Last baby - letting go of the baby stage

[xTinkerbell]

I know this is likely hormones but I’m so painfully emotional.

I had baby 4 2 weeks ago. Through my pregnancy and the first couple of days after he was born I felt perfectly complete with 4. It’s always been the number we talked about. I have BGBB. We hadn’t found out what we were having and although I thought he was a boy and was perfectly happy, I started to have these feelings about never having another girl. Felt a bit teary over it but ultimately just kept telling myself it was hormones and I was being ridiculous.

Now I feel such an ache to do this again one more time, boy or girl. My husband is on the waiting list for a vasectomy though been told it’s about 18 months. A 5th child would be ridiculous and I’m not actually planning on having one. We have a car we can all fit in right now, once our house extension is done all the kids will have their own rooms. We are financially comfortable and can afford to give our 4 everything they need & holidays etc. We have plenty time to spend 1:1 with kids, great support system. Basically our lives are pretty perfect. I’ve had c sections each time and suffered PGP in previous 2 pregnancies. My body is done. I know we’re done but I need this ache to go away.

Please tell me it does? And that I’m not abnormal for feeling this way?

You’re very early on so give it a few more weeks and you might feel differently, I was really happy with the children we have but then felt like another girl would make our family complete and our youngest daughter born last year absolutely has. However we were able to have her without a huge bearing on housing, finances, work etc, just had to buy a bigger car.

@Jem446 I think if I could guarantee another girl I’d have one more. I’d love to do the girl thing again and to give my DD a sister but the way I’m feeling right now I just want to do this one more time.

We could probably have one more and financially be absolutely fine. DH has a very good job, another decent wage rise is expected though the house thing is a definite issue because I’d want them all to have their own rooms.

Praying this ache goes away with time but I just wish I could give it a helping nudge.

2 weeks! You're massively hormonal. Focus on this baby and leave decisions for later when you're more level headed.

@BoyMummummum I know I’m definitely hormonal. I think this feeling has just thrown me. I was so certain I was complete and content and suddenly I have all these feelings around it. Just wish they’d bugger off and that content feeling could come back

I have two. I felt extremely broody for number 3 until number 2 was 4 years old and now she’s 5 I’m not really feeling broody at all, but I still would have liked a third. If I’d have had a third would I have wanted a 4th? I think it’s because I’m now past the nappies, buggy and todddler stage.
Friends who’ve got three have said they’re still broody and when do you stop having more they say!

Probably knowing this is potentially your last baby is a big part of it too, I really would give it longer to see how you feel, how does DH feel? 3 is alot more work than 2 and we’ve got 4-5 year age gaps between ours, it’s manageable and lovely but quite non stop! I just felt like she would be a girl, everything would be ok (knowing stats not great for my age) and that we had another baby who was meant to be part of our family

I haven’t spoken to him about it but I suspect he’ll be quite happy as we are. I am too but I just have this ache for one more girl. I feel like I can’t talk about it because thinking about it makes me cry so talking would only do the same. Hoping it settles as the hormones settle

Congratulations on your new baby OP!

I’m no help really, but I feel very similarly. I have three - BGB - and my youngest is 6m. I hate being pregnant but I’ve know I want a fourth since he was born. I had hoped I’d have this feeling of being “done” but suspected that I wouldn’t. I have wanted four since I had my eldest. Like you, we have the space and the finances... I’m not sure my husband is up for it, so obviously that means that we won’t do it, but I do feel sad about it.

@xTinkerbell just to say my DH was told 18 month waiting list as well for V. They called him 6 weeks after being on the list and it was done within 3 months!

Some logical advice... enjoy the beautiful children you have now who need your devoted attention for the rest of their lives. You can help to look after their babies.

I understand the desire but as with anything that can cause a sense of 'addiction', weigh up the options. Sometimes it really is a case of count yoir blessings and be thankful for what you have, cherish it. Xxx

@Chinsupmeloves this is what I’m trying really hard to do. I know I’m so blessed to have them. It’s so very unlikely we will have another because although I have this desire,
my head is logical and knows it’s not a good idea. I just wish I could quiet the thoughts of ‘just one more’.

Give yourself a timeframe to revisit your emotions and if possible with time a daily note. Honestly, you do look back and realise things change. Xxx