Hello
This is my first time posting and appreciate any advice offered 🙂
I have a 16 year old son. He has/had a very close friend, and they have been very close since early primary school days.
My son attends a vocational dance school so lives away- when he went away him and said friend just adapted. They would spend lots of time together when he was here, they would talk alot on the phone etc, go on holiday together. So pretty solid friendship.
My son said his friend had ups and downs with her friend group, but her friend group has since become secure.
My son is really happy for her, about this.
But- this friend, in the past year or so, has become, i would say, no longer available for my son. He has tried to call her, message her and she does not respond. He sends her snaps and nothing. He has not seen her since February. He bumped into her and they had awkward encounter in the summer and they talked about meeting up, and this has not happened. He messaged her this half term and asked for 20 minutes even, she said she is too busy.
My son is aware said friend has told people her and my son have drifted have have different friend groups. He is hurt by this, as it is irrelevant- his friend group aren't even in the local area!
He has cried about this situation- he feels upset and confused. He cried when he saw her in the summer, saying things weren't the same (they have always had a very deep emotional connection but the more recent times they were together my son said she was distracted etc).
When it was initialy happening, me and my son had a really honest discussion, in which he talked about how happy he was for her that she is settled in her friend group. I encouraged him to be open about how he was feeling (he has a habit of putting others before himself) and he was heartbroken, saying while he is happy for her, there is no room for him anymore.
After the awkward encounter, he was hopeful about them meeting. He wants to talk to her about how he is feeling. She has told him she is too busy. I am worried he is downplaying his own needs and wishes at this point, because of her actions which is not okay.
Up until now, i have been supporting him and guiding him from background.
However, whilst i am sensitive to the fact that she is a teenager and has inevitably done what teenagers do in thinking their friends are their whole world, i am angry and upset that once again my son is left out in the cold by a person that he holds so dear.
Due to concerns around my sons wellbeing, i want to step in, but what i am asking is what others would do in this situation?
I have also focused on supporting my son fill his cup in other ways to distract from this situation, but he is deeply hurt by this.
I am very good friends with my sons friends mum. I am aware that she is pro letting the kids sort their friendships out- i am to a certain degree and i suppose they are of an age where they can. But this is having an impact on my son now and i cannot sit by anymore.