Benefits of two year age gap.

[apr1989]

Hi all,

Please can people tell me the benefits of a two year sibling age gap. I have two little boys, 25 months apart and I am finding it all so overwhelming. Both have been bad sleepers, so I am struggling with sleep deprivation too.

I feel sad as I want to enjoy these days with my boys so much but I'm finding it so exhausting and hard.

I am full of regret about not waiting another year as I think a three year age gap would have been easier.

I need to hear some positive stories, perhaps from parents who are further down the line. Is it easier/more enjoyable at 3yrs and 5yrs for example?

I love my boys dearly, they are my whole world but I keep wishing time away and I'm so sad about it.

three year gap here! I found it very tough as baby two arrived mid tantrum season!

I suspect each age gap has advantages and disadvantages- I feel like in a few years time they’ll be ok playing together better than a bigger gap!

There are challenges with all age gaps. It will get easier. One benefit is that you will be out the other side sooner!

I had 3 under 5, it was intense at times but not awful. They grew up as best friends and still are now as adults.

It's v hard when they're preschoolers OP, that's a fact. Mine are 23 months apart and it was just like that for me too.

The benefits when they get a bit older is that they enjoy similar things and days out, holidays etc suit both of them. Also when they have friends round to play they all play together and enjoy each other's company

Mine are now 19 and 17 and are pretty close. They laugh about the same things and get each other totally. They went abroad on holiday this summer together and had a blast.

Hang on in there, it will definitely get easier x

@apr1989 I think we get the gaps that nature affords us. I had a three and a half year gap and it was relatively measured and easy. A boy and a girl. They are 27 and 30 now and very close.

Whilst I never had to do what I termed as industrial childcare, when other mums had one starting school and one at nursery, I was still pushing the pram. Also, mine were both dreadful sleepers until about 3.5/4 so the sleepless nights lasted for at least seven years.

There's no right or wrong way but this will pass and milestones will be reached relatively quickly.

Lots of benefits! Mine are 18 months apart. The sleepless nights era is over quicker and having them at the same stage is so much easier - like 1 nursery drop off, 1 primary school drop off etc. They like doing the same type of things now and for the moment they are pretty close. It was very hard at the start but you do get through it. Mine are 14 and 12 now.

Mine are 21m apart.

Good stuff

My career took one big hit now youngest is 18m and moving to new role at new company.

Now youngest can talk / understand more they can start to play together.

I can now think about "re-finding myself" style wise/ life wise.

I can see the end of nappylife. Daylight is in touching distance - woo hoo!

I wont have years of overlapping childcare / education settings so I wont be dealing with primary school drop offs for 15-20 years.

Holidays - similar ages are easier to entertain together vs trying to humour a 14 and 8 yr old...

And lots more...

It gets easier! You essentially are raising one age group. All clubs and activities are geared towards 3-5, 5-7 and so on and most places have been very flexible and take both kids. Which then gave me an hour here or there. Going to the cinema, playground, soft play etc ----is easy as they are both into it. Same for holidays. They are so close because they are mostly into the same things. I absolutely love it but do remember the early years being very difficult. Take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself. They will barely remember these years so go with whatever works.

The positive thing is that the ‘in the trenches’ phase will be over sooner and the horror of the sleep deprivation will become a hazy memory ❤️

22 month age gap, one of the benefits is they like to play the same games. Mental difference between the two isn’t huge as the second seems so advanced because she learns so much watching her sister. Days out are easy as they both like the same thing.
Mine are four and two now and while it is hard still we have glimmers of light especially on the mornings after we have finally managed a full nights sleep.

The two year age gap is very popular at the moment but i think that is due to people maybe having children in mid to late 30s so have them in quicker succession (potentially less option of a 4 year age gap).

We're coming close to the perfect age gap for us (4 years) where if i had another child, child 1 would be in school. Sort of can't be arsed though as she's such a handful on her own!

I have two boys with just over a 24 month gap, but the way the birthdays fall they are 3 academic years apart!

Two year age gap is great as they grow up, they have similar interests, and can do the same things - it’s lovely to see them together now (age 18 & 20). And they (usually) got on so well together when growing up.

Three-year school gap I have found less beneficial, as it gets to year 10 onwards, as the exam year cycles just seem to go on forever!

As a family, we seem to have been in the trenches with GCSEs, then following year yr12 ucas exams (mocks that give you predicted grades for uni applications, so very important), then following year A levels, then following year GCSEs (again), then following year yr 12 ucas exams, and are now just coming into yr 13 mocks and final exams over the next 5 months. So this is our sixth consecutive year of really important exams in the house… which means reduced family holidays away (as kids have said they can’t focus while away), and revision taking over the hols….

I think a two year age gap and school gap is better, as the exam year cycles are more in sync!

I think you get the benefits once the younger is about 3 and there are lots of things that work well for both of them.

Nursery fees. You shouldn't need to pay for two at once for that long, and should get benefit of 'free' hours for eldest once youngest is on full whack. They're still similar enough in age to play together/ get on. When they're teen/ tween the older sibling can walk the youngest places.

21 month apart boys here

it was HARD WORK

I don’t remember the first couple of years of having two, I was that exhausted. I didn’t sleep properly for 5 years and that is not an exaggeration

However, it most definitely gets easier as they get older. They are 10 and 12 now and although not best mates are broadly into the same stuff

most of my (and their) friends have bigger gaps but I wouldn’t change a thing. DH says similar about him and his brother who have similar gap.

It's the perfect gap imo.

You have a difficult first year or two but after that it gets easier and easier. From about 5 upwards mine were a joy. Even as toddlers although it was hard work in many ways it was easier than just having one because they just played endlessly together. Yes there was falling out and giddiness but the years of role play were brilliant.
When they're older it works well with schools and exams and eventually uni.

Ah bless you. I have a 26 month gap and the first 2 years were so hard, I felt burned out all the time. Also both not the best sleepers and both quite busy/high energy. I had pregnancy insomnia both times too so didn’t really sleep for about 5 years. I couldn’t leave them in a room alone together for about 2 years because something would happen. But now they’re turning 5 and 3 and it’s much better and I’m glad for the gap because they can do things together, they play independently and together, days out are geared to the same age group, they’re more of a team. Close family went for the 3 year and kids aren’t at the same stage to play together and probably won’t be for a while.

It’s really hard in the trenches, I didn’t feel joy with them much for ages but it definitely gets better.

My boys were two years apart. The hardest bit was right at the start, potty training the older while breastfeeding the younger. After that it was great. Being similar ages meant they had similar interests, enjoyed similar toys, days out, etc. They grew up close and good friends, and still are as adults. If you can get through the early years you've got it made, in my experience - hope it is the same for you.

There are 2yrs2mths between my oldest and middle child and 1yr11mths between my middle and youngest child. Having three children with the oldest having just turned 4 was very hard at the begining. When my youngest was born my middle child had still never slept through a night and would still need rocking to sleep every night - it later turned out he had sleep apnea and needed surgery to help with his sleep but that didn't happen until he was 3.5yrs old. I was exhausted the first few years.

Now they are 7, 5 and 3 things are so much easier. They play with each other lots and are very close.

The first few years are really tough and sleep deprivation is a killer, but there is light at the end of the tunnel

Mine are very nearly 3 and very nearly 5. The pros are:

• They now play properly together (some of the time!). It's adorable to watch their little imaginations come alive and seeing them giggle together is my favourite thing ever

-They enjoy the same activities so days out/holidays can centre both equally (friends with bigger age gaps often complain that it's tricky to find something age appropriate for everyone)

-They like a lot of the same toys so some things like toy kitchens, board games, and garden toys can be shared

-The littlest is never short of hand me downs and is super confident from playing with older children all his life.

-My eldest is super caring and empathetic. This might just be his personality, but I think having a younger sibling when he was tiny helped.

-Nappies and breastfeeding are finished for both of them... I couldn't imagine starting again now!

It's hard too, sometimes I feel like a referee but I do think it gets (slowly!) easier.

It totally depends on your kids and yourself I think and there will be good and bad phases throughout. Mine are 25 months apart and I find most of the time they play together so sweetly that I love the fact they are so close in age. All the other family and friends with bigger age gaps didn’t play together as much as my girls seem to, but that could be personality not the gap itself. It does help that they have similar interests with this gap, but my youngest does try to do everything her big sister does which can be a nightmare as she isn’t old enough to manage so she gets frustrated. I am told even with a 9 yr age gap that can happen though.

Wow, thanks for so many lovely messages. Some really positive points that I hadn't thought of. Feeling much better about things right now. 😊😊😊😊

I thought the worst bit was one doing A levels the same year the other one was doing GCSEs but with 25 months that might not be an issue.

Mine are 3 years, 2 months apart but 4 school years...which meant they were never in the same school for more than a year together. And it seemed to make the gap seem bigger. Now 1 has gone to uni , im grateful of a 4 academic year gap!