Relocating twice with children

[Noahjasmineelise4]

Hi all

We recently relocated from Reading, back in August. Now living in Norfolk.
We have three kids, a 7 year old boy and twin girls who are 2.
Myself and my partner are regretting our decision to move here.
I personally find it practically impossible to find much in the way of toddler groups. They're are a few, but not many. In general, the whole area is alot quieter than we'd imagined. We knew it would be less busy than Reading but wasn't prepared for just how much it lacks in respect to kids activities, softplays, farms etc.
I know it's still very early days, but this is not the place I can see myself living for the rest of my life.
My little boy didn't want to move from Reading because he would miss all of his friends. Since starting school here, it's been quite a struggle some days but I think he's slowly starting to get a bit more settled.
He's made friends, however he doesn't seem to be interested in seeing them much outside of school and doesn't seem to have bonded with anyone yet, although obviously it's still very early days.
We moved here for a quieter way of life for the kids, but now we feel like it's the complete extreme.
Job wise, my partner works from home.
The twins can't go to nursery for another year and a bit because we aren't entitled to the funding. This would be different if I was working part time, then they'd be able to go to nursery but it's virtually impossible to find any jobs here, even less so when the job I would need would have to fit in with school runs, childcare etc.
So as such, my twins can't start nursery until the term after they turn 3 (turned 2 in September).
Everyday I'm struggling to find things to take them to. Every weekend we struggle to find things to do as a family.
We just feel like we've made a mistake and have talked about relocating, possibly to somewhere near Kent.
My concern is my son. He's in year 2, and as I mentioned he's already been finding it hard to settle here.
I'm worried that if we relocated again, he wouldn't be able to handle it.
I know kids are resilient but I just think it would be too much.
But I feel like this is not the life I wanted for us and the kids. Job opportunities are likely to be non existent when they're older so they'd probably move away themselves.
If we did look at relocating again, it's not something that happens overnight and we'd be looking at months or longer before actually moving, and I feel like the longer we leave it, the more difficult it would be for him too.
We would have to be so sure that we were relocating there permanently.

Just wondering if anyone has done similar?

Not done similar but for your son's sake I would say you either move again quickly or don't at all. Would you consider going back to Reading?

You won’t be going to soft plays and toddler groups forever. We live in the arse end of nowhere in Devon and there’s still plenty to do.

It sounds like maybe you are used to more ‘attractions’ but most places outside of cities don’t have loads of those. But surely there must be plenty of lovely places to go in Norfolk. Beaches, playgrounds, lots of walks and picnics, in the summer rivers to splash around in.

Are there National Trusts near you? Get a family membership. It’s about £15 a month, but there is always something happening in the school holidays. We make the rounds of the 4 within an hour of us as it’s a cheap day out as a family. It’s great for a toddle and a coffee during the week.

Join your local library. There will be children’s activities, but it’s generally great on a rainy day. Find the garden centres with the cafe and the teeny play area. You will have one somewhere.

There absolutely will be toddler groups though. Not as many as Reading, but we live in a very rural area and we have 2 in our nearest villages.

Why did you move and why norfolk in particular? Do you plan to go back to work some day? Think about why you did it all?What about going back to the nicer areas near Reading like some of the villages. I know people near there. Just googled and I think it’s sonning common.

Seems like youre thinking about all very different places with no links or connection.

Can you give a rough location as I use to live in Norfolk and maybe could suggest some things. My family also live up in Norfolk, but a different part to where I lived and I still spend time up there.

What was it about Norfolk that attracted you? How much research did you do before relocating? Why do you think Kent will be any different?

is there any reason why you can’t go back to reading? It sounds like although you say you moved for the kids your son in particular is not benefiting from this move yet.

Norfolk is about being out in the countryside, we are in rural Suffolk and we spend most of our weekends outside, walks, by the beach, etc. My children are at school now but before they went to nursery I used to meet up with friends at each others houses and all of the local villages had their own baby groups so I used to go to a different village each day almost and made lots of friends that way. Relocating is hard you have to make a lot of effort to meet people, do you or your husband have any hobbies where you could meet people? We met people through running.

And playgrounds and feeding ducks, we did a lot of that, the kids loved doing that, we did it most days

It is way too soon to make decisions and your son has only done half a term in a new school.

I only moved 5 miles from my old house and felt like you do for the first few weeks as home didn't feel like home.

There absolutely will be toddler groups - check out local churches, village halls etc. Find your nearest libraries and there will be some bounce and rhyme or stay and play going on.

Challenge yourself to visit a new place in your new area every day - pick a random village and check out the park, take bird seed if you find ducks, stop at whatever you see that piques your interest like a little free library, a cake shed, an egg stall or a veg hut. They're everywhere rurally. Stop where you see little footpath sign and follow it a little way. I like to have an OS map of wherever I am and then you can see how paths end up and if you can make a loop.

Maybe set up an Instagram account or similar and blog your finds and adventures. You can keep the settings private but you could add photos and strava your walks.

Loads of churches are open during the day and many will have a play corner or info boards. Many local museums have dressing up or tactile exhibits and are often free.

Make sure you're in the class WhatsApp and join in with pta activities etc too. Most people are kind and welcoming and will have loads of local tips and hints to help you.

If you say roughly where you are, I am sure people can be a bit more detailed with ideas.

I wish people would stop uprooting their children's lives on a whim.

I am in Norfolk with 2 children similar ages to yours (7 and 3) and we have always had lots of groups to go to and there are lots of soft plays although admittedly the nature of the county means they are quite spread out.
There is lots going on and there are a number of good attractions - farms, parks, etc

what is your transport situation and where roughly in Norfolk are you?

We moved DS at a similar age.
It took him a whole school year to get a friendship group. He has a good group of friends now 18 months in, but the first year he didnt gel with anyone at all.
Lots of people move areas and it does take time to bed in. We have moved twice. I would say 18 months until you feel at home, have friends and find your feet.
You can always move back of course but it seems you havent given it much time yet.

It doesn’t sound as if you researched the new location sufficiently? You wanted quieter, but this is too quiet. And surely the job situation was predictable?

We moved from London to a Midlands village when DS was a baby, then left the country when he was seven. We now live close to a city centre in that country. We won’t move again until DS leaves home.

Op I would leave quickly if you are going to, and return to a place you know you will be happy. Reading is an option, or nearby. You have excellent transport links and an abundance of jobs and activities.

You can’t really know in advance what life is like in a new location until you have tried actually living there. At least you tried op.

I would be very wary about moving to another unknown place.

Rural life is about being outside most of the time, in all weathers. Riding horses, organising supper with friends, walks and cooking. We don’t even have a soft play centre at all for 30 miles, and I suspect no one would use it even if we did. You don’t have to like it, and it’s fine to choose something else.

Br decisive, it would be unfair to your son to let this drag on.

We live in a small hamlet and when my children were small there was no such thing as no as soft play. We would walk the dogs and they would scamper around. They played with piles of leaves, climbed on fallen tree stumps, and ran free. We had a local playgroup that we attended once a week. When weekends came around we would go out as a family to National Trust houses, steam railways and any other events that we could find. We read books and a favourite story was ‘The Town Mouse and the Country Mouse.’ After university my son and his fiancé moved to London for a few years but they were able to work from home during Covid. An opportunity came for them to move back to our Hamlet and they couldn’t wait to live back here. We decided that he was ‘ A country Mouse ‘ after all! My other son lives a mile away in the next village and has never wanted to venture further, apart from holidays. I hope that you can settle and find things that make you happy in your new home. Check if there is a Facebook group for your local area and reach out to other Moms for ideas for any local groups or activities. You will have to decide if you are a ‘Town Mouse or a Country Mouse!’ Best wishes from a Country Mouse. x

Mumsnet have posted this on their Facebook page, lots of comments to help you on there, just encase you didn't know 🙂

Can you give a rough location of where you are in Norfolk? I live in Norfolk with a toddler and we go to a different activity every day. It sounds like you might be quite rural? One thing that’s different about living in a village compared to a large town/city is that people drive quite long distances for everything, so if you’re in a village, don’t just look at what’s on in your village, be looking at other villages within a 30-45 minute radius, and especially look at your nearest sizeable town for a lot of activities.

I know North Norfolk as my Dad is originally from there, and I have family still living there. Had you visited the county extensively before deciding to move? A lot of Norfolk is rural, with pockets of market towns, and unless you live near Norwich, you could potentially feel isolated. Reading is vastly different to anywhere in Norfolk, to be honest, even Norwich. I grew up in a market town in Hampshire, so would prefer Norfolk to Reading any day of the week! However, you are used to living in a high populated area, with lots going on and everything on your doorstep. Norfolk isn't like that. You've only lived in Norfolk for barely 3 months, so it's going to be a bit of a shock, and you're still getting used to it all. Give it a little bit of time. If you do decide to move from Norfolk, do your homework on wherever you decide to move. You can't keep up routing your son, it's not fair on him.

Are you in the orbit of King’s Lynn at all? If so, there’s a fantastic and really supportive Facebook group I could point you to, which always has ideas for activities (not just in KL but in the wider area too).

As for relocating a second time, if you really hate Norfolk then I’d go back to Reading… the trouble is if you move to a third place, you might find you hate that too…

I live rurally, and I think it’s often surprising to people who move here from cities how different it is. Personally I wouldn’t change it. You just need to give yourself a bit longer to find your groove. I was a child who was moved around a lot, and it did me no good at all I’m afraid.
Find him a rugby / football/ tennis / cubs group, and he’ll start to deepen friendships.

We’re serial house movers, and it’s really tough going. Kids are age 12 and up now but typically found the less affluent areas had more toddler groups etc.
kids are typically outgoing and have done well. All you can do it your best at the time; hindsight is a wonderful thing !!!

I also think that rural environments differ widely. I grew up in the country in Ireland, in a place that had lots of people on farms their families had owned since the Land Acts, but also a lot of foreigners, especially artists, craftspeople, hippy communities and back to the land types, many there for decades, buying derelict properties or mountainy land and thoroughly integrated. I lived happily in various English cities for many years, including ten years in London, but my years in a village in the Midlands in no way resembled my experience of rural Ireland.

@AsMyWhimsyI am sure you are right. I only know about my rural area and the cities I lived in before. Here loads of people moved in lockdown and have been shocked at the lack of taxis / Deliveroo / buses etc. I love it, but then I knew what to expect.

3 months? You've barely given it a chance! At least it's not Reading.

Watch a few episodes of Escape to the Country for Norfolk, and look on the bright side.

You older child needs to suck it up, and your twins will not be little for long. Soft play was just starting out when my eldest were small, so it is not something I would ever feel entitled to. Really, they are Hell on Earth.

Im two years in to a move to south Norfolk and can absolutely understand how you feel.
I retired here from Nottingham, which ( to anyone muttering about northerners) is a vibrant city with loads to do.
It does take time to adapt and find your tribe.
Im 30 minutes from Norwich which does have good theatres, eateries and social events, so it's not far, but my big learning curve has been driving on single track roads with no street lights and crazy drivers coming towards you very fast!.

What id say is that it takes longer but it does happen, to settle and adapt to a slower pace of life.

It's very early days for you but your kids will adapt faster and by next summer I'd think they'll be fine which will make you feel much better.

Your kids won't be kids forever what type of life do you want long term?