar to me when one of mine was little and I was dubious. But at 6 he'll now suddenly bring up something from when he was tiny that I had forgotten about but clearly was a big deal from his perspective. Like the other day he told me he hated the buggy because the foot muff made his toes too hot and he didn't like feeling trapped by it.

We tried a washing up bowl with soapy water in the living room tonight, pretended to ‘wash her toys’ even involved her teacups and kettle in the process which she loves. She wanted the toys from a distance and we put no pressure on her to come closer just let her come over in her own time (she’s like that socially and needs space & time). When she came over and realised what was in the bowl she freaked out 🥲

Unfortunately she wouldn’t understand if I was to make a joke but I will try verbalising it. She has an expressive speech delay so understands a lot of key words we use but can’t verbalise herself. Last observation we had HV literally noted her down as “particularly strong willed” so we’re used to 48362 tantrums a day but this water issue is nothing like a tantrum just fear :(

Toddlers are complicated beings I have a lot to learn apparently whew 😅 Thank you guys for helping, the support means a lot to me!

Try again but with no water in the bowl. Then wash the dolls with a wet flannel then slowly increase the water. Until she is happy with a bowl of water. Might take a while but it will work. If she panics go back a step.

Yes my DC went through this- was a bit younger but didn't matter what I tried, nothing helped. Absolutely screamed the place down as though it was the most traumatic experience ever- it was really really stressful. I'm afraid I have no real advice other than to keep up with the flannel washes (easier said than done I know) and keep trying the bath from to time. Nothing worked with my DC- just randomly one day decided that the bath was ok again! And now mostly loves it.

Have you tried showering with her, maybe even holding her? Being shoved in and you staying dry is a bit weird. We only have a shower so the baby is used to coming in with us. Sometimes he has a cuddle and a wash, sometimes he crawls around the bottom with his ducks and we wash him if we can catch him!