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Aggressive Behaviour 4yo

4 replies

Nijo · 05/11/2025 07:37

I have a 4-year-old DS. We moved to the UK about three months ago after I got a good job in a reputable organisation. He speaks very well in his mother tongue but has very little English, and he started Reception in September.

His teacher has recently told me that he doesn’t always listen when told “No,” even though he understands it. He has been aggressive with other children, scratching, hitting, and snatching their belongings. At his previous nursery back home, even though he only attended for a few months, I didn’t experience this behavior. At home, he is fine since he’s an only child, and in other playgroups (like church), he behaves well. I’m not sure if this is because he spends less time at church (and I’m mostly around) or because some of the other children can speak our language.

I want him to learn boundaries and stop these actions. At home, I have been telling him not to do these things, and sometimes he gets a time-out, similar to what he receives at school, so he understands the consequences. However, I was told he was aggressive again today.He also refuses to eat his school lunch, even if I pack something, so I’m not sure if hunger is contributing to this behavior.

I’m at a loss and don’t know how to help him stop these behaviors. I'm not present at the moment to redirect or intervene in any way. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
goforadrive · 05/11/2025 07:40

It does sound like it’s rooted in frustration, poor boy and poor you! I guess trying to assist him in learning English would be a help, although I have to admit I don’t really know what routes are open.

Bitzee · 05/11/2025 07:43

The fact that he barely speaks English has got to be a major factor. He won’t have a clue what is going on, what is being said, can’t interact with his peers or teachers and he has no words to express his difficulties or frustrations so is resorting to aggressive behaviour. IDK when his birthday is or if you can even do it part way through the academic year but he really would be better off in a nursery class where he can learn English without the pressures of school and then moving on to reception next year once he has the language. Might be worth discussing with the school?

WhatNoRaisins · 05/11/2025 07:46

It must be very stressful being in an environment where everyone speaks a language that you don't have good command of. I get having consequences for the behaviour but I think the only way for this situation to improve is for him to learn the language.

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SwanSong30 · 05/11/2025 08:18

It sounds like the communication issues are causing him to be frustrated. He won’t understand his surroundings and cultural differences with things like food, plus dining halls in primary school are very noisy places, this may be preventing him from eating his packed lunch due to feeling overwhelmed.

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