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Struggling with 4yr old

2 replies

Kst56 · 05/11/2025 06:35

Hi there
Pls help!!!
My daughter started nursery I'm September, previously having been looked after by grandparents.
Upon her Starr at nursery grandparents then moved abroad.
Daughter struggled at 1st at drop off but after a couple of weeks was fine. However at pick up she became wild.
It started with taking her shoes off, then escalated to the point where she was stripping naked at the school gate!

She is having major meltdowns at home, example my husband's turn to put her to bed last night and she had a full scale meltdown trashing the bathroom, trashing her room, screaming.
Eventually I had to go in as I could bare ot no longer and she just collapsed on my lap.

She protested everything, doesn't want to wash her hands, doesn't want to brush her teeth. Demands naughty snacks and when I refuse its another meltdown.

Her older sibling is terrified and doesn't understand and questions why is she being like this.

I always collect from school with snacks and pram, now I take a blanket in case she strips.

I really need some advise I'm at wits end and not sure how much more I can take.
I'm keeping her home from nursery tomorrow to see if a day of calms her emotions but I am dreading an entire day of being a human punch bag.

I cannot change the fact she has to go to nursery she is 4 now, I can't change the fact that grandparents have left.

We have introduced the coloir monster book and talk about her being red when she is feeling big emotions and when she is green we can talk and also tell her to listen to her body and have a mummy hug to feel more green

I'd love to talk to anyone who is having similar issues, has anything worked. Or anyone who has been through similar and can tell me this gets better
Thank you

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Piratejenny99 · 05/11/2025 10:48

Four was an absolutely awful age for my DD. Her behaviour improved massively around her 5th birthday. I found the best approach was basically to love bomb her and make everything fun and exciting e.g. lets see if you can wash your hands at the same time as I tickle you etc. I can't lie, this wasn't easy especially when I was exhausted or trying to get the dinner on the table.

Any attempts to be firm initially only escalated her behaviour but once we had regained some trust and communication I was able to bring these in slowly. Good luck OP, its a tough stage but mine is nearly 7 now and mainly a delight. She witnessed a friend having a meltdown yesterday and announced "Well that was a bit of an overreaction".

mummytrex · 05/11/2025 10:51

I hear you OP, but have no answers yet. My daughter has just tuned 4 and also started nursery in September. She morphs from a dream into a defiant little demon at times. She is an amazing child, but I am really not loving this stage!

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