Music Lessons- Signing up your Children

[JoBarBoo]

Hello! Honestly completely non-judgmental post, I am just curious and would love some input from parents. Basically, I’m a music teacher and in a nutshell I want to know why parents sign their children up for music lessons?

Background: I honestly think I have the best job in the world, I absolutely love teaching piano to children and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I have a great relationship with most of the children I teach and their parents alike. However I would say that the majority of the children that I teach don’t do nearly enough practise. I’ve never had a go at any of my pupils or parent about it, because let’s face it life’s too short and I’m just not that kind of person. But I have always explained to both pupils and parents the importance of completing weekly practise. I honestly do try and make it fun and I don’t think anyone goes away from my lessons having had a negative experience. I have to admit though that underneath the smiles, the fun demeanour and jokes I do find it frustrating. Learning a musical instrument is like learning a language and acquiring physical skill all rolled into one. It’s not something that anyone can just pick up without regular effort and encouragement. Most children (my own included!) prefer to play computer games or chat to their friends, but with regular practise and encouragement most children have the skills to become fluent at reading music and playing, but many aren’t encouraged to do so, not even for 10 minutes a day.

So yes, that’s it’s really, if you’re a parent signing your child up for music lessons what do you honestly hope they’ll get from it? I’m especially interested to hear from the parents whose children barely do any practise for whatever reason, I promise I’m not hear to judge any of you ☺️

My kids did music lessons.

we did daily practice. It was a fucking nightmare. I did do it though.

for my kids I needed to sit down and do it with them. So I needed to have an idea about what we were going to practice and why. They were mini lessons really and I had to seriously upskill my musical knowledge in order to do it.

we had several years of practising every day before they were even half way competent to practise on their own and even then in the run up to exams etc they needed support and encouragement.

it’s a massive amount of time and energy that many parents just don’t have.

We signed up ours because we both play and we consider learning an instrument to be an essential part of a well-rounded education. Practice is like homework, non negotiable.

I signed mine up because I loved playing when I was younger, and it's one of those skills I think is extremely difficult to pick up as an adult. I also wish I had practiced more myself in hindsight! Even so, it can be hard to fit in practice every day alongside sports, homework and seeing friends etc, which are also important. He probably practices properly around 4 days each week, although will quite often play for pleasure in between.

In defence of parents though, neither of my parents played instruments or could read music and I think it is a lot more difficult to support a child without that knowledge. I used to play quite a bit, but often not practicing the things I should have been learning and neglecting things like scales and sight reading. I've noticed my son is the same. Even though he now completely surpasses me as a musician, he does find it quite hard to stay 'on task' and I sometimes support his practice to make sure he's working on the right things (i.e. whatever his teacher has set him, not something random he feels like playing, although we try to make room for both!)

I think it’s essential really. I learned an instrument to a very high level as a child/teen, but only managed it because it was one that is normally started at an older age (I was 10) and so by that point I was able to be independent with practice. My family were not musical and never helped me with practice.

By contrast, I’ve got a 7yo violinist and I sit in on every lesson and supervise every practice session. He does 30 mins per day and has made incredible progress over the last 18 months, but only because of massive effort on my part. I can totally see why many parents don’t have the knowledge and capacity to do this, and probably don’t even realise it’s necessary.

I really benefitted from music lessons at school, and wider choir/orchestra/O level music. I always thought that my dc would play, and both asked for lessons quite young. DS progressed from school ukulele club to guitar age 7. He’s prepping for G7 classical guitar, and messes about with electric and electroacoustic guitars too. He also sings, and sang as part of a massed choir at the Royal Albert Hall last year. DD asked for piano lessons age 6, and had a rocky start due to lockdown. She is prepping for G4 now and has also picked up drum kit and wider percussion - she was recently headhunted by a local concert band which she was made up about!! Her piano background has really helped with her love of tuned percussion.

Both dc attend Saturday morning music centres and play in a number of ensembles here, at school/college and locally, and perform regularly. DS is not particularly into team sports, so this gives him the joy, discipline, team player turning-up-and-getting-on-with-it that some dc would get from team sports. This is really why I pay for lessons. When DS was asked how he handled things going wrong in his college interview, he told them about when his mind went blank when he was playing a solo piece in a public concert.

Having said all that, music lessons are not cheap and I consider ourselves fortunate that we can afford them (we cut back on holidays though). When I was at school we got 30 mins 1:1 on our first instrument, and 30 mins 1:3 on our second for free - state school. It saddens me that these opportunities are not available to children whose families can not cover the cost of lessons.

ETA: They’ve both always been pretty good at practicing.

@JoBarBoo interested to know what age you think is best to start piano and whether you think starting too early is a problem for some kids? A lot of parents near me sign their kids up at 5 in reception which I personally think is too young for most, and actually they’d be better off waiting until 7 or 8, but the local music teachers where I am never seem to push back.

I have a six year old in piano lessons. I played and sang as a child (although school group lessons only; private were out of reach for us), and think it's a lovely skill to have, something you can enjoy throughout your life, and yes, much easier if you get the grounding in childhood. I naturally hoped my children would also be interested, but would never push private lessons unless the child was clearly interested – it's too much time and money otherwise. DD1 clearly is interested (and is desperate to add a second instrument), and so here we are.

It's not generally difficult to get her to practise, but I don't expect more than 10-15 minutes of 'proper' practice, and we don't manage absolutely every day (and we do have a star chart). She's surprisingly self-disciplined about it – she needs some support with a new piece or exercise, as her note reading isn't 100% yet and she's conscious of not learning it wrong, but after that she just gets on with it. I stay within earshot and pop in now and again to reminder her about dynamics or the occasional rhythm that's going a bit off. As much as she's keen and I'm keen, it would be hard to fit in as much practice if she needed my constant support – I work full time, she has a younger sister, and it's usually just me to juggle everything.

What I have noticed is that at all levels there is lots of talk about the importance of practice, but much less about how to practice. If a parent is not musical (like me) then this would be very helpful - eg spend one 5min practice session on embouchure with exercises provided, spend one 5 min session on getting this tricky fingering sorted by playing at half speed until it's clean, and one 5 minute session learning this scale by memory.

My 14yo is at a junior conservatoire and plays in a national ensemble and still usually drifts off into the fun bits like playing the pieces she knows and likes and can already play well, rather than technical exercises/air support work/slow practice. I wish we'd got more advice at an early stage about structuring and supervising practice effectively.

@StrangewaysHereWeCome I would think that the instrumental teacher should be explaining to the child and parent how to practise and what is expected, though I wouldn’t be surprised if many don’t.

I have enforced a set routine with my own child which makes it easier (for me) as he’s less resistant to doing eg scales when he knows he needs to practise them every day.

For us it is something like: warm-up/exercises (5 mins), scales (5-10 mins, new one each week plus random selection of old), sight-reading (5 mins - clapping, talking about and playing through a couple of practice tests), pieces (15 mins trying to improve aspects of whatever he is working on (notes, articulation, dynamics, phrasing) not just playing through).

We finish each session with a “performance” of pieces he is comfortable with, and this can sometimes add on up to 30 mins more when he’s really enjoying himself. I can’t see my own DS having the maturity/discipline to work through this on his own for quite some time.

As others have said, playing an instrument and learning to read music are great skills to have.
For me, I signed my DD up to lessons as she asked to learn. I wouldn’t have otherwise as I think with things like this the child has to want to learn, plus it’s expensive if it’s not something the child actually wants to do. She practises a lot of her own accord as she enjoys playing and is motivated by learning the songs in the book that her teacher has asked her to practise. Working through the music books also gives her a sense of achievement and goals, she is always clear what she needs to improve on for the next lesson.
I would imagine children not practising at home may come down to age, enthusiasm, free time available, parents having the time to encourage it, and access to an instrument to play. Do they all have access to a piano? My DD has a keyboard she can play whenever she likes with headphones but a piano would be more limiting due to noise for example.

I'm another one who signed up my DCs for music lessons because I had them as a child and played to a very high standard as a teen as well as singing in my church choir. I think musical knowledge and being able to read music (at least treble clef) is important.

But I'm also another one who found that practising was very difficult and required my total attention and full support. DCs had a paid lesson with their teacher and 3+ lessons/week with me! If I had not been able to do that, neither would have made any progress.

That said, although both DCs became reasonably proficient, they both constantly begged to quit and eventually I caved.

DC1's flute teacher was not able to teach her how to shape her emboucher to produce sound! After a year we switched to violin, which I had played. Her violin teacher would retune her violin each lesson and complain about this. I wrote to explain that I was tuning it to A-440 so DD could play along with the CD as assigned! And that her complaining was destroying DD1's confidence. At her year 6 final concert, the violin teacher called her the wrong name ...

DD2 played flute yr 2 - 10. She was competent but her playing never quite 'took off'.

Sounds lovely! I'm a secondary teacher and would love to tutor if I could instead. My son is still a baby 😂 but definitely planning to sign him up for music lessons (if it's not hijacking - when's the best age to start do you think?)

I started piano lessons when I was 10, I was really into it but then started finding it difficult. It was a mix of my parents telling me to stop playing because it was annoying (not great and they were not great for different reasons but in fairness we had one open space downstairs and a kitchen) and me losing motivation. I did keep it up when I got into singing and did that for GCSE and can still read music but I obviously didn't progress much. I'm taking note though, I do understand how important daily practice is!

Mine both played piano and a string instrument. I play both so I could help them out if they needed it - no use playing a bassoon or trombone as I wouldn't have had a clue.

Practising was a chore but they always did school homework when they came in from school and music practice after dinner. Yes they moaned but now 20 years later are glad that they did it. My daughter enjoys playing for pleasure and my son has made a successful career in music.

We signed dd up because we have a piano and I had started to teach her a little myself. She enjoyed it. However dance took over her life so she didn't practice hugely but she carried on her lessons for a time as long as she was enjoying it and developing musicality.

We signed ds up because he did a year of class violin and appeared to have a real aptitude for it. The teacher said he was a natural. (turned out he has perfect pitch). He then decided he wanted to try guitar instead. There were times he didn't practice hugely because of other theatre commitments but ended up having piano and singing lessons and is no at conservatoire.

We noticed with our eldest that he has perfect pitch at a very early age and then the other 3 just copied and wanted to learn. I would say they all practised voluntarily in primary when they had time, just as they read lots of books in primary. By secondary, their lives were much busier with homework and activities so they became more passionate about orchestras or choirs where they had friends.
One tip I do have for piano teachers is to mix up classic and contemporary a little bit more. Even the ABRSM is moving a bit more contemporary now and I think that will keep up enthusiasm. Also to try and link it to school, because there are always talent shows etc and kids should do some performance. So I reckon linking to age appropriate contemporary pieces too may encourage enthusiasm to practise.

I would agree with mixing up the repertoire. My kids just went from one grade to another constantly playing nothing but ABRSM music. When my son got to Grade 5 he'd had enough of exams so stopped formal lessons but he's one of those annoying people who can listen to something on YouTube then sit down and play it perfectly with all the right chords from memory so him ploughing on to Grade 8 doing nothing but classical pieces would have served no purpose.

I'm confused as to whether the question is "Why do parents sign them up for music lessons?" or "Why don't parents make their kids practise?"

Question 1, I would say because they think they'll enjoy it, because it's good for the brain, because it gives them a hobby which isn't screens.

Question 2, because the parents are busy and find it hard to get time to sit down with their kids and make them practise, because the kids are busy and tired and don't get much time to squeeze it in, because the parents don't want the drag of trying to persuade them to practise when they've already done that with homework that day, or because they don't want to suck the fun out of something that's supposed to be enjoyable.

Thank you, some fantastic replies here.

For those asking about what age to start a child, it’s hard to say because a lot of it depends on the child (concentration, maturity, discipline.) For example I’ve had ten year olds make amazing progress, eventually catching up with their peers who started when they were five through sheer hard work and determination. I’ve also taught older children who can’t sing a tune when practising for aural tests, but then 5 year olds with perfect pitch! It’s so hard to give a firm age on when to start. What I would say that for most children THE BEST WAY to get them hooked is to get them some general music lessons when they’re about 4 or 5. Something that gets them moving (or at least clapping) to rhythm, singing, recognising pitch (on a basic level high/low), very simple picture music signs (not reading music as such but recognising that different symbols can mean different sounds), even simple improvisation. And then when they’re ready to have formal lessons they’ll usually fly. Just my experience of course.

As a teacher I agree that most parents (especially those who aren’t musical) probably don’t realise what a big time commitment and effort it is to help their child practise in order to do well at playing a musical instrument. I also agree that many teachers probably don’t explain how to practise, I even wonder if I am guilty of this too. I’d love to try and change this mentality, after all what an amazing gift it is to be able to support your child and give them the gift of music. I have no idea how to go about it though (hence the post.) I don’t want to end up alienating a generation of potential musicians and their parents!

@JoBarBoo one of my children has perfect pitch but wouldn’t have enjoyed music lessons at 5 as he just wasn’t mature enough. Personally I think you need a lot more than innate musicality to be ready to learn an instrument. At a young age things like ability to focus/concentrate and ability to read (words) fluently would probably trump a good sense of pitch for me, assuming you are learning to read music rather than by ear. Certainly for piano where you don’t even need to form the notes yourself.

I totally agree re the music classes focusing on singing and rhythm though - I think if more parents did this before signing their kids up for 1-1 lessons they’d have a higher chance of succeeding on their instrument.

Another factor I think is that so many people opt for say violin or piano, when actually some children may be suited to completely different instruments. Just because your kid hasn’t enjoyed say piano at 5 doesn’t mean it isn’t worth giving trombone a go at 9, or oboe at 11.

I was never given the opportunity to learn an instrument when I was young, not unless you count the recorder! My children were never really interested in learning instruments so we didn’t sign them up. I wonder if sometimes it’s parents wanting their children to take up an instrument but the child really isn’t that bothered.

My daughter has just started singing lessons at 5 and her teacher says she has excellent pitch so that's a good start. She's quite grown-up though and we have been singing to her and with her since she was a bump!

She has shown some interest in piano too but I'm not sure she's ready for the commitment of sitting down to practise every night. She sings everywhere all the time and she also does musical theatre classes, so I'm not overly worried about formal "practise time".

I did music lessons from the ages of 7 to 16. I was signed up by my mum to learn the violin, because she also learnt the violin as a child.
I enjoyed the lessons, playing in orchestras and school music groups and attending a Saturday morning music school. But I hated the individual practice. It just felt like playing for no reason. I wasn't playing with my friends, and I couldn't see the improvement from week to week. I very begrudgingly did 10 minutes a day.

However, I have ZERO regrets about "being musical". I learnt an awful lot just about life by being involved in music.
I stopped playing the violin at 16, but I kept up with choir, which has turned out to be one of the biggest joys of my life.

TBH I think practice is a lot easier now than it was when I first learned. YouTube and streaming apps make it so much easier to play along to a professional recording of the piece you are learning, slow it down, loop passages that you are working on etc. it’s a complete no-brainer as far as I am concerned but I still hear of teachers who disapprove of it.

We were lucky enough to have a proper Suzuki violin teacher near us. Dh played also and attended both sets of lessons each week and supervised all their practice. It wasn't always without stress, in fact it was often a bit stressy but one child is at a very good conservatoire now and the other at specialist music school.

Suzuki method involves lots of playing with others, has lovely repertoire and is generally quite fun. It became part of both kids life in a very positive way. They both achieved a reasonable level young enough to join in good orchestras at an early age, which helped.

There is a Suzuki joke - you only have to practise on the days that you eat. Think we found it funnier than our kids did 😂. They are glad now though and both have announced they will do the same with their own kids. It was a privilege that Dh was able to spare the time, and that he was already a musician, I do realise that. Lots of the children at the specialist school are the children of music teachers, which is indicative of the level of knowledge it is useful for parents to have!