19 month old- messy meal time

[Hannahlou1994]

Hi everyone! Looking for some advice about meal times - every meal is a mess. My little girl is 19 months and throws her food, feeds the dog, smears her food into the table and on her clothes, basically anything other than eating. Even when she does eat, she shovels so much in she cant actually chew it and ends up spitting it out. She was such a good eater from 6 months but has lately started eating a lot less than she did. There was always a mess from day one which I expected but I had assumed that the mess would get less over time but it seems like it's getting worse. I have 2 concerns- I'm not sure how to correct the behaviour and if this is normal for her age? And two, I'm worried she's not eating enough as this happens every meal time and the only way I can get her to eat is if I distract her enough to feed her myself. I always tell her no and tell her what we should do with food, I've tried playing games at meal times to 'copy what mummy eats', I've tried taking the food away but this just gives me too much guilt. Looking for any advice or to share your own experiences of similar behaviours so I know what's normal

Are you eating meals together as a family? They learn more from copying us than listening to us at this stage.

I dont know what is normal but i would have expected the throwing to have stopped by now. Can you shut the dog away during mealtimes for a week to break the habit of that game?

Can you limit what you are putting on her plate to a couple of mouthfuls/spoonfuls at a time so she cant take too much?

How are you responding when she does stuff you dont want her to do?

Yeah we eat at the dining table every mealtime together. She was in a high chair until about a month ago when we moved her to a booster seat so she can actually be at the table with us.

We have talked about shutting the dog out. I suppose this is a guilt thing again why we haven't but I think you're right, it's maybe time to try doing this.

I thought the same. When she was 6 months I expected the mess and food throwing, but we are well over a year into eating solids, and if anything the mess is getting worse and I don't know what to do. It's literally like she is playing with her food every mealtime.

We've tried smaller spoons and just giving her bits at a time but we find she cries and has a tantrum if she doesn't have her plate and just asks for 'more' even before she has eaten what we give her.

Usually we respond with a firm no, we don't play with our food and then I ask her what we do with food and she says eat, and will eat one mouthful and then go back to throwing it... so that shows me she knows what to do. Sometimes if it's getting out of hand we take the plate away, but then I feel guilty as I don't want her not to eat so often give it her back after a couple of minutes when she seems less hyper.

I just can't shake the feeling that I've done something wrong to enable and accept the behaviour and I don't know how to correct it as I'm not sure where we are going wrong. Thank you so much for your thoughts and ideas

Do you give her lots of positive encouragement and praise when she's eating nicely? Is there something you can reward her with immediately after she's finished eating, to try and get her to eat sensibly?

Sounds like you're doing all the right things though! Hopefully it's a phase and she'll settle down soon enough.

If I really think about it, the only time I praise her is if she has been throwing food and then decides to eat properly I will then make a fuss of her and say well done and tell her what she has done well- but I probably don't praise or acknowledge if she has done it right without throwing food, so that's given me something to think about and be more aware of and I'll try more praise before the behaviour starts. Thank you for your suggestion. I really hope it's a phase and something she grows out of soon, as I just feel a bit hopeless when it comes to meals, I find myself dreading them, especially if we go out to eat or eat at someone else's house as it can be such a mess and I'm so embarrassed around others as I feel the judgement that she's making a mess of someone elses house.