Hi everyone,
I really need some advice because I feel completely stuck and don’t know what to do next.
My ex didn’t see our son for the first year of his life. He chose not to, then later took me to court for contact. I agreed for him to have contact at my house, and even CAFCASS said they didn’t agree with his mum having any involvement. They actually suggested contact should only be every two weeks, but I wanted to give him a fair chance to build a bond with our son.
He later moved in with me (after his mum kicked him out for spending too much time here). During that time, he didn’t contribute financially at all, even though he was working full-time. He’d sit on his Xbox most of the day and just put YouTube on for our son. He showed very little interest or effort as a dad.
When I ended things, he packed up, left, and within an hour started following 100 girls on Instagram exactly how he behaved years ago. He convinced me he’d changed, but he hasn’t. He also has a bad temper; when we argued, he’d throw things or shout, sometimes when our son was right there or asleep in the next room.
His mum is another huge concern. There are messages from when I was 23 weeks pregnant of her threatening me to get an abortion. She even messaged my dad saying if I kept the baby she would “beat me.” She’s an incredibly toxic person and has always treated her son horribly, yet he still lets her control everything. She even texted him saying “don’t listen to anyone saying you look alike” trying to convince him our son wasn’t his. She sent me constant abuse throughout my pregnancy.
I did allow her to meet our son once, at one of the dad’s football games, because I wanted to be fair and put my son first. But even then, she couldn’t help herself making nasty digs.
Now he’s saying he won’t see our son unless he can take him off on his own. I’ve offered for him to spend time with him at my house while I’m at work, but he refuses. He lives with his mum, and I just don’t trust that she won’t be involved. I know that’s exactly where he would take him.
I feel trapped. I want my son to have a relationship with his dad, but I can’t let him be around that kind of toxicity. Has anyone been in a similar situation.. where the dad refuses to see the child unless he can take them away, and there are serious concerns about a family member being involved? How did you handle it, legally and emotionally? I would like to avoid court.
Any advice or similar experiences would really help.