What am I doing so wrong?

[Wingingitmama92]

I have a 4 year old son. His dad broke up with me and left when he was only 6 months old. He still very involved and a great dad.
But the problem is my son always wants to be with his dad. He is the “fun parent” as he only has him 1/2 nights a week and I have all the other life responsibilities so can’t play with him all the time.
it hurts so much when he cries for his dad. Sometimes when his dad drops him off or I pick him up he just wants to stay with his dad.
I don’t know what I’ve done so wrong 😢
i feel like I’ve done most of it on my own and I’m still not good enough.
I feel like I’m failing as a parent.
I’m so scared he’s going to choose to live with his dad when he’s older…
has anyone else experienced this?

You’ve done nothing wrong my dear. It’s the ‘Disney Dad’ syndrome. Daddy gets all the fun stuff and you are the ‘bad cop’.

There are also stages children go through where one parent is more ‘popular’ than the other. It’s all normal. Please please don’t take it personally or think you are ‘failing’ because you are not.

As the saying goes ‘this too shall pass’.

The term Disney dad comes to mind.

When does he have him? Make sure it's not mostly weekends, you deserve downtime with him.

Otherwise grin and bear it, 20 years from now he will appreciate it. It's normal for kids to have a preference and normal to long for time with the absent parent.

You’re safe and he can cry and complain trusting you will never leave him. With his dad he doesn’t have the same trust

My ds can be like this. DH and I are still together, but very honestly he just gels with his dad; they are similar and they get on very well. It can be hard but I remember how much I do for him and how lost he’d be without me

Yes, I agree that it’s Disney Dad syndrome. He’s got the time and energy to just ‘have fun’. It wouldn’t be like that if he had your DS all the time.

It’s a horrible feeling and so tough because you do all the main work and then have to console your child when they’re crying for their part time dad. It’s hard to make extra time to play when you’ve got all these things that need doing. But in my experience, the cries for dad did settle a lot more when I worked on building my connection stronger with my child. 5/10 mins every morning after waking and 5/10 mins every night before bed just solely focused on extra cuddles and silly play time. It starts/ends each day with connection. I put off tasks that can wait so I can have more time to play with my child where possible. Get on their level where possible. Be silly. Make each other laugh. Talk more. The stronger your connection, the more he will see you as the fun parent too. There will always be moments where he will cry for dad, that’s normal. But it does reduce when he can have more moments of being silly with you.