Am I being too soft ??

[Grandad64]

Ok, my 1st post so please be gentle (ish)
Myself and my 8yr old grandaughter who lives with me due to her mums addictions, namely alcohol but this can include class A drugs too 😔 moved in with my partner in August last year and all was well, my grandaughter settled into her new school really good and we just got on as any normal family does.
Just lately tho in the last month or so my partner has started saying my Gd is disrespecting her all the time and that I do too much for my Gd ie: brushing her long hair, helping her shower/bath ( my partner says she should be doing this herself) and just generally doing stuff for her that comes naturally to me.My partner says I am just setting myself up for problems in the future and that if it continues with the disrespecting we are probably going to have to seperate as she won't have that in her own home.
My partner has never had any children of her own as she never felt maternal in her early years.
I would just like to add that my Gd in my eyescis just a normal child who is actually a lot better behaved than a lot of her peers and I am always told this at school meetings etc..
Any advice will be very greatfully received, either good or critical.

I think you're doing the right things.

Obviously encourage independence where you can. Show her how to brush her long hair and how to bathe herself, but it might take her a while before she's comfortable.

Whether or not your granddaughter seems affected by her mother, she will be, and I think you're being a fantastic support for her. Of course you'll be a little softer on her than most grandparents would be to their grandchildren, but I assume that this is because you have empathy and understand her feelings and therefore allow leeway.

As long as she does have boundaries, and consequences for not following those boundaries, you're doing a fantastic job

Your partner needs to butt out. Your GD has had so much upheaval.

My DD is 8 and I still help with hair brushing, bathing etc
If you think she is being ‘disrespectful’ then work out a reasonable and proportionate consequence but I don’t see anything wrong with helping her with things. It sounds like your partner may just resent your granddaughter being there?

It sounds like you're being a caring person in place of her mother. You're doing absolutely fine, your partner sounds insensitive and intolerant. She probably wants you to herself and resents your GD's presence.

I feel like your partner doesnt want her there. You're not doing anything wrong as far as your granddaughter goes and you sound like a lovely person just doing his best.

Thank You for the replies from everybody, I kind of had similiar thoughts myself as far as jealousy goes but don't really have anybody to air them to so the answers from you all are very welcome and go a ways to helping me make up my mind fir the future..
Thank You...

You sound a lovely grand parent. Please take this as a warning your wife is jealous. Your grand daughter has been through a lot of trauma and is still very young.

You sound a lovely grand parent. Please take this as a warning your wife is jealous. Your grand daughter has been through a lot of trauma and is still very young.