14-months old not sleeping at night - help!

[TooTiredMum2]

Does this sound familiar to anyone and did anything help?

My 14-months old is a very happy boy, hardly cries during the day, always smiling, in good mood. When in nursery, he naps 11.45-1.30ish, when with me we do 2 naps 10.00-10.46 and 2.30-3.30. He eats very well, dinner is at 6pm, good night bottle (cows milk) at 7.15.

For the past 3 months, night are a disaster:

7.30 goes to sleep easily
8.30 first wake/goes back to sleep
9.30 meltdown, needs picking up and settling
9.45-1am: wake-ups/stirs every 45 minutes. Can be settled with sssh-ing and patting.
1am: meltdown, won’t settle without picking up
1.30-3.30: will sleep in our bed
3.30: meltdown
4.00-6.30: stirs every 30-45 minutes
6.30: meltdown, I give him a bottle and start the day
6.45: happy smiling boy

I’m severely sleep deprived and desperate. It doesn’t seem there’s anything wrong with him because he’s 100% fine during the day and people comment all the time what an easygoing baby he is. We did allergy testing and he has allergies we are aware of and manage.

He never slept through the night but from newborn stage we got 3-hour chunks, sometimes 4 hours. It feels like all my friends’ babies are sleeping through by now and their sleepless nights are a distant memory and here I am wishing the newborn days back because I got a hell lot more sleep than right now.

No advice really, but just sending solidarity back to you because my second was exactly the same.

I used to seethe inside when people talked about how difficult their newborns that woke every 3 hours were, whilst they were also on maternity leave, whilst I was up every hour or more with a toddler juggling with an older (also non sleeping) child and work.

For us things improved back to newborn levels from about 18 months, then from 2 we'd have some nights of actual sleeping through. That's gradually got more than norm over several years, with good spells and blips. Now she sleeps through about 75% of the time, and most of the time when she wakes it is short. However, she's also on a mattress at the end of my bed. And she's six. Also, prescribed melatonin.

We are the warriors of the sleep deprivation world. But one day you will sleep better again.

Are you tag teaming with your partner (if you have one) as much as possible? I had a deal with all of the wake ups because my child was completely mummy (and boob 🙄) focused, but he'd take them in the morning, do things like the nursery run while I'm still in bed - thankfully I worked from home. He did whatever he could eke me out more sleep, and I couldn't have done it without him.

Oh and just to add, frequent night waking so a lot more common than you think in toddlerhood. Loads of babies start sleeping through, but many parents don't tell you when they stop again... At least half of my friends had children that woke well into their toddler and preschool years.

@Babyboomtastic that sounds truly horrible…I’m not sure if I have months more of this in me. My husband does help, but there’s only so much he can do because he leaves home at 5.30am every morning for work (long commute).
I had to take a day off last week and sleep while my son was in nursery because I couldn’t stay awake any longer.

Transitioning 2-1 naps is hard. 2.30-3.30 is too late for his longest nap. He won’t have enough sleep pressure to sleep at night. Do one long nap in the middle of the day. You’ll need to do early lunch for a bit but it won’t last long and he’ll be able to stay awake u til after lunch. You’ll have to work hard to keep him awake though.. but it’ll be worth it

Unfortunately it’s the same situation with one long nap which he does at nursery (4days/week).

I started cosleeping with my toddler at 13 months as his sleep got horrendous. Had never had to cosleep before. It seemed to be separation anxiety in our case.

It can be the transition over to 1 nap, so takes a while to adjust.

other thoughts I had were - try giving formula rather than cows milk as a big belly full of cows milk may upset before bed.

and separation anxiety rears back up around this age, especially if at nursery a lot of the week

good luck.. it will pass 🙏🏻