What is going on with DH?!

[Apakjx]

Im not sure anyone has the answer, but I really need to vent.
We've been together for 5 years and have a 1 year old. Things were fantastic before, and he has a daughter of his own who he is great with.
He has been good with our son generally but recently he seems so distant. He works full time and I feel the rest of the time is spent avoiding us.
I work on the weekends and it's so stressful because he phones me up saying the baby's crying and he just can't seem to deal with him without losing his temper. He's great when the baby's not upset and they're having fun, but can't seem to comfort him. I'm considering leaving my job as I just don't know what to do.
I think he could be depressed but he just shuts me down if I talk about it!

Do you work every weekend? I would really struggle with that if that was my DH schedule. It would have been mine (I'm self employed and my work means mostly weekends and evenings) and we decided that while the kids were young time together was more important than the money (a privileged choice to be able to make, I know). But yeah, I'd be short tempered and struggling if I worked all week and then had children alone all weekend and didn't get a chance to connect with my partner or as a family.

It sounds like he is not coping with being a parent (or choosing not to cope). You said he’s great with his daughter, but it doesn’t sound like he’s parenting her full time. How old was she when he left the family home? I’d be concerned this is just history repeating itself.

Being a parent is hard. He has to just get on with it. I’d no longer be answering his calls. Do not leave your job! Expect him to step up. I went to Australia (!) for work for 2 weeks when my eldest was 18 months. Dh managed just fine. He had no choice.

Of course, he can work all week and then parent his child at the weekends. Solo parents do it all the time.

Don't take his calls; you're working. What would he do if you repeatedly called him at work during the week every time the baby fussed? If he's great with his daughter he's been through this before, unless there really is something unusual going on with your son (which I think you'd know).

And don't leave your job!!

Husband needs to get professional help if this has been going on for more than a few weeks. It's not a choice or an option, it's his obligation. At the very least, it sounds like he needs help with emotional regulation and anger management. He needs to do his part in restoring communication between you two.

It sounds like he’s not coping.

Have you had an honest chat with him and actually asked if everything is ok as you’ve notice that he’s changed?

I get why people are saying stop answering the phone and that would be my advice as well if he was just phoning being annoying and having a rant but the OP as said her husband has said he can’t seem to deal with him “without losing his temper” that does that actually mean OP? In what way is he losing his temper? This is a man who’s had a sudden personality shift, possibly showing signs of depression and is “losing his temper” with a 1 year old and is telling his partner he can’t cope. Rightly or wrongly that’s concerning and not answering the phone and ignoring him to get on with it I wouldn’t do. Do you feel your child is safe with him OP? I think you need a serious sit down chat with him to get to the bottom of what’s going on here, is he depressed, burnt out, if he concerned he might lose it with the baby? He needs to see his GP it sounds like.

Don't leave your job OP!

Would it help if he made arrangements to meet up with another dad, if there is someone nearby who has a child of a similar age and is giving his wife a break or is a single dad? This is why SAHPs go to baby groups etc.

“without losing his temper” 🚩🚩

Did him and the ex split for this reason too OP?

He's great when the baby's not upset and they're having fun, but can't seem to comfort him

What does he try to do to comfort him before losing his temper?
Has it occurred to him that the fact he loses his temper is what is causing the baby to not be comforted by him?

I agree with @Strangesally20 's post.

I think you need a weekday role and to use nursery. First and foremost you need to consider if the baby is safe in his care because losing his temper is a massive red flag. Secondly though, and even if you’re confident the baby is ok with him, I’d hate it if I worked 5 days a week and then was solo parenting the other 2. It’s stressful, there’s no downtime, no family time and all the usual sanity saving stuff like baby groups aren’t typically available at the weekend so it’s a struggle to fill the time especially going into winter when the weather is bad.