Is this gender disappointment?

[CareBear17]

I feel terrible that I’m feeling this. So so guilty,

I just had our 4th baby 5 days ago. A little boy. We already have 2 boys and a girl and didn’t find out what we were having. I genuinely didn’t think I cared. Most people around me were telling me they thought girl but I really did expect a boy.

Ended up with an emergency section (had an elective booked but went into labour before) and it all happened very quickly and I was really overwhelmed.

Anyway DS arrived, over the moon. Felt great but a few days later my mum told me my daughter told her she wanted a sister. DD has been totally fine, loves baby brother and always wanting to give him cuddles etc but since that comment I feel so sad she’ll never have a sister. I keep crying about it, then feeling sad over silly things like I won’t be buying girl clothes again, won’t be buying dolls and barbie’s for girls to play with together (I know there’s no guarantee another girl would even like these things). I just can’t shake this sadness that I’m only doing the girl thing once and she won’t get to experience having a sister.

I am so in love with my baby boy and I feel terrible I feel this way. I just don’t know how to shake this feeling. I want to get rid of it and just enjoy my 4 beautiful children because I know I’m so unbelievably lucky to have them

Your Mum shouldn't have said anything to you, because it's irrelevant if your daughter wanted a sister or not. It's not a situation you or anyone else can do anything about, so it was pointless in telling you. I think this is likely post-baby hormones. You are hormonal and feeling sensitive. Have you spoken to your husband regarding how you feel? I think it may be good to speak to your HV, and explain how you feel. Your daughter's life isn't going to be ruined because she has 3 brothers, and no sisters, she will be just fine!

a) Congratulations!!!
b) Your mother is an idiot to say that (sorry, but she is)
c) This is just the baby blues. I cried over utter nonsense at this stage!
d) Congratulations!!!

Baby blues. Your hormones are peak crazy right now. It'll be fine in a few days. Congratulations!

Your mum should have kept that to herself.

My dd was hoping for a sister but was delighted when the sexing scan revealed that she was going to have a brother. I know it’s hard not to dwell because of the hormones but it sounds like she is delighted with the new addition. Congratulations 🎉

Why can’t you play dolls with your sons? I have with mine, my brother also loved playing with them (I hated it but played with him as I knew he loved doing it). There are so many women who have never had a sister and I don’t think they feel they’ve missed out. I have a sister, I’m not close to her at all. We get on fine, just very different personality-wise. We’ve never done anything remotely ’girly’ together.

I think you’re a bit too focused on gender stereotypes and that might be why your daughter wanted a sister. People are so individual and it doesn’t do anyone any favours reducing them to harmful gender stereotypes.

Hormones are such a bitch! I thought all kinds of irrational things PP. Your mother is out of order. I think it's really fun being the only girl in a load of boys. Congratulations!

@Brelim tbh we actually aren’t as a household. I think it’s just where my head is at the moment. All the kids play with a huge mix of stuff. All the toys are pretty much ‘communual’. DS1 regularly plays Gabby’s dollhouse & loves having his nails painted. DS2 loves pushing the dolls pram around and DD enjoys playing cars. We actually aren’t a very gendered household though I know my post sounds that way but I think it’s just the way my head is right now.

Thank you everyone, I think I needed some reassurance that it’s just baby blues and will settle. I feel so guilty because I don’t wish my baby to be anything other than who he is but can’t shake these emotions. Not helped by the midwife today who said ‘oh your poor daughter’ when I told her I had 3 boys and a girl.

@CareBear17
I am so sorry your midwife said that to you. It’s completely unprofessional and I hope, when you are in a better headspace, you make a complaint (if you feel you can). She shouldn’t be speaking like that to vulnerable women (and we are vulnerable after giving birth). It’s absolutely disgusting.

No it’s just postnatal hormones, in a few days you’ll feel much better about it all.
Your mum shouldn’t have said something so insensitive, and the midwife’s comment is awful!

When my eldest DD was born one midwife said to my DH “don’t worry we’ll see you in a couple of years for your boy” we were both so stunned we didn’t reply!

Kindly, it's your hormones.
And also kindly, I was the one girl with 3 brothers and I had a wonderful childhood. I would like a sister now in adulthood but I never noticed or missed having one as a child.
I bossed my brothers around and made them the characters in all my games... it was great!

I think you are still in the middle of the hormone crash and it’s combined with your mum being very insensitive.

One of my daughters wanted my youngest child to be a unicorn. Sadly she will never get to experience having a baby unicorn for a sibling.

My dd cried when her brother was born. Already had an older brother and she felt he had won!
Grown up now and herself and her younger brother have always been great friends. Also she has a huge amount of girl friends who are far closer than a sister might have been.
I think if that hadn't made you cry something else would have . Be interesting sometime to get a list of all the things we all cried over when our babies were days old!
Congrats on your gorgeous new baby.

Aww, bless you. This isn't genuine gender disappointment, as others have said, it's just hormones. Also, your mum's a plonker!

What on earth is going on that someone can be a midwife and be so unprofessional! I know they are overworked, but it doesn't give them more time to be nasty. I agree I'd make a complaint.

Thank you everyone.

DS is 11 days now and i’m feeling a little better though the teariness still creeps in on and off. Spent today with my DD and her cousins (all girls, 3 sisters) and feeling a little sad again that she’s my only girl and has no sisters but like I said before, love my boys to bits and wouldn’t change them for the world. I think it’s a little bit hormones and a little bit knowing it’s our last baby so that chapter is closed and it’s definite that there’s no more girls. Not that I had any particular preference and have no desire to have another baby either. irrational feeling because I really am happy with what I have.