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3.5y old refuses to do no.2 in toilet ...... help

15 replies

silk239 · 21/01/2005 20:57

My daughter is potty trained but refuses to do a poo in the toilet! She has been a constipated baby since birth and I suspect it has alot to do with that. I have tried 20 different potties and still nothing. I have tried softening her stools with medicine etc ...... She is dry at night and attends a nursery school half day. I was hoping she would observe other children but nothing .......... she still demands her pull-up nappies! What to do?

OP posts:
Gobbledigook · 21/01/2005 21:04

Join the club!

I'm afraid I can't help you as I have exactly the same problem.

DS1 is 3.10 - he was dry last January and went straight to doing poos on potty and toilet no problem. Around April had a terrible incident of constipation where he was in tears for over 3 hours trying to poo and since then we can't get him to poo on the loo for love nor money! For ages he would hold it in until he had his pull up on at night but we finally got him on the potty by literally pinning him down screaming (cuddling and reassuring him all the time) when we knew he wasn't constipated, thinking it would only take one easy poo on the potty to 'cure' him. It worked and he's been on the potty since but I still can't get him on the toilet for poos, only wees.

Don't know how to get round this tbh - got to sort it by September as he can't have a potty at school!!

RTKangaMummy · 21/01/2005 21:05

I am a childminder and the mindee who has just left to go to school did this he would wait until it was nap time and do itin the pull up

We his mum and me decided it was because he was frightened to go in toilet or potty

In the end after us just ignoring it he decided that he would go in toilet

Sorry dont have any contructive advice

But my answer will bump it up for others to see and maybe have the answer

Good Luck

Rosebudz · 22/01/2005 01:26

Often after a child has had a bad constipation episode it will put them off for a very long time.
Not talking days or weeks... can often be for months.

They remember that pain and discomfort each time they feel the need to do a poo, and then hold it, if this pattern keeps up for too long the trouble can really start.

It is very important to keep their poo soft, you may need to use Lactulose regularly if they have ongoing constipation.

Lactulose is extremley safe, there is absolutley no problem for daily,long term use (for months @ a time), so if you need to use it for your children or yourself for that matter do so without any fear of becoming dependant on WILL NOT happen!

If constipation is ongoing it can become ENCOPRESIS, My 5.7 year old is just starting to get over this. It has taken nearly a year. I would suggest you google encopresis so you can begin to understand it.

I am not saying EVERY child that gets constipated will get encopresis, but SOME will.

Just keep the poo soft, and on the whole try to not make too big an issue of it, better out than in no matter where!

silk239 · 22/01/2005 19:49

Thanks for all the advice. I will try all your tips ... wish me luck! x

OP posts:
Rosebudz · 22/01/2005 20:44

Another idea our paediatrician mentioned to me was to make sure the toilet/bathroom is welcoming to the child.

Often when a child first starts school the problems can kick in too, I redid one toilet at our school,it was so ridiculous having an adult size toilet for brand new wee kiddies, put on fill in seat, a stool and some pictures for them to look at!

We are planning to put a whiteboard and markers on the wall beside the toilet for our wee girl, she has only been on the mend for the last 2 weeks, don't want things to go back to where we were, that was nightmare stuff.
BTW...Good luck!

milosmum · 25/02/2005 16:30

Can Someone please help!

My little man has just turned 4. Since the age of 2 1/2 he has been excellent at going to the loo-not a single wet bed! But these past few weeks hes been pooing his pants both at school and at home. it is very frustrating and i am trying my best not to get angry with him but both me and his father dispair! the school is also getting a little concerned but nothing out of the ordinary has happened or altered for him to do this.....please help!

DecafArabica · 25/02/2005 19:10

Hi silk239 and milosmum, I know how you feel although cannot offer much constructive advice as DS still does a fair few poos in his pants. He's 4 in April and has never been comfortable with pooing either in toilet or in the potty--it seems every successfully placed poo is the result of much persuasion/bribery (we had a chart and he knows he gets a lovely new Thomas duvet cover when he's filled in all the spaces, but he doesn't seem to want it enough to make a difference especially when we are out). We try to be nonchalant about it but if we don't say anything then he just poos his pants & I'm not a saint, there are times when I get a bit cross and tell him I'm sick of pooey knickers.
Oh, and he's also terrified of hand-driers in public toilets so we have big problems getting him in loos in first place!
He did do the classic thing of holding on to his poo for as long as possible then being unable to hold it back any more. But (thanks to homeopath) he seems to be over that phase.
HTH although you probably wanted to hear more from someone who had resolved this issue!

Gobbledigook · 25/02/2005 19:12

BTW - still not got ds1 on the toilet for poos. We went to a party on Sunday and I'm not kidding, we had to drive him home to use the potty as he wouldn't go on the loo there. DH drove him home for a poo and drove him back - I was so embarrassed.

milosmum · 25/02/2005 19:41

hi all- ive had the reward chart going for 6 weeks now (if he gets 3 stickers in a week he gets to pick a treat- 1 sticker per poo on the loo) but all of a sudden it just stopped working! He did it that bad in school the other day that they had the throw his undies away- oh the shame of it! -Thats why ive been looking into anything in his life that has changed to affect him this much- but nothing has..... i supposed persiverance is the best option i just dont want him still doing this for years to come.

DecafArabica · 25/02/2005 22:32

I think it's probably a more widespread problem (the pooing in the wrong place, not the poo itself!) than we embarrassed mums think it is. I know I've seen lots of other similar posts in the past.
DS won't poo at the childminders, never has--luckily he only goes 3 mornings a week and so far no pooey pants there yet! In DS' case I was hoping school might help him because, unlike at the childminder's where he is the oldest boy, there he will be with other little boys the same age who poo in the loo and he may copy them. But it doesn't sound like this worked for your DS.

milosmum · 26/02/2005 07:52

No it didnt- he has a very weak stomach- so if theres a smell or someone has been and not flushed he will retch.... so at school thats obviously a common problem. So as far as school goes i think maybe that is a huge factor. Maybe the school thing will work for your little one?

DecafArabica · 26/02/2005 18:12

I do hope so! I think it's just something he has to work through in his own way and in his own time--it's just taking forever, and I'm forever in Woolworths buying industrial quantities of pants!

milosmum · 12/03/2005 08:48

Think theres been some kind of breakthrough . little man hasnt had an accident in his pants for almost 2 weeks! notcounting my chickens too soon though! but anything is better than nothing.....

teabelly · 15/03/2005 15:32


Just saw this thread...a friend of mine had this problem with her ds, and the Dr or HV suggested that she cut a hole in the nappy/pull-up to let the poo out, as he would sit on the toilet, but only with a nappy on to poo. After afew days of this he realised that he was actually pooing directly (in a way) into the toilet, and she was able to dispense with the nappy altogether. Not sure if this would work for you, but anythings worth a try at times like this...

milosmum · 15/03/2005 15:58

thanks for the advise-sounds like a pretty ggod idea but i dont want to go back to nappies as hes 4 and in nursery school. Since i last posted hes still been problem free... so mybe it was just a relapes! thanks

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