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Parenting

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Children’s father problems!

6 replies

Pinkfuzzyoctopus · 07/11/2025 18:38

Hi everyone,

Few year ago I left my partner. Abusive relationship, not physical but verbal and mental. We’ve got two kids together. We were getting on well, doing the co-parenting, he’s moved on as have I but he has started being nasty with the kids. My son in particular can do no right in his eyes. He shouts at him for everything, even things he hasn’t done he tells him off for. Not too great with my daughter either. He seems to resent the kids for some reason. He’s never been a present father but never this bad.

We were at his parent’s house a few weeks ago (I still visit them) and he turned up. he spoke to the kids like they were shit, it was awful. I jumped in and told him he must not speak to them in that manner, I ended up getting a mouthful. His Mum and Dad expressed their disapproval at the way he spoke to the kids and me, he just shook his head and walked out. There has been a couple of instances recently where he has taken them out and shouted at them and they’ve kept quiet when they have been with him but when they’ve came home they have both been really upset. I called him to question why they were upset and he told me to get off the phone and leave him alone. I told him no as I wanted to get to the bottom of what happened. He then went on to tell me I am a bitch, a terrible mother, I’m turning the kids against him, I don’t allow him to see them (absolute rubbish, he did see them every day but now he has a partner he sees them once a week at best)…he was disgusting on the phone. I was shaken, it just took me back to when he would verbally abuse me when we were together.

Anyway back to the kids, it’s at the point where they are refusing to go out with him. They are scared of him. What on earth do I do? He has rights but I need to protect my children. I don’t want him screwing them up the way he has with me.

Everything I have done is to protect my kids, I left him so they weren’t living in a war zone where their mother was verbally abused on a daily basis. I bought us a lovely home. We got a puppy (he wouldn’t allow pets) and our lives improved massively. They love their home, they are happy but then they go to his house and are treated like crap. It’s just not fair at all.

Hope everyone has a lovely evening ❤️

OP posts:
Worried8263839 · 07/11/2025 23:06

He sounds awful. You haven’t said how old your children are? Whilst he has ‘rights’, so do your children. I think you need legal advice but if it were me, the children’s wishes would be respected. He’s abusing them how he abused you. Horrible man! I saw something recently that if a man has been abusive to the mum, the primary position of family court has always been that children benefit most from contact with both parents, but that this has now been changed to remove that starting point and focus entirely on what is best for the child so might be relevant in your case. As well as legal advice, I hope you have others around you for support

Pinkfuzzyoctopus · 07/11/2025 23:15

Worried8263839 · 07/11/2025 23:06

He sounds awful. You haven’t said how old your children are? Whilst he has ‘rights’, so do your children. I think you need legal advice but if it were me, the children’s wishes would be respected. He’s abusing them how he abused you. Horrible man! I saw something recently that if a man has been abusive to the mum, the primary position of family court has always been that children benefit most from contact with both parents, but that this has now been changed to remove that starting point and focus entirely on what is best for the child so might be relevant in your case. As well as legal advice, I hope you have others around you for support

Yeah he is awful. My kids are 10 and 12. I’ve told them to give him a wide berth for the minute and let the dust settle. I have my parents as support. It just feels like a nightmare. I escape him, find peace and now he has started on the kids.

OP posts:
Pinkfuzzyoctopus · 08/11/2025 05:23

Just to make it clear to anyone reading this, my kids are my priority, they come first and I would never force them to go and see him if they said they didn’t want to. As long as they had good reason of course. I know he wouldn’t hit them but it’s the psychological damage his vile words and actions can cause. It’s screwed me up, I am going to counselling. I don’t want that for my babies.

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endofthelinefinally · 08/11/2025 05:51

IMO the best thing to do would be to find out if there is any support or counselling through school. If your dc are able to confide in their teacher that can help.
They are of an age where a judge would take their views into accountif contact is not court ordered you are not obliged to send them to be subject to abuse.

Pinkfuzzyoctopus · 08/11/2025 23:56

endofthelinefinally · 08/11/2025 05:51

IMO the best thing to do would be to find out if there is any support or counselling through school. If your dc are able to confide in their teacher that can help.
They are of an age where a judge would take their views into accountif contact is not court ordered you are not obliged to send them to be subject to abuse.

I spoke with their teachers earlier last week to let them know they have quite a bit going on. They’ve assured me they will encourage them to talk if they need to. Both schools are fantastic, they have been a great support for the kids throughout the break up.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 09/11/2025 00:08

You keep them away from him
They have rights to see him
Not the other way

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