How can i handle my tearful 5yo dd not wanting to leave me?

[mrscraig]

My dd is a bright sensitive little girl who has always been 'clingy'. This has been her first year at school. To begin with she found the parting difficult but got better but this week she has had to be prised of me again. I work 3 days a week and so cm and my mum take her to school mon-wed - she is fine for them. But yesterday and today she has been v tearful . I also have similar probs with things like parties - i mostly have to stay.
This is such a tricky situation as i dont want to dismiss her feelings but she is a very habitual child and i dont want this to happen each time i try and drop her off.
I feel so guilty as well, as though my working has left her feeling abandoned. I also have a 3yo dd and i think sometimes she does feels she is missing out.
Would really appreciate any advice.

well firstly can I sympathise. My DS started in January and we had the same thing, reluctance at first which got lots better. After the Easter break I literally had to shove him in the door every morning and used to dread it. We tried talking to him about it at a quiet time and asked if it was school he was worried about but he said no it was that he missed us during the day. I set up a chart/reward system for every day he went in well for a week and encouraged some school friends to come over and play. It took a letter from Daddy (his favourite!) in his school trouser pocket to really be effective. Hope this helps but it's probably just the first week back and hopefully next week will be better?

dd1 was exactly the same

I pandered. There was no point trying to toughen her up, it just wasnt going to happen. I took her into the classroom every morning until she was in year 2. I was the only mother that had to do this and I am sure they thought I was a terrible 'panderer'. I also had to stay at parties. I gave up trying to change her.

It worked. She is 8.5 now and wonderfully self reliant and confident - she is still a worrier and that is never going to change, but I strongly believe that by helping her feel secure in the early years she has been able to blossom now. She is also very very good about looking after children younger than her who are worried about things .

Thank goodness I ignored all those who told me I was 'making a rod for my own back'. I got lots of support from mumsnet when I was ground down by it all also .

Thank you. She is a very sensitive little girl. I was similar when I was younger - still am. I see so much of her in myself and in a way that makes it more tricky as I would like her to have more confidence than i do. Talking about it to my mum, she said that at 5 children were never really expected to stay at parties alone or even go to them.
I like the idea of a reward chart I think she would respond to that.

sorry that should read ' see so much of me in her'. Am in a blurry mood today!

Once my dd1 really understood that I wouldnt leave her, ever, if she didnt want me to (at parties), she improved amazingly.

meant to say also that I would not leave my DS at at party at 5 anyway, not unless he asked me too. I personally don't think it's fair on the other parents to have to watch out for him/take him to the toilet etc.

i think as well that it is a big ask on the parents to care for 20 odd kids, most of whom they dont really know very well, on their own for 2 hours.
I would rather stay but feel that when so many parents do leave I should be doing the same.
Perhaps she senses my wavering. I dont want her to feel abandoned or like i am trying to get rid of her.
Thanks for the reassurance

it is very hard not to look at what everyone else is doing and compare yourself

but you are doing the right thing, I promise