I read that babies don't strongly attach to one caregiver over another until around 7 months old. Well our baby is 4 months old and she is showing very clear preference for me (her mother) to look after her. My partner (her dad) isn't very emotionally intelligent (he thinks he may have autism) and misses her cues - keeps playing with her when it's obvious to me that she's tired, often responds to her cries by shouting to her "it's ok" across the room. He's also addicted to his phone and can be quite lazy, often can't be bothered to look up from his insta to comfort her when she's crying, can't be bothered to cook or clean or do laundry, etc, though he does do more of the life admin.
I really don't want baby to develop insecure attachment so I end up being the one to soothe her when she cries - often I'll ask him to do it first, eg saying to him "she's crying, I think she's too tired and you should stop playing/ please would you give her a cuddle?" etc. Sometimes he'll do it, sometimes he can't be bothered. I'm finding it hard to tease out what is autism and what is laziness.
Today I finally went out alone for 2 hours, leaving them together. That's the first time in 4 weeks - before today, the longest I've had away from the baby is taking a shower. Came back and she was screaming and he was at his wit's end, saying he hates the baby. Please does anyone have some practical advice? I don't want to burn out by never having proper time away from baby, I also (much more so) don't want baby to feel unsafe and develop insecure attachment.
For context, I'm on maternity leave for a year and he only works 10-15 hours a week (online). We don't have safe family/friends around for babysitting (for practical reasons).