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Help - nightmare nearly 2 year old

3 replies

Toddlergrumps · 09/11/2025 20:46

DH and I are at our limits. For background, DS 23 months has always been difficult, he has numerous allergies which took a while to diagnose. Before we discovered the allergies he was horrendous, barely sleeping, crying all the time, vomiting, about 18 poos a day. Our GP was old school and unhelpfully diagnosed colic. We had a night nanny for a week for some relief and she said in 25 years she’d never looked after a baby like DS.
We had a brief period of bliss about 6 months after we’d got allergy formula and eliminated foods from my diet, where he slept well, ate well and wasn’t grumpy, then he got frustrated he couldn’t move much!
That has progressed to head butting, he will find the hardest surface, walls, pavement, door frames people and just head butt. It’s being going on for about 9 months. He also bites, kicks and tantrums like a diva if he doesn’t get what he wants. This was challenging and it is hard not to get angry with him, but at least he slept OK. We were able to read him a few books, a nursery rhyme, pop him in his cot and he’d go to sleep. However for the past 4 weeks it has taken us hours to get him to sleep. He’s not teething, ill, growing or any other reason we can think of. Last night it was past 11pm and we started trying to get him to sleep at 7! We can’t leave him in his cot like we used to as he head butts the wall or the side of the cot. He does it so hard he’s moved the cot away from the wall. He still naps really well and will go to sleep with a book like he used to at night.
He cleared the milk ladder a few weeks before I’m wondering if he’s maybe got underlying tummy pain. Although that doesn’t explain the months of head butting.
We’ve tried everything, talking to him, comforting him, ignoring him, distracting him and nothing has worked. I guess I’m looking for help from others who’ve had head butting toddlers or toddlers that won’t go down to sleep.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
OtterMummy2024 · 09/11/2025 20:50

Is it possible he's just not tired enough for bed when you put him down? If you started 30 minutes later, would that help?

Toddlergrumps · 09/11/2025 20:56

We have tried putting him down later and it didn’t make any difference, the last few weeks we’ve been pushing him round in the pram, but even that hasn’t worked tonight. We’ve given him a bowl of porridge which he ate (in case he was hungry) but just not sure what to do!
He isn’t able to tell us he’s hungry, I’m hoping his communication will improve soon. His nursery said the head butting should get better as his speech improve but it doesn’t seem to be!

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ToysRus56 · 09/11/2025 20:57

Aw poor love. My toddler had a phase of doing similar. What’s helped us:

Staying calm and saying things like “I won’t let you hit your head.” Gently blocking him or moving something soft in the way. We give safe alternatives (pillow to head-butt, pushing my hands, crashing into cushions that sort of thing). Try naming the feeling: “You’re frustrated/your body has lots of energy.” etc etc and just make sure routines are predictable and add more heavy play (jumping, pushing, rolling). He grew out of it. Obviously if it's non stop might be worth getting some more advise xx

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