Going away without toddler

[NewUmberSloth]

Me and my partner are going on a city break next month for 3 nights, we are leaving our 18 month old with his grandparents.
i feel so guilty for leaving him. is 3 nights too long? He’s stayed away from us before but never longer than 1 night. I’m worried I won’t enjoy myself

I’m worried I won’t enjoy myself

I think this is the key thing, honestly! There isn’t a “right or wrong” in this sort of situation - some people would be very happy to do it, knowing their child would have a terrific time with grandparents, whereas others wouldn’t want to/wouldn’t have the sort of family support where there was an option to consider it. I think you just have to go with how you feel about it in your own personal set up and knowing your own child.

thats the thing though is there a right or wrong? Would you judge someone for leaving their child for a few nights?

I wouldn’t go away for more than one night but that’s me! Others may feel differently.

All parents deserve a break and some quality time together.

I think it’s natural to feel guilty and worry, but I’m sure your toddler will have a brilliant time with their grandparents.

I think three nights will be fine. Someone will probably be along to say three weeks is fine!

There is no right and wrong to how long to leave your DC and I would never judge someone who did go away without their children.

I find it hard when I do leave my children for a few night - they are old at DS8 and DD4 but I have left them when younger too for weddings. hen dos etc - but I try to focus on the positives. It will do you and your DH good to spend time together, DC good to have 1:1 time with grandparents. I've always come back feeling positive about it not negative the whole time I was away.

We did a week away in May this year for a milestone anniversary. It was hard to actually leave but when I was there it was fine. And I'm about to go away on a girls weekend (but the kids are with DH) for 2 nights. I'm full of guilt and not wanting to go but know when I actually get there I will be fine.

Please try not to be influenced on whether you will be judged! Why should you care what other people think?

Genuinely you have agency over your own choices and actions.

You and your OH get a chance for a break, reconnect outside of the domestic trenches, your child gets to spend precious time with grandparents. It’s a win win.

FWIW me and DH had an annual trip for just the two of us when the kids were little. Usually 3 nights but up to a week on one occasion. Everyone was happy.

I did two nights at a similar age but tbh, I didn't enjoy it. Dh surprised me with a trip for our anniversary, but in my head he was planning a spa hotel near his mum (wear dd was going to be), but he actually booked us flights to go further afield for a city break. It was so lovely of him, but it did stress me out a bit. Dd was my pfb as well, so it was extra stressful.

It is up to you ultimately. I wouldn't judge anyone for going nor for not wanting to go

There’s no right or wrong with this. If you want to, go for it. It’s lovely you have the supportive family.

I never did when mine were little, I didn’t have that network and would have missed them too much. I think I did a hen do or two for one night away. If I’d had an enthusiastic DH (!) and a nice grandparent who I knew would be 100% with my DC, I would have gone for it.

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As long as grandparents are responsible and competent (ours aren’t so not an option for us), he will be absolutely fine. Enjoy your time away!

This all depends on you really, it’s a really hard thing to do. My anxiety is awful when I leave my children. My first born is now 3 years old and I hVe only just started to feel happy and comfortable to let Dad take him away for a weekend or me be away from him for a night or two, but I now have a 4 month old who I will not leave until I am ready and won’t put myself through the anxiety of leaving her.
I promise it gets easier the older they get when they are able to communicate, I am so much better with my 3 year old now he can talk to me over the phone. But from experience, the longer you leave it the harder it can get to leave your babies so I would be inclined to say “take your city break and enjoy it!” But I also know how hard it is. Sending hugs and go with your heart x

Quite honestly, I'd judge you more for not cutting the apron strings a little bit.
You need to be a couple as well as mum and dad. Your child is being well cared for by loving grandparents, learning how to be without you fora while and be comfortable with that.
Even the strongest of marriages have suffered before now from parents (usually mums) becoming all consumed by their children and forgetting that they are also in a relationship.

thats the thing though is there a right or wrong? Would you judge someone for leaving their child for a few nights?

It honestly depends on the circumstances! Someone leaving their child with grandparents who are desperate to have him and he knows really well and you know he’ll be well looked after and have fun? No, of course not. Someone with a vulnerable/super anxious/ill child that they’ve foisted on an unwilling friend? Probably. Would I have done it myself? No - but then my mother was hopeless and my in-laws were distant, so it wouldn’t have been a viable option: Did I judge my friend with a very difficult toddler who really needed a break and let her very involved mum step in for a few days? Of course not. I really don’t think there is a right or wrong.

Some people will definitely judge you! I won't, but I think you are inviting a lot of criticism. If your child will be with people you trust and both you and your partner think it's a good idea, why do you need anyone else's approval? I left my 2.5 year old with my sister for a week and they had a blast together!

your DS will have a lovely time with his grandparents. Enjoy your time away and remember that these opportunities are few and far between

He will be fine. We left ours for a week at that age and very much enjoyed the holiday (he was with his much adored grandmother who he saw pretty much daily, and she stayed in our house). When we got back he barely glanced up from what he was doing 😂

I think yes three nights is too long at that age he should see you every day. When he is two he will understand explanations about what’s happening, but he won’t now.

Its important that parents are happy and having a little "us" time is vital imo. Go for it and enjoy every minute

I find it odd nearly 2 and your worried about going away for 3 nights when toddler is gonna have a wonderful time with the grandparents and make precious memories with them..all our kids stayed at grandparents on both sides probably from around 9 months and they absolutely adore there grandparents and vice versa..you can never have a family net to big for your young ones to go to at any time