To not want anything to do with a family member.

[Notwiththebullshizz]

Not really sure what I'm looking for here, maybe yes you're right to do that or perhaps you're a horrible person.

I have a brother who I don't really get on with. His life choices cause a lot of devastating problems for all involved. He has a very 'look at me, im the best' attitude and looks down on everyone else for most choices.

We couldn't be further apart personality wise. I'm happy to go around charity shops, shop in Primark for clothes for me and my family and love spending wholesome time walking through woodlands/forests with my kids and partner as opposed to going to high end restaurants or spending loads of money unnecessarily.

The issue is, my brother has a daughter and his daughter is a little madam. She is very entitled (I understand this isn't really her fault considering her dad) but she is also rude about others and what they dont have. I have 2 kids who just can't tolerate her rudeness, unkind words and hate how stuck up and entitled she acts... They've said she makes them feel embarrassed when they're out and she was rude at our home about a year ago and they've not moved on from that.

My brother messaged recently and asked to meet up, saying something along the lines of "we need to put away whatever we have going on and let the girls meet, they're family after all"... My issue is, I'd tolerate them both for the sake of my kids... But my kids really don't want anything to do with them as they're both very rude and unkind... Am I right to just keep our peace and avoid. He IS NOT the type of person who would be able to discuss this amicably, he would say horrible things as he is someone who cannot take the truth very well unfortunately.

Anyway, if you've gotten this far, thanks!

I think the important thing to consider is your own DC and how they are made to feel by their cousin. It is not ok for them to be made feel inferior or embarrassed in their own home (or anywhere else for that matter).
You are not obligated to have a relationship with your brother or your niece, and neither are your DC.
If you can’t discuss the issue of your niece’s poor behaviour, then just don’t agree to meet up.
Will there be times when they meet at family gatherings? It might be wise to have an agreed response to any comments made by your brother or niece.

Thanks for the reply, I really appreciate it. To answer you question, no, we are a small family and he has caused so many problems with his attitude and destructive behaviours that our parents don't have anything to do with him either, neither does our brother. We have never been massively close family anyway, I have always been the one whose tried to keep communication open but I had a sudden light bulb moment, about a year ago where I sat and wondered WHY I've always such a people pleaser and why I always put my thoughts and feelings aside to keep the peace. So that was me setting a boundary to keep my family and myself mentally sane to be honest. It does trickle in sometimes "am I being mean? Should I just give them another chance etc etc?" But I know deep down what will happen again. I don't know, I feel quite guilty for some reason but also, don't want to put my children in a position where they're forced to be around someone they don't actually like being around.

I am a reformed people pleaser. I had to put in firm boundaries with certain family members for the sake of my sanity - that ultimately resulted in going NC with them.
Life is actually so much better not having those people (who I felt like I was walking on eggshells when in their company) in my life.

No, just leave things as they are.

I'd just say no. You don't get on, your kids don't like his kid. What exactly is the point?

You wouldn't be friends if you weren't related.

Oh absolutely not, he is just not the type of person I would chose to spend my time with. He is heavily into drugs an alcohol and often bashes others for living boring mediocre lives... You know, where you go to work and spend time at home with your family 😆🤦

I’d kick the can down the road, say your DC are very busy just now maybe later on when they have more spare time.

How old are the children?

I think you should say 'Yes, that's a good idea in theory, but the problem is that DN has (understandably) picked up many of your attitudes and expresses them to my kids, and that makes them feel like complete shit. So I don't think they will necessarily benefit from the connection in the way you think they will.'

Use those exact words and leave it open, see what he comes back with. Probably fuck off but you never know..

I really want to HAHA this post. It would go more along the lines of "yeah well your kids are fuking scabs who wear dogsit clothes and are ugly and stupid anyway". 🤣😆. He's really not good at hearing the truth 🤦

My girls are 12 and 9 his daughter is 8

OK well in that case why are you even asking? He's a certified and demonstrable cunt.

TBH, he sounds completely toxic (so unsurprising his daughter is turning out to be awful). I'd just be blunt and draw a firm boundary. "We won't be able to meet up any time soon. There's a big personality mismatch between DN and DDs right now, and DDs do not seem to enjoy being around DN (because of comments about x) so I think it's best if we wait until they're a bit older."

Or just go with "you're a prick, your daughter is a mini-prick, so that's a no from us."

You owe him nothing. You don't owe him time or a relationship just because you are blood related. Would you be sad if you never saw him again? If the idea only brings you peace.... just put yourself first and avoid him forever.