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Please help 8 year old girl advice

5 replies

ThisAvidCrow · 02/11/2025 01:13

My daughters behaviour has always been challenging - demanding/tantrums ect but always put it down to second child/more difficult girls syndrome. But we have just returned from the holiday of a lifetime all built around her wants- and to be frank her behaviour ruined it. The behaviour ranges from complete disobedience, to baby voice all day, to biting and barking at us when she is told off, to being hyperactive and talking in a foreign accent (German) constantly,asking to be carried 100 times. I would call it as it is and call her a spoiled brat but she has so many more issues like a tic, anxiety, social issues. I work with teenage girls every day - I have realistic expectations about her behaviour but this week has shown me exactly how badly she behaves for us. Starting to really affect my 10 year old boy- he wished in a wishing Well this week she would behave well so we would all stop being so stressed 🥲 I really don’t think she is autistic. As I say I work with girls every day - I’m a teacher who refers kids for autism diagnosis but I appreciate it’s a spectrum. The difficult think is she is so well behaved in school, appreciate she could be masking but she also tells me she is good because there are consequences. 🙃 there are consequences at home, we have barred her from party’s, run a gold star scheme. Etc but nothin seems to make a consistent improvement. I can’t pretend this is a phase anymore, please help with advice x

OP posts:
mikado1 · 02/11/2025 05:47

Why are you so sure she isn't autistic? Would it be worth an assessment for peace of mind?
I had an 8yo who could be like this at times, bar the barking and like your dd, consequence or rewards didn't bother him and knowing this I didn't waste too much time on it. Have you read the Explosive Child? Might be worth reading. Are there times when all is well? What was she like as a toddler? There was a lot of siblings rivalry in our situation imo, despite massive efforts on my part when dc2 arrived. Maybe too much in hindsight.
I do think 8-10 was really hard. My dc is now 14 and a pleasure.. with no diagnosis. Things settled, relationship was prioritised, I probably took a slightly harder no nonsense line and consequences that happened were related to the offence and immediate. The main thing is we stayed close and loving. I wish you all the best. It is stressful.

ProfessorRizz · 02/11/2025 06:53

Everything you describe sounds like ASD/ADHD. Girls mask in school and unmask when they can relax.

User69611 · 02/11/2025 09:32

Sounds Autism/ADHD with demand avoidant profile. Very different in girls and they mask as poster above says, safe to be themselves around you with all their quirks and struggles. Being on holiday is also unsettling hence why behaviours may have been even more amplified than usual. I'd talk to the SENCO in school about what you see at home, even though they don't see it at school, to discuss.

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Ukholidaysaregreat · 02/11/2025 09:35

OMG! Text book girl autism I would say. Plus masking at school and melt downs at home where she feels 'safe' to be herself.

ThisAvidCrow · 02/11/2025 11:50

She was a very difficult toddler but can be the best behaved most helpful child now when she chooses. Thank, I will read and yes I can’t be sure so think it might be time for an assessment x

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