Was I right to pick her up?

[GreenNinj]

Where I live, the kids have this afternoon off school. Most walk home at lunchtime, but we live a little further out so my DC get the bus. The bus only stops twice and only one boy lives at the stop before ours. He’s in the year above DD, she is 6. Today he had a birthday party, so there were about 6 other kids on the bus, going to his for lunch and a party. This included 3 from DD‘s class (there are 8 children in her class).

DD thought she was invited, and went to his house. His mum called me to come and pick her up. DD was absolutely distraught when I got there. The boy‘s mum said DD could stay if she wanted, but DD was so upset I just wanted to take her home.

Do you think this was the right thing to do?

Well, you’re missing the main detail here, which is why your daughter was completely distraught and you needed to pick her up early?! On the surface of it no you are not being unreasonable to pick your daughter up early from a party when she’s very upset and the parents are asking you to come and get her. Not sure why you would think otherwise, unless there are some missing details.

How on earth has a 6 year old been allowed to get off the bus without a prior arrangement being confirmed with you? Who was supervising her?
Collecting her was the right thing to do but this should not have been allowed to happen in the first place!

The mum shouldn’t have called you “to come and pick her up”, she should’ve called you to say “your DD is here, she thought she was invited - I haven’t told her she wasn’t so as not to upset her, but it’s fine she can stay, I’m just letting you know where she is”.
The mum telling you she could stay AFTER she’d got upset was the wrong thing to do imo.

I am assuming “DD thought she was invited” means that she wasn’t invited and there was no agreement in place for her to get off the bus early?

So she got off the bus with the other kids and went along with them to the party? Did they (parents) not have to speak to the bus driver in advance, to arrange for all the kids to get off at the birthday stop? How was it not noticed she got off? Worrying.

It's a shame your daughter found out she wasn't invited. Maybe the party was only organised for X amount of kids but what's one more, at 6yo.

Yes it was the right thing to pick her up.

Yes exactly, she got upset when she realised she was at a party she wasn’t invited to, and had to leave.

We‘re not in the UK and it wouldn’t have been unusual for DD to get off the bus if all the other kids were. The bus driver would have presumed DD was going to the party and that I‘d forgotten to inform him. Would be unacceptable in UK but it’s how it is here

Of course it was! What was the alternative? Leave her there crying and feeling horrible - and for the other mum to sort her out during a birthday party? Poor DD, it was an easy mistake and she will feel awful about it I'm sure. Big hugs and she'll laugh about it one day.

Sorry, it sounds like your girl isn't being properly supervised, it's ridiculous to let 6 year olds travel on buses alone.
Would you have even known where she was if the boys mother had not contacted you?

Hi OP I am also in a country where this is normal for a 6yo to come alone, so I understand logistically how this happened.

I would have done the same and picked her up as I imagine all the other kids knew she wasn’t meant to be there and she was embarrassed.

Hope she is feeling better

not everyone lives in the uk and this Is totally normal in many other countries as the op has said.

Aww op my heart just clenched for your dd. It doesn’t sound like birthday mom handled it very well. And yes you were right to go and get her. Give her a squeeze from me.

Is it normal to let six year olds go without supervision to parties without checking with the parents of the party giver first?

I have no idea but I assume it is where the op lives. Why don’t you ask her? I was responding to the pp who said that her child shouldn’t be going on the bus alone.

Did your daughter bring a gift?

Gosh poor kid. It was a misunderstanding, she thought she was going to the party. The other mum luckily had your number and was able to inform you, I would have just pretended if I was that mum that your dd was invited and just let you know she could stay and what time to pick up. It must be a very safe country you live that 6 year olds get themselves to and from school, would love that myself knowing it was so safe, I'd probably still be a worrier.

I'd just be very relieved the mum had your number and was able to get in touch with you to be honest. We're you at home waiting for her to be dropped off?

If the other mum was improvising faster, she might have masked that your DD wasn't invited without letting her get upset, so she could had let you know that DD is there and if you have the afternoon free she can stay.

Once your DD understood she hadn't been invited, there was no other option.