Is dad out of line?

[ByGladKoala]

Brain dump, might be incoherent.

I’m in what has turned out to be a very bad relationship, we have a child (6y boy). I’ve wanted to leave for a long time, but am very worried what will happen if dad has the child alone.

Dad has, in my mind, struggled a lot with becoming a parent and seems to think the child has somewhat ruined his life. I feel like I constantly need to be there, alert, and be a buffer. The only time they get along well is if the kid is in a very good mood and dad as well.

Things that often happen:
If the kid doesn’t do what dad wants or does what he say instantly (like eg put shoes on the very second dad asks him to, or go to sleep on command), he’ll be called horrible, annoying, nasty, “making my life harder”, or be given threats of what will happen. He’s also been told to shut up a few times and that he is an idiot.
He’ll do things like take his nightlight and lightbulb from ceiling light away if bedtime gets hard.

The child has started reacting and talking back, so every little thing escalate to something big very quickly.

There are also more physical things, that dad always say were accidents. Like dragging the child out of the sofa by one leg, and when he falls on the floor or hits his head on the coffee table, it’s the child’s fault for not listening in the first place.
Could list a lot more

What the fuck have I just read? This is abuse, plain and simple. Don't minimise this behaviour; get away, get your child away and apply for full custody. Poor child.

It’s not great is it, you obviously have good reason for wanting to separate. I mean if your child’s father has struggled so much, and says things as he does, about child ruining his life etc. Will he really want contact/much contact anyway, you might not need to worry.
But from experience and what I am still going through, I would say to preferably have something organised properly, so if you go through solicitor etc.
If you have safeguarding concerns, then you might want to speak to children’s services.

CSC will advise Mum to separate from Dad and offer no support.

When it’s come up in the past, he has been very clear he wants 50:50, and expect that to just be agreed as he does not want to spend money on lawyers

What do you mean offer no support?

I mean that CSC would make it clear to you that you are responsible for protecting your child but not necessarily offer support with finding somewhere else to live.

At age 6 the child is old enough to talk about how they feel and what Dad has done, so CSC might be the right people to contact. My ex was only abusive to me and I was advised to leave with my DC, which I did. Removing lightbulbs etc. and leaving a small child frightened in the dark is horrifying.

Jesus Christ, get out that is abuse

See a family solicitor as soon as you can. He can’t be allowed to abuse your child, with or without you there.

Thanks for the reply.
I am worried this will be my words against his. The child often say things like he hates his dad, wants a new dad etc., but he also loves him, so I don’t know what he’ll say if asked.

What happens when CSC advises one to leave? Does the child come with them until a legal progress potentially start?

Your little boy is being physically, emotionally and verbally abused by his father. You have to take steps to protect him. He may disclose the abuse in school or to another trusted adult.