Going insane with 2 under 2

[riverofjordan]

Sorry if this is too long or doesn't make great sense I'm too tired to keep re-reading it.....

Sahm to 2 under 2 , baby is 16 weeks now, it's just been a blur but mostly ok I think. She's just started to sleep 5-6hrs in the middle of the night sometimes. Feel like things are settling down. But then (I think in reaction to her suddenly being more alert and interested in ("his") toys) , 21mo has started massively acting out 😔

It's not just the tantrums and absolute meltdowns tho, he's also tired ALL the time. He slept 5 hours today and is going back to bed now looking exhausted. Within an hour or two of waking he's cranky like he's overdue for a nap. Black circles under his eyes. But he sleeps all night every night without a squeak. No appetite altho he constantly asks for snacks (but I don't give in, if I give them he doesn't eat them anyway). It's just like the way he is when he's tired, but it's all the time!

I can't settle baby for a nap because he has a total meltdown, I literally don't know what I'm going to do. This has gone on for a few days now, I've managed to do contact naps with all of us in front of the tv, but that makes his behaviour worse. He doesn't want baby on me, if we leave the house he has his meltdowns in public and also wakes baby up. Today my MIL took him for a bit but even that has exhausted him as I said he came home and slept five hours!!🤦🏽‍♀️

Please help I don't know what I'm gonna do. MIL has him again tomorrow morning bless her but by Friday I need a plan. How do I get baby to nap? How worried should I be about toddler, I'm seriously wondering if he's anemic or something as well as tantrums in response to baby?? Please help :(

Just to say also I can't explain how out of character this is for him , he's such an easygoing kid, good eater, good sleeper, an absolute joy to have around 95% of the time

So the weather's awful but I could put them both in the car and probably he'd be happy and she'd sleep..... Drive around for an hour and a half... But not 3 times a day for weeks on end surely 🤦🏽‍♀️ That's my best idea so far tho. Saying that he'd probably still have a meltdown about something in the car 🤦🏽‍♀️

He slept 5 hours today and is going back to bed now looking exhausted. Within an hour or two of waking he's cranky like he's overdue for a nap. Black circles under his eyes. But he sleeps all night every night without a squeak. No appetite…

If this has been going on for a while he needs to see the GP.

YOU ARE DOING GREAT

deep breath. This bit is super hard. There’s no easy solutions, just keep going, everyone is loved, everyone is fed.

Put baby in a sling. She will sleep because she’s next to you. And then try and crack on with being whatever 21 month old needs you to be. Park/short walk/lots of TV. This is not forever. He might just be a bit poorly but his life has turned upside down so of course he’ll be stamping his foot to get max Mummy time.

YOU ARE DOING GREAT.

I second the sling! Motion settles most children so they might both be happy. If your little one will sit in a buggy could you walk while one naps? Or if it’s poor weather just use the sling and make a huge thing of this means you get hands free for toddler to have all the attention, and you don’t have to keep running off to check the baby. If ever the baby wasn’t asleep on me or feeding I made a point to put the baby down and really baby the toddler, cuddles and saying you’re my baby too, I never mentioned them having to a be big sibling now. It’s so hard, I remember feeling absolute rage that my toddler woke the baby from every single nap. Tried to tell myself that they don’t mean to, that this is going to happen and I have to roll with it as best I can, they’re still a baby themselves and you’re all adjusting. You’re doing great 🥰

I think the 21 month old shouldn’t be so tired, please see the GP.

I suggest you find a parent and baby group for every day of the week to entertain older one so you get one can sleep in the sling while he is playing. Then perhaps have a routine for each day of the week so toddler knows what’s coming and you also don’t have to make decisions. It’s helpful for tantrums too - “I want to watch tv!” “It’s Thursday today. We watch TV on Fridays. On Thursdays we colour” etc etc

It is really tough and you’re doing really well. I’m sorry it is so hard, you are not alone!

The 5 hour nap from the toddler is strange, I would see the GP asap.

And once he's ok...nursery or at MIL's more often. You'll lose your mind otherwise.

Thank you all. The sling has worked till now but baby is 90th centile and I can't really manage much when I'm carrying her, and toddler is now flipping out when I hold her unless he's well distracted eg TV🙃 I'll maybe speak to the health visitor about the tiredness etc, maybe if he's feeling rough it's not helping... Honestly I'm losing my mind though I'm not sure what the answer is. Walking is the only thing that does work, I could put rain covers and coats on and just go for it...

Thank you for the replies it's so appreciated. I know it will pass that's the only thing keeping me not getting too overwhelmed by it all 🙃

I had two under two so I hear you! That level of tiredness doesn’t sound right to me. I would book a GP appointment. He could be anaemic, what’s his diet like? Is he drinking a lot of milk and not hungry for food?

Another possibility is sleep apnoea. If his tonsils/adenoids are enlarged he won’t be getting good quality sleep. Does he snore?

I don't think he snores, I've never noticed it. Usually his appetite has been great and he eats everything , veg etc. This is so out of character. He'll be keen for food and will eat a normal tea eg tonight was fishfingers and peas and low salt baked beans, he tucked in but stopped after a few mouthfuls and wasn't interested at all. He has a milk bottle before bed. Sometimes he asks for milk in the day when baby is having it and if he hasn't had any lunch at all I'll give him a bottle so I know he's had something but that's like twice a week maybe 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Sorry just to clarify he's not usually sleeping 5 hours in the day. Would sleep maybe 2 hours as normal. But MIL is extremely high energy bless her and always keeps him busy so it's like that was just way too much for him today. He has been seeming really tired all the time but not sleeping quite that much usually. That has quite worried me today🙃

It's just such an abrupt change, would anaemia type symptoms happen that quick 🤷🏼‍♀️

i had three under three (no multiple births) and I think it’s v easy to forget that the older ones are also babies. My oldest was 17m when my second was born and he was so needy etc, understandably !!!

but I’d go to the GP for your toddler, just in case. If it’s a new behaviour that’s unusual for a baby, stand your ground.

Why on earth haven’t you taken him to the doctor! Poor thing !

I mean everything has a threshold where you don’t notice/it has minimal effect and then when it gets worse and you start to notice/feel it.

Loss of appetite, sleeping more but exhausted/ fatigue, bad mood, dark circles could be a number of illnesses - anemia, diabetes (is he using the toilet more?)… not to scare you but extreme fatigue can also indicate something worse. Like Leukaemia.

Could also just be mad at baby sibling getting attention. But I’d take him to the GP to check.

It's literally only been a few days, during last week it was maybe getting worse I guess, Thursday he was at MIL, Friday I kind of noticed he was tired but just gave him an early night, weekend was busy and just thought he was out of routine, Monday assumed he was catching up on sleep... But yeah I probably needed the reality check. Please be kind though I'm so tired, I have ADHD, I'm on antidepressants, I probably would have contacted the doctor tomorrow anyway but tonight the best I can do is a Mumsnet thread. I appreciate the reality check tho thanks

Yeah I think the tiredness/loss of appetite is a separate thing to the tantrums although maybe making it worse. I can see that so clearly now 🤦🏽‍♀️

Just jumping on the tired thing, weirdly my child started sleeping so much more when I had my second one! (He never slept well as a baby and young toddler). At 4.5 now he still sleeps for nearly 3 hours a day. He’s had all the tests and no conclusion other than he’s just a very tired child, so please try not to worry, the doctors will arrange all of the necessary tests and it could be something or nothing!

Thank you, appreciate another view point! Hopefully it is just one of those weird kid things. Our health visitor is brilliant so I'll text her in the morning as that will be quicker than GP and sound her out.

Thank you x I do try to do what you say about giving him attention and actually babying him a bit. Think I'm just going to have to get more creative with babys naps tho... Plan some activities maybe and put her in the sling and sit with him and do playdo or something enchanting... Or he might sit with something new long enough for me to sneak upstairs and settle baby! Hmmm

Doubt anyone's reading this but just felt like closing the loop , we went to the GP and his lymph nodes were swollen so sent us to hospital for bloods etc so Friday evening was spent on hospital, thankfully didn't keep us in, they cant find anything and think it's just viral, just keep an eye on him. 😞

Have discovered the magic of automatic pram rockers! Baby will go to sleep on her own if I pop her upstairs with rocker on and white noise. So I can nip upstairs, put her down, might have to make one more trip back up to replace dummy, but mostly then have a good chunk of one on one time with toddler. I think we might just about be able to make this work 🥴

I’m still reading! Great that you’ve made a bit of progress with both toddler and baby. You honestly sound like you’re doing brilliant and the outcome seems to rarely reflect the effort with such young children. You can do this 😃 x