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Supporting DD 11 who is confident kind and bright but rarely accepted in friendship groups

2 replies

Reginaphalangeeeee · 08/11/2025 09:41

I may be bias but her teachers and others also describe my DD as a bright, kind and confident child. She is creative, energetic, friendly, eager to learn and lead. Ofcourse she is no saint and like other girls age 11 is having some hormonal shifts, can be a bit competitive, likes to be in charge, and assertive in her ideas. She seems adored by younger kids who admire her and gravitate to her.. she is adored by teachers who see her as responsible and a role model. However, she is not generally liked by her peers.
She does have friends and moved between groups but doesn’t seem to have a loyal friendship which is reciprocated back or a permanent place in a group. The same seem true in school and out of school activities where she gets excluded from close groups.

She has become very aware of this pattern and is upset. We have discussed ways in which maybe her strong sense of leading may be seen as bossy or that some may feel threatened by her confidence & seek to bring her down. Although awareness of herself is important, I really don’t want hr to feel she has to change her to fit in. She is individual and stands ups for herself which I know will be a great asset to her, but kids her age right now seem to move in groups and want to be the same.

This was previously just in school and outside of school sports teams were ok. But this last week the same issues are noted in her sports squad where she is visable excluded from groups and targeted for standing out.

I do have an older child so know friendship dynamics shift over time but right now struggling to think how to protect her self esteem and confidence yet help her secure friendships her age/within group context to support her.

Any advice from parents of similar confident girls?

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NormasArse · 08/11/2025 09:45

”can be a bit competitive, likes to be in charge, and assertive in her ideas”

Could read as bossy and overbearing.

Perhaps that’s something to work on? Maybe talk about how she might feel if someone was like that with her? Work on social niceties if they aren’t coming naturally (they don’t for everyone- she’s not alone!)

Sorry- I’ve just seen that you have done some work on this already- just keep going.

Reginaphalangeeeee · 08/11/2025 10:18

Yes we have discussed situations but she often has inventive, creative and different ideas from her peers (for games for example). She is confident and happy to ‘go first’ or speak first. These are not necessarily bad traits but get why it singles her out.

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