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Advice on Year 7 friendships

5 replies

Winterlover2020 · 06/11/2025 15:06

I fear I sound unhinged but navigating this friendship minefield is not something I was prepared for! Bear with me: DD gone to secondary school with primary friends. Closer to one known for years and walk to school etc. The friend is very hot and cold, can be stroppy and moody and seems to take it out on my daughter. My daughter is putting herself out there, joining clubs and really trying to make new friends and branch out as she felt suffocated at primary. This friend seems to be very good at dishing out leaving my daughter to walk alone, hanging out with others etc but when my daughter does she cry’s and they have to see those form teacher. Daughter was upset and very fed up at being painted the villain as she never tried to stop the other girls making friends etc and I is very confused as she spent Sunday with this friend when she was questioning my daughter about best friends etc to which my daughter said I don’t have one I just like hanging with lots of people. I have had a long convo with this girls mom yesterday as she is a good friend of mine and I did have to say this is sounding very one sided when I have in fact had DD upset on a number of occasions and crying at school but took the stance I wouldn’t react and reach out and would let them sort as they need to grow up. School said it’s very common but I’m a mess and worry constantly whilst she is at school there is no question of me moving her she is very happy aside from this little niggle. They sorted it and walked to school this morning so it’s very confusing!! This other girls has a bit of an unhappy home and I wonder if it’s attention but daughter fed up of it being her always on the end of it. Any advice would be great.

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Endofyear · 06/11/2025 17:11

I think it's a difficult one - generally I would say stay out of it as girls this age are enemies one minute and friends again the next. Bear in mind that you are only hearing one side of the story here and resist the temptation to blame it all on the other girl.

Having said that, if your daughter is having to be up in front of the form teacher, it's difficult to stay out of it. I would encourage your daughter to be friendly enough but lean towards spending time with lots of other friends too. If the problem continues then it's worth having a conversation with the form teacher yourself and say you're concerned that the other girl is possessive of your DD and seems to want to restrict her friendships with others. What I wouldn't do is approach the girl's mother again - I can guarantee she will defend her daughter, just as you would yours and you will end up falling out over it!

Julimia · 06/11/2025 17:27

My advice would be offer suggestions to your daughter but otherwise keep out of it. Don't involve anyone else either.

Millionaura · 06/11/2025 17:30

I would contact school again to request that pupils are discreetly sat apart in lessons if possible to give everyone some breathing space.

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QuickPeachPoet · 06/11/2025 17:32

Honest advice-be there for her but stay well out of it.

Jenpen31 · 06/11/2025 21:40

Support your daughter at home, but stay out of it. I wouldnt approach the Mother of this girl again as in my experience it never ends well. The high school years are very challenging, navigating friendships is one of the difficult parts of it.
I've found they are friends one minute....enemies the next back to friends again. Ive had it all the way through for the entire time. Mine leaves this summer and I cant wait.

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