Worried that DS is "broken"

[FearToTheFuture]

One of those throwback montages popped up on my phone today of DS when he was 4 (now 8). Watching it made me feel really sad, I think because of how much he has changed.

He was so happy and cheerful and carefree on it. Now he can get quite anxious, struggle to sleep, restless, hypersensitive, has developed what I think is a tic with his fingers, constantly rubbing them together. I worry about him so much.

He was such an easy baby and toddler but then age 5 and 6 we were having horrendous outbursts of anger and aggression. I honestly think we dealt with them all wrong for about a year and I am petrified that we have broken him somehow.

Have I failed as a parent? Is it normal for additional challenges to appear as they get older? For now he is still very funny and happy, does great at school and has lots of friends but I worry that especially when he reaches teenage years it will all be too overwhelming for him. My lovely baby, I wish he still had that innocence.

All of mine developed worries at around the age of seven and eight - their brains are growing massively and clever kids’ imagination can often mean they overthink things. In a few years their experience will have caught up with their imagination and it’ll be fine, so reassure him that worries are normal at this age and it’s a sign his capacity to understand the world is growing.

At 10 or 11 you’ll have moved through this stage. And then get the hormone changes which is another challenge! But the best approach is to reassure and not pathologise. Your worries about him will be picked up, so do whatever you can to not show them to him. It is normal though, at this age.

They can go through hormonal changes between 6 and 8,

Adrenarche is a normal process that can start between ages 6 and 8

My DS started behaving differently around 7ish, he's almost 9 now and just starting to "calm down"

School gets harder for them at 6 too, it goes from play focused to work focused which my ds really really struggled with.

Are you quite anxious op?

Don’t rule out a potential adhd (add) diagnosis.

Can I ask how you dealt with his meltdowns?

He sounds like he’s a normal lovely boy. To be honest you sound anxious and insecure. Have you ever talked to anyone about anxiety?

My niece (6) gets anxious, and has tummy aches. Her mum and dad booked her in for a few sessions of play therapy, and it has really helped.

it’s basically talking therapy, but centred around games. It’s just the therapist and the kid, then every few sessions the therapist chats to the parents too, to update them.

I also agree with other posters saying this is a good time to think about your own habits, and whether some talking therapy could help you as a parent.

I know it’s helped me massively, to talk through my worries on parenting with an independent, wise person. I didn’t realise I was following some of the thought patterns of my own mum (not great!) and therapy helped me follow my own path as a mother. I’m a lot more confident now and less triggered

so that’s worth bearing in mind x

Such interesting responses, thank you. I thought I'd be told overwhelmingly that it's not normal and that it sounds like DS is struggling.

I can get quite anxious yes, seems like it may be a 'me' problem then and that I am projecting.

Also very interesting about adrenarche, it feels like a lightbulb moment reading about it!