Anyone else have a DD like this??! Potty training

[Edenmum2]

We have a complicated history with DD - she started withholding poo last year and was awful, consequently is very wary of potty (she sat on it a lot during that period to try and help it out but she was always distressed) That situation is now more or less under control so we’ve started potty training with intent (she’s 3.5)

she’s done really well to be fair, only a couple of accidents in 3 days, but she is still not ever actually wanting to sit on the potty. She will basically hold and hold until bursting and then we’ll have 30 mins of trying to convince her to let it go and then she’ll reluctantly go when she literally can’t hold any longer. She went 4 hours this morning. She absolutely can’t wee on demand. I think it’s the ‘letting go’ that’s not clicking with her.

I just don’t know how we tackle going out and about - it’s such a battle to get any wees out of her, I can’t imagine just taking a carry potty out and plonking her on like I see all my friends doing. Do I just let her have accidents out and about until she gets it? I just feel like I’m badgering her at the moment and she’s getting negative associations again. Every time I’ve asked her if she needs to go in 3 days she’s said no, even when it’s patently obvious she does.

Do I just back right off and let her navigate it herself? Or keep talking her through it? It’s SUCH a minefield! (FTM in case you couldn’t tell!)

Both of mine couldn’t pee on demand. But then DH says he still gets pee-shy, so I think it’s just how some people are.

We carried a potty everywhere, including taking her own potty to nursery. We also took the pressure off by having set occasions where EVERYONE goes, plus added low key humour. So everyone goes to the loo in the morning to wash out the germs, and everyone - even DH if the kids are around - gets asked if they’re reasonably full at the top and empty at the bottom before we go out or go to bed. That try before we go out happens regardless of whether they think they need it, and no comment us made on how long it takes or how little they do.

it took time.

I would just leave her to it if at all possible as you telling her she needs to go is giving her something to fight against. Could you have a sticker chart so she gets a sticker for each successful visit and 10 stickers gets a small gift. Have some sweets or mini figures ready.

Thank you, great suggestions.

it’s just the constant denial that she needs to go that gets to me! Especially if we need to be somewhere, it’s so hard not to get frustrated but I know that’s on me. I think you’re right, time is the key

Yes definitely, she’s saying no she doesn’t need a wee almost as a reflex now! Such a battle!

will try the sticker chart thank you

This is contraversial but incentives can work. Mine wasn't allowed to watch TV but saw Peppa Pig at a friend's house and kept asking for 'piggies' In desperation, I said that if you poop in the potty, you can watch piggies. They literally immediately ran to the potty and did one.

DD1 we trained at 2.5 in a week and she was rewarded with a chocolate button every time she went. DD2 was less than a month away from starting school and had actually turned 4 when she finally decided to get with it. She knew perfectly well what to do just didn’t want to until she was ready and refused point blank to try.

I’m definitely no stranger to bribery! But what did you do when you had to go out for the day and knew they would need a wee at some point? Or am I just being too ambitious at this point?

Possibly just a bit ambitious for now. A couple of weeks of shorter trips and things will probably be easier. I would definitely use bribes also

Chuck the potty, she’ll be on the big side, and go straight to a toddler toilet seat.

lots of great suggestions on this thread. Good luck.