Abusive to force toddler into buggy?

[Questioning01]

My toddler hates being put in his buggy- nothing works, treats, nothing... he is really strong and arches his back and I have to physically force him by pushing his tummy down to get his mum in... it feels awful and I notice I'm getting angry when I do it .... is that normal or should I be worried? Could it harm him mentally??

Well it's not ideal, and you getting angry isn't great. And yes, obviously if you push him hard it will hurt.
Sometimes you try and give them choices and countdowns and it doesn't work and you need to move them to keep them safe or simply go home. We've all been there. But if it's happening all the time then I think you need to look at other options. Is the buggy comfortable? Can he use a balance bike instead? My two year old uses his balance bike everywhere we go, I have a dog collar and lead on it for the roads and then unclip the lead in the park.

I had to do this with one of mine, OP (into the car seat rather than the buggy, but had the same back-arching toddler!). My child is 12 now and very close to me so I don't think it did any long-lasting damage, but it did feel "wrong" when I was doing it, but I didn't feel I had any choice.

Seeing mummy angry probably isn't nice for him, but I don't think he'll be mentally scarred if he's forced in a buggy. What's the alternative? Never going out? Making him walk and carry him? What happens when he wants to stop walking when on a zebra crossing? You've just got to deal with it get him in the buggy even if he doesn't like it and remember it's a phase

It’s not “wrong” to keep a child safe. You would never go out in a car if a toddler objects to the car seat. Is that ok for you? No, they won’t remember being made to sit in the buggy. Presumably they are not capable of walking the distance you need so how much time are you going to devote to alternative methods of getting from A to B. Sometimes dc need to do what parents want. Or life grinds to a halt. Most of us don’t have time for this.

It’s not great to be angry but no I don’t think forcing a toddler into a pushchair is damaging.

Don’t worry i once had to pin my 4 year old down so he could get his ears suctioned as he had such bad wax it was severely impacting his hearing. He was screaming and smacking me in the face but sometimes there is no other option and you have to do what you need to.

Yes. They get over it. Safety and health come first.

I had one of these toddlers. My mum solved by making him laugh, then he couldn’t stay arched, and we could get him quickly strapped in.

I don't think it will mentally harm him but it's worth considering other options. Could he scoot?

Oh OP I feel your pain. My now 6yo was a nightmare for this. So bloody determined and hated being strapped into anything. I once spent 2+ hours stuck in a carpark trying to get her into a car seat as she screamed the place down. It was AWFUL.

Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do, a toddler doesn't have a rational mind, it's our job.

Although I would recommend taking a moment to get yourself settled and keep it firm but calm rather than angry. (Easier said than done 😅)

My 6yo and I have a wonderful relationship all the same. She is still stubborn as hell, but she can at least understand logic and will come round now. Having to sometimes force her into carseats as a toddler has not damaged her psychologically in anyway.

I often have this with going in the car seat, it’s improved slightly since getting a mini Yoto player - she likes listening to music so it’s a good bribe.

It isn’t exactly abusive but I do think some people underestimate the force you have to use to get a non compliant toddler into a pushchair or car seat; it’s one of the reasons I detest the ‘just strap them into the buggy’ type posts on here.

Oh come on, of course it's not abusive!

My youngest son was a back-archer and I did this a few times. It normally happened when he was tired and as soon as he was strapped in, he'd fall asleep.

He is 19 now and a very well rounded, lovely young man.

Have you tried tickling? IMO there's a solid evolutionary reason for kids being ticklish!

Obviously you can make a joke out of it. "Heeeere's the tickle monster coming to get you! Tickle Tickle!" (Child collapses into hysterics, rendering themselves momentarily limp). "Oh look, you seem to be magically buckled in. Let's go!"

This can work great, I got my eldest out of tantrums a few times this way.

Although I tried this once with my stubborn youngest. Apparently she is the exception to the rule and just screamed and fought louder 🤣

I had this when ds was between 16 and 20 months. I found it hard as he was so small. I wish I'd known about the tickling because it really does work!

I bribed him to be honest with very small amounts of toddler treats like crispy toddlers. Eventually he stopped fighting it and I stopped bribing him and now he just gets in 99 times out of 100. It gets easier to reason with them and give them options.

I had to pin one of mine down to have blood taken. I think it was more damaging to me long term than it was to him!

OP you're the parent and it's your job to keep DC safe, sometimes you've got to make them do stuff because they don't understand it's to keep them safe.

Agree with @crackofdoom tickling can work really well for back-arching.

Definitely try an alternative. Scooter, possibly with seat, balance bike, those light things that look like a cross between a bike and a pram, reigns, buggy board

This. Your toddler won’t remember.

Thankyou so much everyone for your replies.. I've been feeling so bad about it.. he can scoot but also likes to go where he wants to go so I'm not sure we can scoot safely unless in the park...I have a question about the anger..
it it abnormal to get angry in that kind of situation with a toddler? I don't get angry with him often and I've had to wrestle him into the buggies many times and have stayed calm abut if it's been a particularly tricky morning with him then I have a lower patience threshold... idk just worried it means I have some kind of anger issue...????

I've got a Scooter which has a handle and a seat. It's brilliant.

All it means is that you're human.

It does kids good to know where the boundaries are, too. Sometimes you have time and opportunity to do things the kids' way, and other times they have to do what they're told whether they like it or not. Coping with "you don't have to like it, you just have to do it" is a life skill that everyone has to learn, and it's better to learn it as early as possible.

I remember when my eldest really arched and would not go in her pushchair and I had a new baby in a sling. And I really did give her a bit of a push into the chair - she was fine. I cried. We all got home safely... If we had been in a park or safe space I would have waited for her to calm down but we were by a road.
Safty comes first.

Thankyou so much everyone!! I'm so so grateful for all of your replies!! And suggestion!! I'm going to look for alternatives for the buggie and next time if it happens again I'll make sure I take a breather (and use more enticing treats 😅). Xxx

I get angry a lot. It’s not great or ideal but it’s primarily because DC2 still wakes up 10+ times a night and i’m constantly exhausted.

Oh also we sometimes end up having screaming matches when I have to comb nits out of their hair. Gotta do what we gotta do.

Also time your snacks for when he gets back in the buggy, not when he's happily playing in the park.
Regarding being angry, prep for it. It seems stupid, but when you are about to put him in the buggy and know it could be a battle, rehearse what you are going to do and how you are going to handle it. E.g. I'll give a countdown to snacks in the buggy. I will give him the choice to be lifted in or climb in. Then if he doesn't want to I'll say mummy will help you choose and lift him in. Then I'll give him a snack to hold. If he resists I'll pause (holding him in but not attempting straps) until the anger has passed and I can tickle/bend him gently and not roughly.