Three year old relentlessly pinches and squeezes

[Ellebel]

I have a three year old son who is suffering from some sort of sensory issue where he constantly seems to feel the urge to pinch or squeeze something as hard as possible. Mostly me, dad, his baby brother on the hands or face but sometimes nursery peers. It goes through phases of being a few times a day to almost continuously all day, he’s clenching his jaw and squeezing relentlessly bursting with pent up energy. It doesn’t feel like an aggressive thing- just an uncomfortable urge he’s trying to feed. Things I have tried so far that haven’t led to much change-
Squeezy balls dotted throughout house
Daily trips to playground to spin or swing, swimming lessons, lots of running around (on weekends, during the week he’s at nursery) and quiet time when I think he’s really overwhelmed- we do yoga stretching and breathing or read a book. Which can calm him for a bit.
He does also have a violent streak- so sometimes the squeezing etc does feel more calculated, and can also hit, kick and throw things (predominantly at his 9 month old brother). With this I reiterate kind hands, fuss over his brother, separate them, and let him know it is not ok and I am not happy. He does sometimes show remorse, but soon does it again.
If anyone has any advise on either of these I would be very grateful. I’m new to all this so I’m sorry if I’m getting it all wrong. I’m finding it quite overwhelming and hard to manage. Will things just eventually improve with age? Aside from the squeezing and violence, he’s a lovely boy. Incredibly articulate, funny, popular, affectionate. It’s like night and day.
Many thanks for any help.

Does he like being squeezed? My DS is autistic and loves squeezing me / being squeezed. When he is getting upset or angry I just give him a huge bear hug and I can feel all the tension melt away

I cannot think of the name of it now ( I'll come back when I do ) but there is a weird thing that kids can squeeze and loads of them love it. I also got my DS some sen chew toys to help with the teeth clenching.

It sounds like he is potentially ND, are you on a pathway for diagnoses? If not I would speak to nursery about this and start the ball rolling.

Will it get better with age? Almost certainly yes. But it may be a long road.

To tackle the squeezing I would get him a stress relief type ball on a keychain and attach it to his trousers via his belt loops so it is with him all the time. When he pinches a person I would tell him very firmly, "No, we don't pinch people". I would then put the ball in his hand and reiterate "when you need to pinch/squeeze you use your ball". Repeat endlessly until he gets it. I would encourage other sensory play of this kind, things like clay, playdoh, sand and water play using sponges and flannels that he can squeeze.

Protect your younger son. Don't leave them alone. Use a playpen or similar to keep distance between them.

@Monmkeymamkymonky @NuffSaidSam thank you so much for your responses. Both really helpful. Good point he loves big squeezy cuddles so will make an effort to do more of them and I’ve ordered stress ball key chains. Great idea to have them on hand whenever he needs.

I think you need to get a full assessment by a sensory occupational therapist. It’s possible that what you think is calming the situation isn’t what he needs long term but either way, the OT will be able to teach you proper strategies to help.