Is this pnd

[LJ642]

Second dc2 is nearly 3 weeks old. EBF until feeding plan (see below). Had a challenging start - severe jaundice told to go straight to hospital post a routine midwife appointment to access if needed lightbox therapy. We didn’t but very close. Still losing weight day 9 put on feeding plan. I felt awful. I didn’t even know how to make a bottle. Also dc2 got a cold which I found stressful as so small. Now nearly back at birth weight so should be able to relax and come off feeding plan to continue bf. However I can’t stop crying I hate feeding dc2 and I notice i don’t react as quick to her cries as I did with dc1. I feel terrible as I can see this. I ebf dc1 for 12 months so feel pressure. I miss dc1.
after dc1 arrived I found it hard but was never teary. Dc2 is actually much easier than dc1 was despite above problems yet I feel I can’t cope

I remember the 3 weeks point with my son. I cried for nearly a week, I was just finding things so so hard. I was just so miserable, finding it hard to find joy as I was so tired and sleep deprived and stressed and worried and just, everything.

Every mum struggles with a second especially, of course you miss your first and need to recognize it's a very different experience with an older child in the mix.

Give yourself some grace and know you will get through this.

If it doesn't go away after some good sleep, it's probably the start of PND and you should see your GP or OB.

I’m not sure it’s so much PND (that often starts closer to 3 months) as that this is just really hard and hard things are hard.

My 1st was a very similar experience and it was really awful. I didn’t have PND (I did actually with my 2nd who was the easiest ever EBF baby, so go figure 🤷🏻‍♀️). But jaundice and losing weight and feeding plan and all the midwives with their scales making you feel awful is really, really hard. Mine didn’t regain her birth weight until day 26.

But you are in the thick of it now and it’s horrendous. It probably was kinda like this with your first but you won’t really remember. If it was me, I’d stick it out a bit longer. Things started to click at 3-4 weeks. And having both EBF and bottle fed, long term past these first weeks, breastfeeding was so much easier.

I would hang in there. Make sure your partner is taking over everything else with cooking and cleaning and taking baby so you can sleep. So all you need to do is feed and sleep. Do you have a breastfeeding group near you? My HV ran one that was excellent. Things will get easier in a few weeks.

Thank you both for your very helpful messages. I will try and hang in during this period.