Abusive to force toddler into buggy?

[Questioning01]

My toddler hates being put in his buggy- nothing works, treats, nothing... he is really strong and arches his back and I have to physically force him by pushing his tummy down to get his mum in... it feels awful and I notice I'm getting angry when I do it .... is that normal or should I be worried? Could it harm him mentally??

It isn't nice but it's necessary.

Don't understand the terror from parents of actually discipline their children.

How are children supposed to learn. They learn by seeing their behaviour is objectionable to their caregiver. They learn that mommy is cross with their behaviour and not allowing them to continue as they are.

If you don't behave like that with them and just have a smiley face and a sing song voice, they learn that anything in terms of behaviour goes.

Children need to learn what behaviour is acceptable and what is not.And parents are the only ones to teach them at. It isn't anyone else's job.

I wouldn’t push him down - but when my son arched his back I would grab the front of the pram between his legs where the belt casp was to make sure it was accessible when I could use it (without grabbing him), lock my arm straight and eventually he would tire and I would put the straps on then.

I've forced my DD into her buggy a few times, but as she's got older I've just let her walk when she wants. She usually decides she'd rather get in the buggy after her legs get tired!

We didn’t use a buggy from the 2nd birthday of both our children. We had a scooter and just pushed them on that or scooted on their own or they just walked.

i used to have reins on my eldest so she’d scoot and I’d run alongside her. I must have been quite a sight at 9months pregnant running alongside her!

I remember "Mummy please don't hurt me" yelled out at the top of his lungs as I was trying to "ease" him into the buggy. We got a lot of stares and I nearly abandoned him. I am very sympathetic when I see back archers now.

(Note, I didn't ever hurt him)

Needs must and sometimes it's necessary for safety.

It might be worth proactively trying to make a plan, though, if it's happening frequently or every single time.

It’s not wrong to keep your dc safe, it’s also best to be consistent

You don't need to push. It's put in and grab the in-between legs strap. They can't slide out then. Clip each side in and then put arms in / adjust on shoulders.

Saves a lot of faff

I'd suggest a single chocolate button once he is in the buggy and strapped in!

Oh god I remember having to physically wrestle one of mine into the car seat on numerous occasions.

I can also sympathise a lot with the anger - I was driven tears of frustration sometimes with them (time pressured around nursery drop offs and work etc).

I honestly found it hard at times not to let my frustration spill over into how I was physically handling them - when I was feeling that way I did sometimes have to take a moment and mentally regroup.

I think it’s normal, these kids really know how to wind us up. I find it helpful to think of the ridiculousness of whatever the situation is (for you, let’s say you think of how mad it is that an intelligent adult woman is trying to negotiate with a tiny dictator over getting into a buggy ie. A padded seat where the child will be wheeled around like a king). It is silly isn’t it really, I find thinking it it like this makes me smile and defuses the frustration

Ideally you wouldn't get angry, and agree with the posts upthread about trying tickling.

However, when it comes down to it, toddlers don't have the knowledge to keep themselves safe. They often match this with very strong preferences about what they do and don't like. There sometimes arise times when they have to be physically forced into things. It is what it is.

Sometimes needs must. When it’s your youngest doing this but you’re on the school run for the older ones and you’ve already tried- snack bribery, the scooter, building in enough time for them to walk and it’s all no, no, no, no, no then sometimes you just need to crack on and forcing them into the buggy is the only way. My youngest is now 4, was forced many a time and I’m totally certain he doesn’t remember it and definitely wasn’t damaged by it. Just don’t get angry about it. Toddlers be toddlers. Do what you need to do but do it calmly.

Wants to walk? Reins. Not the fashion these days, but lets an active toddler run 'free' safely. And you get to where you want to go without having to carry an abandoned bike/scooter and active toddlers can be quite fast. Ignore other peoples' view on them and give your child what they need.

Option B give the toddler the A/B option. 'You can sit in the buggy and I will push you, or you can push the buggy - which do you want to do' and go with it. As said above, there's a high chance that pushing it gets tiring/boring pretty quickly, especially if snacks can be eaten while sitting like royalty in a buggy being pushed (why do we forget these luxuries we once had!)

Alternative is to get a buggy board on back of buggy so child can stand on it whilst you push them.

Have you ever tried to get a child who refuses to wear reins to walk using reins?

It isn’t because they have gone out of fashion, it’s because of getting a non compliant toddler into a pushchair is hard, getting a resistant one to walk wearing reins is IMPOSSIBLE!

I had one of these toddlers! I gave up. He never went in his buggy after the age of about 18 months. He had one of the push along trike things which he loved so I used that instead. Or if it was a shorter walk/I wasn't in a rush I put him on reins and let him walk. Funnily enough, he now moans about walking and wants to be carried after about 10 minutes so I've had to get a buggy board now his baby sister is in the buggy.

Bribery all the way, a fun snack tray and a favourite snack did it, plus a toy phone that DS loved, trick was he ONLY got to play with it when in the buggy so it became his routine, sit in buggy nicely, get given toy phone and get the best snacks. Worked a treat, plus DS learnt all his numbers early. Win win.

I've used this approach whenever I want them to do something - working out how do I make it so it's in their interest to comply.

Worked for everything except teeth brushing, he was too young to negotiate with on that one, and nothing worked, so we had resort to gently pinning down and brushing each time he opened his mouth to wail, did this a couple of times till he got the idea. Can't win them all and he's a perfectly happy 14 year old now.

Haha thankyou everyone you've made me feel so much better ☺️ I took him out again in the buggy this afternoon- we had the same wrestle (didn't care for the bribe) but atleast I managed to stay calm - I can't wait for these buggy days to be over ... I would get him one of those bike buggies but I'm pretty sure he's climb out 😮

I physically force my toddler to do things all this time BUT i don't get angry at all. It's a lot of - you can either get yourself into the buggy or i will put you in on the count of 5 - over time it has worked and i don't have to force my toddler very often, i just start counting. No anger, consistency that if they don't do what you've asked you will "make them" and some sort of warning system to give them time to decide to do what you want seems to work for us. I think a lot of baby/toddler limits are "physical" unfortunately as they don't understand other consequences - with both of mine at 10 months i trained them not to play with the kitchen bin by saying "no" calmly and then picking them up and moving them away every time. Eventually they got the hint.

I regularly am guilty of this. Safety is your priority and I'm sure your doing a good job

Thankyou @CeeR7!! ☺️

Is the buggy a lie flat one rather than a bucket seat type one? If so I always found it easier to put a resistant child in it in it's lie flat position the sit them up when they are ready to co-operate.

My 3 year old was wild for this. The thread give me flashbacks of a holiday in Florida and I took her somewhere in Disney world when my husband and older children were on a ride. She wouldn’t get in the buggy when it was time to meet them and screamed the place down while everyone stared at me. I ended up carrying her across Disney world under one arm, pushing the buggy with the other and her screaming like I’d kidnapped her. The crowds literally spread as I walked through and I’m sure everyone was judging me. I’m still not over it 🤣 anyway she now is a mostly amicable 3 year old but she still will flat out refuse to do something she doesn’t want to and has incredible willpower. The screaming has passed now at least 🤣