Bed time with 4yo is hell, please help

[Hernamesnoelle]

My 4yo daughter will not go to sleep at night. She has a consistent routine of bath/shower, Pj's, Little bit of quiet play in her room, stories in her bed and then I try and aim for lights out at around 7:30.

I tuck her in and give her a kiss and then it begins - I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, I need a toy, I need a different toy, I don't want the duvet on me etc etc etc. When I leave the room she follows me. I take her back to bed and she gets up again and again. This lasts for hours and I keep snapping and end up making threats like no tv time tomorrow, we won't do x tomorrow because you will be too tired but she just laughs at me and carries on messing around.

I end every single day feeling like a crap parent, she's not getting enough sleep and DH and I are both fed up with not getting any time to relax in the evening.

She struggles to get up in the morning and I have to wake her, then she's cranky in the morning but by the time the following bedtime rolls around she's like the duracell bunny again.

Please someone tell me what I can do to make this better.

The best thing I ever read was bedtime is hard because you are tired and you want it done and dusted. This changed how I view bedtime (not that I am a saint and have endless patience).

Does she have a Tonie box or yoto to listen to? Bedtime for me changed when I brought one for my son as he can listen to something after we have done stories and cuddles. It also gives you a length of time - come out when your story finishes and often he is asleep.

Is your daughter ready for bed at 7.30? My son is a night owl and there is no point putting him to bed before 8/8.30. Still means he needs waking up for school as late as possible and doesn’t help my daughter is a morning lark 😒😒😒

Stay in the room with her until she's asleep?

Lie in bed with her until she falls asleep.

The tonie box suggestion is good. I’d personally avoid staying in her room/bed until she’s asleep as it’s just a habit to break further down the line!

I read something similar and it transformed how I saw bedtime. I started to see it as a matter of empathy with my son - he didn't want the day to end as he was having so much fun, he didn't want to leave me for the night, he didn't want to go to sleep because it was boring.

I, on the other hand, just wanted it over with because I was looking forward to having time to myself. When I started to look at it from his pov, it somehow gave me more patience and understanding of what he was feeling, and also let me explain bedtime to him in a way that he understood (that sleeping will help him have lots of fun tomorrow; I'm downstairs if he needs me)

Obviously it depends on your child's character but I found shifting my mindset helped me massively at that age