Feel so restricted due to toddlers nap time!

[LCE85]

Hoping I’m not the only one but I feel so restricted what I can do with my 18 month old due to her nap time. She naps around 12:30 for around 2 sometimes 2.5 hours, so latest she wakes up is 3pm. For her to nap that well she HAS to be in her crib, she’ll sleep in the car but not for long (if the car is stationary for too long she’ll wake up, and when she does she goes ballistic to the point she is almost sick!! God knows why)..!

Because of her nap time and the fact she has to nap in her crib to get quality sleep, I feel so so restricted what I can do with her, if I take her anywhere early morning I’m always clock watching thinking I need to get back for latest 11:30 for her brunch before she goes down. She would never nap on the go in her pram (tried and tested!) I just feel we’re both missing out on doing so much with her as she naps at a peek activity time we could be doing exciting things like her first meet Santa experience for example.

Is anyone else in this situation? Any advice on how to have a bit more flexibility without a total meltdown!?

I have similar but have started feeding him lunch / dinner on the go sometimes to extend what we can do in the times he's awake (eg staying at an activity till 12 noon, eating on the train home and then straight to bed). And being a bit flexible about the time sometimes eg the other day we came home from seeing my friend in Yorkshire on 2 trains 1 tube and 1 bus and still made it home for 1pm, then pretty much straight to naps. Also sometimes if I really want to do something, eg visit family who don't leave nearby for the day, I just put him to sleep in the pram, accept it will be a short nap and he might be a bit grumpy in the afternoon and roll with it.

I think you just have to accept it. It’s not forever, in a year that nap will be shorter and in 2 years gone (and you’ll miss it!!)

I have the same but have discovered mine copes surprisingly well on less sleep some days (older sister which means sometimes we do just head out for the day and he either naps for a tiny time in the car, a tiny time in the pushchair, or much later when we arrive home at say 2pm).

have you tried transferring from car to crib? I have had surprising success doing this recently after days out. He stirs when I get him out the car, well, seems fully awake really, but settles straight back in his crib for an hour.

Also I wouldn’t bother with Santa at 18m, unless it’s £2 at a school fete or similar. She won’t understand, she’ll have no concept, and is unlikely to smile nicely while sitting on a strange man’s lap. Save your money!

I had exactly this. DD8 was a brilliant sleeper but ONLY in her cot. Wouldn't sleep in the car, in the buggy, in the travel cot. Wouldn't sleep on me ever. It was incredibly restrictive. I don't really have any advice except that it will only be for a short time and it will get better!

I had friends whose babies would only nap while being moved (buggy or car) which I think would be worse. I just sort of resigned myself to having to get back home at specific times. I also invited people over for lunch and tea, as I knew I had big blocks of time to have proper conversations while she was asleep.

My child also had mammoth 2-3 hour naps at home when he was younger. I just accepted it at the time and enjoyed the peace and quiet in the middle of the day. It doesn’t last forever and there’s plenty of time ahead for all the experiences and day trips etc.

Our routine was to be up and out early to the park or an activity, and I would always take a packed lunch with us to make the morning more flexible. We’d have lunch on the go, stopping into a cafe with other mums so he could have his packed lunch and I’d get a coffee or something, or eat it in the park. Then it was home, changed, breastfed, and straight down for a nap. Loved getting that long uninterrupted time to myself.

Edited to add: we still did a Santa experience at that age. It was a local event and I picked the 10am slot. Now he’s 4 we’re finally doing the more magical evening experiences.

Sorry I have zero sympathy. That sounds like the absolute dream.

Guaranteed 2 hours in the middle of the day to do a workout, have some nice me time and a sit down. Can't imagine anything better.

I actually found this age the hardest because of this! I had a really active boy who wanted to be on the go from 6.30am every day. By 11.30am, I needed a nap too!

We would do something from 9am to 11.30and he would fall asleep in the car on the way home. I then transferred him from car to cot and had a nap and some lunch myself.

He would wake up at about 1.30 and have lunch, then we'd have to do an afternoon of wearing him out again. I found it so exhausting! It didn't help I had no friends or family nearby so was always on my own, even at baby groups etc.

It does pass, is the only advice I have. Mine dropped his nap at 22 months and it was so much better than I could have imagined. We suddenly had a normal pattern to our day again. By the time he was 3 -4 we were so relaxed, sometimes we wouldn't leave the house until 11am on non preschool days and spent all day out until about 4pm.

Oh and I found doing things I enjoyed too made life more bearable. So a mix of child focused things like the park and then a nice trip to the garden centre where he could still walk (or run wildly) while I least got to see things I was interested in flash by!

This is the same as us. When you’re in the thick of 6:30 starts and then needing a nap smack bang in the middle of the day, you can’t imagine that one day you’ll have a chilled 4 year old who happily plays at home until lunchtime and then wanders out with you for a nice afternoon somewhere. I much prefer the flow of our day from age 3 onwards.

I’m not sure I understand why this is a problem.

Mine did exactly the same and I loved it. I caught up with housework/napping/calling friends etc.

All the things you say you are missing out on can be done before or after the nap surely?

I don’t like being tied to the house either OP so I sympathise. I have to pick my eldest child up at school at 315, so I used to feel like I only had a small window of time (9-12 really) to do anything which isn’t much when you count driving there and back.

DD is 2 years and 4 months now and does mostly seem to have dropped her nap. I don’t miss it. I mean, yes it was nice to have a bit of time to myself but she goes to bed earlier and easier so I have gained that time in the evening. I’m with you!

I love a good middle of the day napper. It gives you a good break, means they're generally in good temper and it's predictable so you can plan around it.

I'd say the key thing to do to give yourself some extra time is take her lunch with you and eat on the go. If she sleeps from 12:30pm you don't need to be home until 12:25pm, straight in the cot for a nap.

Have everything ready to go when she wakes up too (including dinner on the go if you want) and when she wakes up put her straight in the buggy/car and go on your afternoon trip.

Get a good plan of morning and afternoon activities, there are loads because most babies/toddlers sleep at lunchtime so stuff suitable for their age does tend to be morning/afternoon. All the middle of the day stuff can be done in a years time when the nap is less important. There's no rush. She can meet Santa next year (when she's got some vague idea of what it means!).

Is she your first? My DS was like this but we had older DD so he just had to go along with our days, we couldn’t exactly go home all the time and stop fun days out with DD. I also really didn’t want to not be able to take him on days out and experiences, especially all the things at Christmas.

Can’t relate I’m afraid.

i used my kids’ naps for exercise, prepping nice dinners, taking Coursera courses, tidying my house so it was pleasant to be in

I would much rather have 2-3 hours to myself in the day for things I want to do.

What else would I be doing?

In a park somewhere or the library or a hideous soft play?

All toddler groups happen in the morning. Very little goes on in the afternoon.

Find a different Santa slot if you would like her to go this year. They won’t all be between 12-4. But all this really can wait. It is absolute shite when they stop napping and there isn’t a chance to do anything to a decent standard.

Enjoy your free time and stop seeing it as restrictive. You actually have 2 hours of freedom.

We had to.

It was difficult but I couldn’t really have a crying, distressed toddler all day either. We just had to do stuff in the morning and DD would nap in the car on the way back.

I wish I had a pushchair napper, I always feel that must be bliss.

What else would I be doing I mean, can you honestly not think of anything at all to do that isn’t soft play? For my part I like just being out. Back when DD napped in her pram I used to walk by the river, it was lovely.

Now she’s dropped the nap it’s just a lot easier to do things - anything really. And no, not soft play, although I’m sure we’ll go from time to time.

I would say enjoy it! We were trapped too but my god I miss those nap times and the down time! It'll be gone before you know it then you can do what you want all day long!

I think you’ll find I posted two other things in that short list of child-led activities, but let’s not miss a chance to feel superior on the internet 😂

My point is that- there are many, many, many hours to parent in the day. Many. And plenty of time to be out.

For what it’s worth, my children loved the woods walk near our home and chucking sticks in the river. But we did that in the mornings! And late afternoons.

If OP has 2-3 hours in the day, that is time for her- for her development, enjoyment, relaxation. A break away from active parenting.

That was the point being made ‘what else would I be doing other than <parenting actively at a child-orientated place>?

OP may as well see it as a blessing and a bit of a break rather than fighting with it, because it’s all just a season, the naps will be dropped and then you are ON even more.

She can have a Netflix binge or and still have many hours in the day to make an autumnal leaf collage on the local rec ground.

What time does she get up in the morning? My two year old naps about 1 to 3 so similar, but I've found it works well for our routine, he gets up at half 6ish so we're out for 9am for playgroup, or gymnastics, swimming, playing in the park, meeting friends etc in the morning till half 11 and then the afternoon is chill at home time.

If we go further afield he'll fall asleep in the car on the way back or skip a nap that day and have an earlier (slightly grumpy) bedtime. He was a contact napper for so long I actually love this routine 😆 my version of freedom compared to what was.

@SnabbaMash - I don’t feel superior at all! But you did ask ‘what else would I be doing’ and I was genuinely metaphorically scratching my head because ,,, well, anything, really! If certainly isn’t limited to the park, library or soft play.

We are all different and evidently a lot of people can’t relate but I can. I found the newborn stage quite claustrophobic because I had to stay in so much (it took a while to establish feeding and I had c sections with both) and after a while I did feel as if I was under house arrest, particularly with DD who was born in midsummer. I know a lot of people love it, though.

Generally I find the day goes faster and I enjoy it a lot more if we do something and I love having trips out with my children. So I can relate to the nap time struggles. That’s 100% not a superior feeling. Generally I would say to anybody and not just you that you shouldn’t feel soft play, parks and the like are the only places you can go to with preschool children; it’s their childhood but it’s also your motherhood and ideally both should
be enjoyable.

My DS napped about 2.5 hours until he was 3 yrs 3 months, when he realised he was missing out and stopped. It was a bit restrictive but as other OPs have said, I could cook, clean, rest, do the gardening, etc. I went with it. Usually we would be out quite early, and could stay out all morning, get home soon after midday, immediate lunch and then his nap. The house was always clean and tidy and I used to batch cook toddler meals and freeze them, and prepare dinner. In the afternoons we usually went for a walk to the park, or to a friend’s house. I missed that time in the middle of the day so much after he dropped the nap and he was horribly grumpy in the afternoons for months. I’d say enjoy it OP.

Personally I’d just take the hit on a poor nap in favour of going out but then we’ve always been relaxed on nap routines. Otherwise you’re basically committed but it won’t last long so just ride it out x

Give snack at 11:30 then you can stay out a bit later.

Eventually she'll need less sleep and a 2 hr nap could be too long and you might need to wake her after an hour.

The screaming when she wakes will improve as well. My first child would scream inconsolably for about an hour after her nap, no matter what sort of nap she had, but the screaming improved after age 2.5. she's still always a bit mardy when she wakes but it's way more manageable now.

And of course eventually they'll drop their nap.